I am away from home on job for 2 years, now on return I find my wife less affectionate and reacts strongly.?

Question

We have been married for the past 10 years and have a son of 8 years. She reacts strongly even to my minor kiddings. She keeps mum for days together. My pleading to her as to what bothers her elicits no reply. I couldn't recollect any incidence in which I have done anything to hurt her feelings. She looks to be medically OK. I even told her not to worry about any past happenings as I love her from deep of my heart but somehow feels helpless to turn her around. There are no financial issues involved and we are reasonably placed. Due to this there is an air of tightness at our home. I am at fix as how to get back the warmth of our earlier days. Any suggestion?

Answer 1

Try staying home for a few years. You have become a stranger to her and your child.

Answer 2

Your wife has been able to have freedom plus financial support from you. Now that you're home, she's lost the freedom and has to be with you just to get the financial support too. I have to wonder if she has thought about the idea that in order for her to get what she had, she'll have to divorce you. And, I also have to wonder if she's thought about the fact that if she divorces you, she'll receive less money (only child support) which means she'll have to work more, and I'm wondering if THAT's the thought that's making her edgy and unhappy. I realize that that is looking at the dark side of things, but, you don't really know what's been going on for the past 2 years. You obviously still love her and want to make a go of it, but you do need to exercise caution.
The counseling might allow the two of your to air out some things. In the meantime, for your own safety, you need to use a condom and make it clear that you don't want to have another child until you're sure things will be good. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow. Two years. People change a lot during that time. It's hard to get that intimacy back after being separated for so long and you have to understand that women are different than men when it comes to making love (and I don't just mean sex). There has to be a connection, affection, closeness, we can't just pick up where we left off.

Have you been a little too comfortable yourself? and just expect everything to be the same as before the two years?? Maybe she feels guilty that she can't just pick up at the same place as you did/do... or maybe she feels scared that she's lost some of that love that was there before?? I don't know.

I say give her time and try to romance her like in the beginning so that her memory can recall what it's like to have Daddy home again....

Tell her that you are aware of the tension between you two but you want to put things right again. This way she will see that all the effort you will be putting in will be because you love her and love your life with her.

Make her fall in love with you again.

Answer 4

Play some music that she likes. Get her attention of what she likes. Going for a period of 2yrs is alot to get it together. If you were away for 2yrs. what have you notice when you return. What do you except to happen. Take her with you if you can the next time. Sit down and talk to her. You cannot raise family and keep a marriage from falling apart if you are not there. Take her by the hand and dance with her, show her all that you have to love her. Sometime we don't know what we have done but the best is making her happy. After two yrs apart you have alot to do. Bring breakfast to her. Whatever it takes.

Answer 5

It's possible that, when you left, she experienced feelings of abandonment.

Over the two years you were gone, she raised your son by herself, went through rough times where you weren't there to hold her and support her, and she probably felt lonely.

After a while, people will adjust to being alone, and may actually grow to prefer being by themselves.

Maybe you could do something romantic or spontaneous for her, to remind her how much you love her and to bring back memories of why she fell in love with you in the first place.

Time heals all wounds.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 6

When you left for that job, all the responsibilities of running a home and raising her son fell on her shoulders. She resents you for that, there were probably times when she was in a bind and had to take care of things by herself. If she didn't, who was? She became strong and realized she doesn't need you as much as you think she does. You got your work cut out for you to prove to her how a job isn't more important to you than your family is.

Answer 7

When couples have been apart that long, it is just like starting over. You have to warm up to one another. She has spent her time taking care of things and being the boss. She needs some time to adjust to getting things back to normal. So take your time. And let her know what a great job she has done taking care of things. My husband is gone 9 months out of the year. We go through it every time he comes home.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to get a job in your town where you are home every day after work. Start there. And get marriage counseling. It will be a slow process, but it will be worth it in the end.

Answer 9

People change in two years. She may have developed an affinity for the independence that came from having you away. Best thing for this is therapy. If that doesn't help, your marriage may well be over.

Answer 10

It's probably hard for her to adapt to you being home after being gone for so long. Give her a little time and space. If things don't get better then see if she'll go with you for marriage counseling.

Answer 11

You were away for 2 years, its going to take her time to adjust to you being home again, shes been more independent when you were gone, and probably had her own schedules, routines and way of doing things, and now she has to adjust to having you a part of her daily life again. I say just give it time.