I didn`t sleep well,and am feeling blue?

Question

It`s really been a long hard week. I need some cheering up before the week-end starts. I`ll give you 10 for some happy stars and a funny joke.

Answer 1

I have a joke fwd tht will cheer you up! its actually for cheering people up anyway! I hope it cheers you up, and you have a great day!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying, "Hello". I
politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the
last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When
the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really
bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me
up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar
with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I
quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his! car window - so, I wrote down his
number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole,
too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes. I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling
them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
Beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ***," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,saying that I lived at 1802
West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six
squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
NOW, I feel better.

Answer 2

I am not funny either, ask my boyfriend.. lol anyway I too have had a bad week, so what I do, every second I am not busy doing actual work at work, I am planning my weekend,, and so far my Sat consists of a massage, then a cool yummy iced drink at Starbucks, then I am visiting a very good friend, then I am going shopping at Kohl's for a new swim suit... and it makes me feel better as I have something to look forward to.
help I was able to help some.

it's Friday!! after all {doing the Friday dance}

Answer 3

I am kind of in the same situation.

Tell you what. I will try my hardest to go out and have a wonderful time all weekend for you. I will wake up early and enjoy the sunrise. I will stay late and chat with friends. I will go for a walk at the beach. I will read a good book. I will listen to music all day long. I will go for a special lunch. I will go dance all night.

And while I am doing all these things I will think of you. Live life to the fullest. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not come yet, you have only today. Go and enjoy it.

Answer 4

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

Answer 5

Hey girl! It sounds like Appletinni time cheer up! it's Friday come on we'll all go have a drink! And check out the cute guys! Waddaya say?

Answer 6

This isn't that funny but might cheer you up a little.

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and
scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom
standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and
groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment,
Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third
night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there
is a man in bed with his mom.
Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest
and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike."

Answer 7

Sorry, no jokes. But, think of me when you can't sleep. I'm so boring you should fall right to sleep. : ) I hope you don't have anything serious to be blue about. I'm afraid I do. But we'll both live through it. Have a great day tomorrow.

Answer 8

there were three brothers and they each had a special talent. The first one, was an amazing singer, and was singing, "Me Me meee me me mee!" The second brother was a chef. He was singing, "Forks & Knives! Forks &Knives!"

While the third was singing, "Goody Goody Gumdrops!" Because he loved candy! and one day they went to the mall. After the mall on their way back...Their was a man (dead) layin on the ground.

A cop came by and said who did this?!!?? He sang, "MEMEMEMEEMEEE!" Thd cop said how!?!?
he sang" forks and knives!!!" You are going to jail mister!
"Goody Goody Gumdrop!"

Answer 9

Hey, I am in the same boat as you.

Smile and plan to do something fun this weekend. Maybe going to the lake etc.

Go see "Surf's Up" the new penquin movie, alot of adult humor......

Answer 10

There's a great quote, whose originator is one Roger W. Babson. Whatever else he may or may not have written, this is worth it: "When we are flat on our backs, there is no way to look but up." Hope things will soon be looking up for YOU!

Answer 11

well i'm not that funny but i'll give you a star :)
hope you feel better, cheer up its summer!