How do I get my 2 kids(10 & 13) to just STOP all the bickering?

Question

I'm about to look for an all around year school. My 10 and 13 year old wont stop picking on each other. I have used creative parenting techniques such as making them hold hands and tell each other 3 things they love about their brother/sister, but that only last for a short while. I need more ideas and suggestions.

To clarify, consistency in parenting is something I have won awards for, so to speak. I am looking for more creative ideas not opinionated mothers.

Answer 1

Sounds nostalgic because I used to argue alot with my younger sister who is also three years apart from me.

1.) Get to the bottom of things
Through my experience, the worst thing that a parent can do is to get all angry and upset to the fact that the kids are arguing versus bothering to find out why. They think that the things that kids are arguing over is petty and stupid and would automatically punish both or use some kind of annoying tactic to make them be friends versus being a mediator and resolving the issue.

Make them have a turn to tell their side of their story(very important) uninterrupted on what happened because things might not always be what it seems.

Make sure to tell them that it definately isn't okay to argue and bicker even though one of the kids might be the one that was wronged, and agree on a solution for the problem and go throught steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Now that your kids are clear and agree, then lay out a punishment of what can happen the next time one of your kids bullies another, takes a toy, etc. And make sure they agree to that so they won't be surprised next time when they do something.

For example on that nanny show(can't remember name) the mom saw her older kid yelling at his younger brother in the pool and instead of trying to see what happened she automatically punished him for yelling and put him in time out. What she didn't see is that the younger brother had stolen his toy and wouldn't give it back. If she had taken the time to pull them both to the side, she could've seen what really happened and take the appropiate measures to solve the problem.

2.) Be consistent and don't give up.
Your kids have to know that mommy means business. When we were younger, we didn't take my mom seriously as we did our dad because our dad was consistent in what he wanted from us. My mom would try tactics but would give up three weeks down the road because it was "too hard" for her. Believe me when I tell you consistency is the key. Even if it is hard and exhausting, it pays off in the long run because your kids will respect you, like how we respected our dad.


Unfortunately if you don't take care of it now, it can affect their relationship with each other and with others when they become older teens, young adults, and adults. They will try to solve everything by yelling and bickering versus using calms ways to solve issues. My sister and I still have tensions between us and argue, even though we are adults because that what we have been doing since we were young and because my mom was "too tired" or it was "to hard" for her in teaching us otherwise.

Anyways I wish you all the best in finding ways to deal with your kids!!

Answer 2

try being consistent in your parenting- if something only "lasted" for a short time, it's because you didn't enforce the rules.

Answer 3

Have you trying supernanny ot nanny911? They seem to get kids under control fast. http://www.fox.com/nanny911/
http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/

Answer 4

Sell them to the gypsies.