if he has forgiven me then why can't i forgive myself?

Question

i cheated on my one true love. do i regret it yes and no. yes because i hurt him so much and no because i learned from what my mistake. cheating on him was bad enough when we starting working on us, i found out i was pregnant with the other guys baby. it hurt us both so much, we had been trying to get pregnant together and the one time i was with this person i got pregnant. i knew that in my heart i couldn't keep this baby and as hard as it was for me i had an abortion. it was best not only for the situation but for me as a person. he forgave me but i can't forgive myself. i know that he will never forget what i did to him but knowing that he has forgiven me makes me some what happy. i just wish i could forgive myself. if any of you have ever gone through something like this..have you forgiven yourself. now that we have three kids together and we are happily married i wonder what would life be life if i would of taken the other road. i guess those what if's are what get me the most.

could it be that i see my children and how precious life can be that im more guilty of having the abortion for many different reason rather then the fact that i cheated on him. looking at my kids and thinking back to the abortion leads me back to all those memories i want to go away. is that why i can't forgive myself not just for hurting him but for hurting myself in the process..having an abortion isn't the easy way out only to those who have never gone through it may think that way. that why i say i hurt myself in the process

Answer 1

You don't ever really forgive urself...which is part of how ur able to stay together. You feel guilt occassionally pop up, esp when things are rough and you think of easy ways out. By remembering our mistakes we are able to live better lives, otherwise u would just cheat on him again. Try not to think about what is on the other side of the fench, b/c the grass is full of those prickly weeds and ur barefoot.

Answer 2

It happened to me.
But I was the cheated one (but it was before our marriage) . You're not alone in this case. Don’t feel ashamed or blame yourself.
I (and I think your husband's same) have put the past behind. We are of the kind that live life for present moments.
For ordinary people it would have been something unforgiveable, but I/he did.
Love have ways that only Love can understand.
And know something, that if it wasn’t for you, it would not have been the same.
You must be and am sure you are someone very special to him. He knew that his happiness was connected to u and only u.
It was something worth paying that to forgive(forget) that dramatic “incident”, just to be with you.
For the abortion, indeed it is something that should not be done. But You are not the one entitled to forgive yourself. Only God can. And he has forgiven…. (Read the holy words)

Should need a helping shoulder, remember your husband loves you much, give him a chance to help you, he deserves that you have faith in him. talk to him, cause even if you haven’t told him anything, I pretty sure he senses that you’re not completely happy.

Stop being self-centered and live your life : A loving Husband, three children,….
Show your love and be a loving mother.
Time has passed.

Answer 3

why are you feeding your curiousity to the "what ifs"??

get a grip & realize that this guy (now your husband & loving father of 3!) overcame the monumental trust issues of: staying with you, staying true &vulnerable to you, marrying your cheating ***, &, fathering 3 children with you!?

perhaps you are again taking for granted what you have & losing perspective on what is important in your life (you cannot argue this: you did this once already to the poor schmuck)

you need to ditch the guilt & distraction, as you have a family & need to re-devote yourself to what you have!
(the life in which you were supposed to learn with, & now, the life in which you LIVE)

Answer 4

Maybe it's the abortion you can't forgive yourself for.