1.You... You... You make me sick. You've just gone down two steps in my... my book!
2. If this gets out then I'll be the laughingstock of the city!
3. Oh, that ship has sailed.
4. No, mom, I'm not a lesbian. What? No, mom! I sleep with men. I sleep with lots of men. I'm a slut for God's sake!
5. OK, that's a problem I have. When I get angry, I overanalyze. You know WHY I do that?
6. I saw things... They have tsetse flies down there the size of eagles.
2007-06-22 03:31:03 · 4 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Gina was having martinis at the Regal Seahorse, with her girlfriends when she started complaining about her mom nagging her about going out with girls so often, yet, not having a steady boyfriend.
Caroline and Olivia were listening in amusement when Gina's phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and rolled her eyes,"Great it is the dragon lady again", yet she didn't want to ignore the call, because she knew how sensitive her mom had become since she lost her beloved cat Mrs. Andrews.
As soon as she answered the phone and said "Hi, mom", she regretted her decision,though.
For her mother was going on in a monologue of how important it is in life to have a partner to build a family with, and if Gina was a lesbian how on earth was she going to get pregnant.
Gina let out an exasperated breath and said,"(4)No, mom, I'm not a lesbian. What? No, mom! I sleep with lots of men. I'm a sl*t for God's sake."
The scream her mom gave on the other end of the phone could easily be heard by both Caroline and Olivia. All three of them winced as they heard Gina's mom say,"(1)You ...You ...You make me sick. You've just gone down
two steps in my...my book!" She said three Hail Mary's and hung up.
As Gina put her phone back into her purse, she told them that all of her mother's erratic behaviour initiated when she saw her plant a friendly kiss on Olivia's lips for a split second, when they were parting company after the 4th of July celebrations, and everybody was drunk and giggly.
Olivia interrupted,saying it was preposterous for her mom to deduce that she was a lesbian because of one friendly peck given at a drunk and silly moment.
Gina let out a deep breath saying, "You're right, you're right. (5)OK, that's a problem I have. When I get angry, I overanalyze. You know WHY I do that? My father always used to do that and I got it from him through his DNA". Then she leaned towards her friends and whispered,"If my mom's ridiculous rants and her obsession to marry me off to someone is heard around work, (2)if this gets out then I'll be the laughingstock of the city!"
Caroline gently patted her friend's arm and said,"You need to take a vacation, hon. Why don't you take a few weeks off work and join me and Paul and his buddies in our trip to Africa? It will be amazing-we'll do the whole safari thing, meet with the locals, buy those amazing colorful fabrics and we are also planning to visit some people who lost their homes and make donations to the Red Cross to get them medical supplies and food, It will be a philantropic vacation. Besides it is such a beautiful land".
Gina sighed and said, "(3)Oh, that ship has sailed, honey. I used all my yearly vacation time, when I took the time off to go help Aunt Rebecca rebuild her home, that was destroyed by the hurricane".
Olivia chimed in,"Why would you want to spend your vacation time in west africa anyway, you could help by sending money and supplies through the local Red Cross and donations to the UN. Aren't you scared of catching some disease while you are there? I was watching the Discovery Channel about a certain region in west africa (6)I saw things... They
have tsetse flies down there the size of eagles. I just don't think it would be very safe for either of you".
Caroline smiled patronizingly and said,"Well, that may be the reason that you have never been out of the state you were born in, while Paul and I have flown all over the world and came back with those amazing stories to tell"
She softened when she saw the hurt look on Olivia's face and said,"Sorry hon, I know you were just concerned about our safety and I appreciate it. However, you have nothing to worry about, Paul and I are seasoned world travelers and we like experiencing different aspects of our planet, while doing what we can to help. Now ladies, let's lighten up and have some fun a bit", and she pointed at this tall dark guy that was staring towards them with piercing blue eyes and said, "That hunk has been burning holes in your skull in the last 15 minutes, Gina. Why don't you go talk to him?"
Gina looked at him, locked gazes and smiled, "You know what, why not? At least it will give me an excuse to
shut my mom's bickering up for awhile. Afterall, I have to think about my peace of mind, right?
"Right!!!" The ladies said in unision, and when Gina walked towards the handsome stranger, Olivia giggled and said, "Like she needed an excuse for that", Caroline chuckled and replied,"Let's toast to our beloved friend, Gina, whom you can count on taking life's lemons and making them a lemonade!"
"Cheers, cheers!!" they laughed as they clinked their Martini glasses.
THE END
2007-06-22 05:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by ROSE 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok, that’s a problem I have. When I get angry, I overanalyze. You know WHY I do that? Because I am looking for a flaw, something to make me feel better. Some sort of reasoning. Like the other day, I come home for the weekend. Wanted to see my “loving” mom and dad. But when I walk in I am interrogated. Out of nowhere she asks me, “Are you a lesbian?” This was a shocking question, at least for me, you would think your own mother would know you. (wait scratch that idea, she doesn’t know me). I of course answered, “No, mom, I'm not a lesbian. I sleep with men. I sleep with lots of men. I'm a **** for God's sake!” That’s when I lost my cool.
At this point I was angry and let loose. I told her that she had always found ways to put me down, that she doesn’t respect me. I was so upset that I was stumbling over my words. The last thing I sputtered to her was, “You... You... You make me sick. You've just gone down two steps in my... my book!” Then I slammed the door, leaving that wicked home.
But now my plans for my weekend were gone, that ship had sailed. Argg, I was still mad but I wanted to get out of there. Just think if my friends were to find out what my mom thought of me, I would be the laughingstock of the city. Thank God, that next month I will be out of the country. I will get to spend time with people who will really appreciate me. That is the great thing about going to Columbia, but the cons are that they have these tsetse flies down there the size of eagles. Don’t ask me how tsetse flies got there, they are from Africa, but I swear they could eat you alive.
My nice weekend with the parents was blown… so I don’t know what to do know.
2007-06-22 04:35:58 · answer #2 · answered by vrg_athlete26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One day I got lost in America. I couldn't find anything else to do, so I married an axe murderer. He thought I was a funny girl. What did I think of him? Well, some like it hot. Oh man, was he hot. Though I'm still working on stopping his murderous tendencies. I always tell him he needs to control his anger- it's not nice to murder people just because they don't say hi to him on the street. Anyways, we bought a house- our new address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. No, not the whitehouse, we just built the house ourselves and thought it would be cool to have the same address. So I guess I'm not lost any more. But we probably won't stay there much longer, especially now that I have given away the address of an axe murderer...oh crap, looks like we gotta run from the cops now!
2016-05-17 09:57:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I'm just not up for it.
2007-06-23 11:12:34 · answer #4 · answered by Logitech 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋