i'm getting married in 6 weeks. my whole life i've always looked at my boyfriend as though there will never be a permanent fix in my life. i think i must have that ingrained in my head pretty deep cuz with my fiance, i sometimes forget that this is for good. he's the one i;m going to grow old with and it's scary sometimes.
sometimes when we fight, i find myself thinking "that's ok. it's not like he'll be around forever." and i'll catch myself thinking that and it shocks me why i think that still towards a man i'm about to marry.
what's wrong w/ me? am i thinking like this is 'cuz i've had this way of thinking for over 15 years of my dating life? or am i thinking this way is cuz he's not the one for me? but i know i love him more than life itself?
i'm confused???
please, serious answers only
2007-06-22 03:43:46 · 13 answers · asked by Shrimpboat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, if you have doubts you better fix them before you get married!! Marriage is forever and people these days just assume if it does not work out they can just get divorced!! That is not the way it is suppose to be!! People give up to easy and think it is a joke!! I do not understand it, but if you have doubts talk to you b.f. and see if you can work through it!! If you can not see spending your entire life with him then don't get married!!
2007-06-22 03:50:06 · answer #1 · answered by housewives5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you find out this answer, plz let me know. I have the exact same problem except I never stay with someone for that long - I'm a 2 year relationship kinda gal. As soon as a man starts talking about 'the rest of our lives', I start finding things wrong with the relationship and then end it sometime after. Even my current on/off guy, he wants to find someone to spend the rest of his life with and i still can't see that far ahead.
I think we are scared of committment and can't really see the big picture. I live day to day - I hardly ever think of my future so that may have something to do with it.
2007-06-22 03:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by Cdn Chic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats some dangerous self-talk there, hun. It can easily make itself into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Half of all marriages end up in divorce. There is a 50/50 chance that your marriage is already a divorce, so you could be right.
The straw that breaks the proverbial camels back for 90% of marriages is fiscal stability. If you dont have a rock-solid clear language for negotiating, and conflict resolution, and a realistic, clear, shared fiscal vision, there is a 40% chance your marriage is already over.
You dont know whether there is a "one" for you. Maybe you dont get to have a "one". Maybe he is the "one" and you just walk away anyway. The "one" is a religious belief, and you need to be real about it.
In truth, except for a very few exceptions, anyone can learn to love and live with anyone else. It has worked for the majority of marriages in the majority of civilizations for the majority of recorded history before 1900.
Get authoritative opinion, and not the ideas of the young that are founded in too large a part on propaganda and speculation. Ask someone who has walked the road, and not just imagined it. Talk to 100 ladies over 80, crones, and see what they say. There were independent women in the roaring 20's, so ask them. Ask someone who has walked the road, what it is like to walk the road.
Key books to read (in order):
- His needs/ Her needs
- How to fight for your marriage
- The five love languages
2007-06-22 04:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Curly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have extremely warm and fuzzy feelings now you're in for a short marriage or a long long miserable ride.
You can't "settle" and expect it to work, maybe it's your way of knowing that you need to find someone more like your "soul" mate.
2007-06-22 03:58:03 · answer #4 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to follow your gut and not the pressures around you but additionally you should probably get some professional advice. It may be typical nerves or much deeper but you are about to take a big step and you just want to make sure it is in the right direction
2007-06-22 03:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by Dakota 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. It takes two, and you have to work together to make it work.
Making the big step is even harder, and you always get the jitters before the big day, just remember why you fell in love with him, what brought you both this far.
And most important, learn from your arguments, take those heated moments and look at them as a lesson in life and LEARN!
If you have dated for 15 years, you know that you have found something special in him and he in you, never forget those things!
2007-06-22 03:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him until you get yourself straightened out. This is the cause of affairs. People find what they need with someone else after they get married.
2007-06-22 03:56:28 · answer #7 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a defense mecanism for you. You still seem to have your guard up with this guy. Do you trust him? I think you would be more comfortable if you let your guard down and accept that he loves and wants to spend forever with you. Best Wishes!
2007-06-22 03:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by juggalizzle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be the jitters, but it also could be because you have abandonment issues. Maybe you should talk to a marriage counselor. It may quiet possibly be that he really isn't the one for you.
2007-06-22 03:51:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
probably just nervous that the relationship will change with marriage... just keep in mind that you're both still the same people and do the same things afterwards.
If you feel good about it when you're not fighting its a good sign.
2007-06-22 03:50:40 · answer #10 · answered by ct 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Research the true meaning of"MARRIAGE & COMMITMENT"
2007-06-22 03:54:11 · answer #11 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋