Let’s say you’re divorced,37,2kids and you were with the same guy for 20 years. Afterwards would you be going out, whooping it up at bars and nightclubs, loving the attention and trying to relive your 20’s? The girl I’m seeing seems to be into that because her ex beat her down so much. I understand she needs her ego stroked right now but I don’t think I want any part of it. I think it’s really immature at that age. I’m looking for someone to settle down with and she seems to be one of the nice ones. Then I hear she’s out partying, she’s calling me at 130 in the morning telling me how drunk she is and how many guys hit on her, and so on. Seems a little immature. Seems like she’s trying to boast up her self esteem at my expense. Should I drop this divorcee?
2007-06-22 01:32:58 · 21 answers · asked by golf4everdude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It generally takes about 6 months for a woman to get all that out of her system. If you really like her and you're willing to wait it out, go for it.
2007-06-22 01:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by dana_osmundson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand-she's not "reliving" her 20's, she's living them for the first time!~She was tied down for 20 years-she didn't get to do all that back then. Let her have her fun for now, it will pass. Think of it this way, she calls YOU when she is out having fun-she doesn't go home with any of those guys hitting on her. She obviously feels something for you as well. You may find it a little immature now, but it will come to an end and she'll be ready to settle down again.
2007-06-22 09:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a divorcee, 28years old. I got divorced at the age of 24. Speaking from my own experience...divorce takes alot out of you especially if you were beaten down and insulted, made to feel useless and not worhy of anyone's love or attention. To go through 20 odd years of that i would say is abusive and the lady you are referring to is possibly suffering from depression and low self esteem caused by her x. If you really care about her then you should try and give her the attention she needs and ask her to talk about her feelings and needs. Therapy is also an option, not just for her but if you want to be involved with her then couple theropy will work. I have been in another relationship after my divorce and it failed because of trust and my now x not being able to understand what my x-hubby had put me through. This could help both of you. She is not thinking straight and all she wants and needs is love attention affection and to know that she is worthy of it. That is why she is seeking all the attention at bars, getting drunk and all that...it's the easiest way to get what you looking for but it is not what you really need...if she doesn't stop she will end up even worse and might even get a bad reputation. As for the kids, they dont need their mom to do this to herself.
2007-06-22 08:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by Ursula F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is more to it I am sure.. I was 32 when I got divorced and I had 4 children. I was always a great mom and wife and that's all I knew... I think for 3 years all I did after he left was the same as her. I also was beat down emotionally. I then found a wonderful man (like you) that stuck it out said hey no more if you want to be with me lets make this work together and from that time on I went to work came home and he would come over after work and his 2 girls and we walked and ate pizza and watched movies etc.. Now we have been married 8 yrs and he is my best friend and I love him for the change in me and my life.. Good Luck!!!!
2007-06-22 08:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by SJ H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, being a former divorcee, I would say she is not even close to wanting to settle down. It took me around six years of being by myself to get married again; however, everyone is different.
As for the partying and things like that, I agree with you. Not only is it immature, it's irresponsible, especially for someone with two children. If you're ready to settle down and you want a mature woman, I don't think this woman is the one for you.
I don't know if you've ever been married before or not, but you may want to try to choose someone with a little less baggage. After my divorce, I decided if I ever married again, it would have to be with someone with no children (nothing against kids, just don't want to raise anyone else's). I lucked out somewhat; I got a man who did not have children, nor had he ever been married.
Answer: Drop this divorcee!
2007-06-22 08:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by Ida T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes a while to get used to the fact of not being in what was a bad situation anymore and not getting treated like a dog and knowing that someone is still interested in you makes you feel alive again. It's almost like a kid in a candy store that can see there's so much to enjoy but if your strong enough to wait until she realizes that she's a person and can still be treated like someone and grow up and know what age she is with 2 kids and a boyfriend then she'll settled down but it's gonna be just up to you and how much you can take. Good Luck!
2007-06-22 08:46:36 · answer #6 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that. Sounds like she had a good time. Are you jealous that she was out with a friend while you were at home? She's just enjoying life and if she's a good woman, cut her some slack and go out and have fun with her. She may need some time, but if you love her, then give her a chance. Talk to her about how you feel and assess your relationship together. I am sure the two of you will figure out where to go from here.
2007-06-22 08:37:07 · answer #7 · answered by B B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is trying to get her self esteem back in the wrong way. But this is common. Sometimes flattery can make you feel like you are attractive to someone else when you may have been told by your ex that no-one else would want you. If she is someone you think is a good one then use caution in rushing her. Maybe you should tell her that it bothers you. You sound like you may have resentment for her already. I would say tell her how yo feel she will probably decide for the two of you if she wants to remain in the relationship or not.
2007-06-22 18:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is not what you want for you at this time in your life, before dropping her, maybe you need to sit her down and explain the things you want out of this relationship. Tell her she is really nice, and you enjoy her company, but if she continues to go partying and get drunk, then it is not what you wanted. She has two children that she also needs to consider. When I got divorced, I had a child to consider, so I rarely went out, and when I did, I did not get drunk because I knew I had to be there for my son.
2007-06-22 08:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, first question did her husband divorce her because of the way she is? Or has she become this person after her divorce. A woman/mother should not be acting so irresponsible, what example she she portraying to her kids?
Try and talk to her and maybe get her professional help for her to get her act together.
Surly she as morals and values instead of dragging herself around the town like a tart. The choice is yours, whether you love her so much that you are willing to talk about it and come to some sort of agreement!
Goodluck
2007-06-22 08:43:18 · answer #10 · answered by ♠♥Mi$$vỜnDutch♪♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This woman has been through the mill and is trying to catch up with lost time (which, of course, is impossible). If you're looking for a serious relationship, you would be wise to drop this woman. At this point in her life, she's not a good risk.
2007-06-22 09:13:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋