help my marriage become true....?

Question

Here is my problem....In one wear my boyfriend ad I going to be enggaged....But I think his mom does not like me at all!And till now he's listening and doing what his mom says...I have a fear that he's going to dumb me!he also says that I'm stupid 'cause his mom likes me very much but I sense that he's liying.....What should I do????I really love him and don't want to lose him.....

Answer 1

Truth is what you are already living - These things happening are truth and your life that it is now will be your life if and when you marry this guy. You are not seeing illusions - no mother likes their sons' girl friend - no mother likes their daughters boy friend. Although it doesn't mean that they can't or won't later. Maybe he sees something you don't and maybe you see something he don't but what ever the case truth is alreay here and if you have quesions now about him lieing chances are he'll lie later. I think you should do nothing and just go witht he flow, if it is ment to be then it will happen, if it is not thank your lucky stars you found out and it ended....

Answer 2

There's a couple things you've said that concerns me.

First, does he actually say you're stupid? You seem pretty smart to me, and you don't need to start out a life with someone who is calling you names.

Second, you think that he's lying to you about what his mom says - what makes you think that? Christine, if you can't believe him when he says something like this, there is a lack of trust on your part. That lack of trust may be justified if he really is lying, but if you can't trust him and he can't be honest with you, honey, you're heading for divorce even before you say "I do."

Third, it is not uncommon for some family members or friends to dislike a match - his relationship with you may change his relationship with others, that's the nature of marriage. Now, if this man is prepared to throw away a future with you because someone else tells him he should, he is not the man for you. Absolutely not. There's that part in wedding vows about forsaking all others - that means he needs to put you first.

As much as you do not want to lose this guy, if he is not honest with you, if you cannot trust him, and if he is not prepared to commit to you even in the face of opposition, maybe it's you who should dump him. That's hard to hear, I know, but you deserve someone who will build a life with you, complete with honesty and respect.

If he is committed to working this out, you and your boyfriend should sit down together, with or without a counselor, and speak honestly and openly about why you feel like his mom doesn't like you. Give him examples and logic, and avoid tears and emotion. Men relate better to logical discussion - "Your mom always criticizes me and puts me down - that's what makes me think she doesn't like me." instead of "I feel like your mom hates me and that hurts." Do you see? I have found it helps if I write down what I want to say - make a list - we're women, and we can talk to our girlfriends and they understand the emotion, but if we try the same conversation with men, they can be dismissive, "oh she's just being a girl, must be that time of month..."

But at the heart of this, Christine, if he doesn't respect you and isn't honest with you, and would toss you aside because his family tells him so, kick his butt to the curb and find a man worthy of you.

Answer 3

You can't serve 2 masters. He either picks YOU or MOM. And if he picks Mom, I'd rethink my relationship with this guy because you will never be his priority - everything will be what his mother tells him. He really needs to grow up and be his own man, but some guys are afraid to go against their mother's control. So, if he can't make you his priority and stand by you, then the red flags should go up. If you aren't happy now, it sure won't get any better in engagement and marriage. (Your only other option is to NOT get engaged with him, tell him that you won't consider marriage unless he leaves his mother for you...)

Answer 4

From what you say, this doesn't sound like a very loving relationship to me. The fact that he even uses the word "stupid," in answer to your expression of feelings really frightens me. What will he call you once you're married to him. I would think long and hard about this relationship. The world is full of men and love can grow into hatred if he mistreats you. I think you can do better.

Answer 5

Once you marry someone, their family plays a big role in both of your lives. If the mom is controlling now, chances are she will be controlling when you are married. Watch out! These are hard challenges to overcome.
My advice is to talk to your fiance about the issue and tell him how important it is to you. You could also talk to the mom and let her know how important her son is and how much you love him and want to care for him for the rest of your lives.
Good luck!

Answer 6

My mom and I went through the same thing but my mom didn't like my man.. I am 27 years old and made my choice. I stayed by my man and we are going to get married and move out of state... If he loves you he won't let "mommy dearest" control him. My man's family made me part of their family.. There is no reason your family could not do the same for him if they really see how much you love each other...

Answer 7

Allow an ample time for consideration and discernment. If he really loves you nothing can stop him in his decision. Loving patience is the best.

Answer 8

You both sound like 16 year olds...try revisiting the "marriage" idea in about 8 years.....

Answer 9

Hey, he doesn't have to "dumb you" at all; you're doing that all by yourself. He's still doing what mommy says now, he always will.

Answer 10

if he is that much of a mamma's boy you will be better off with out him. He needs to stand up for himself