Last month, I kicked my husband, who is a severe alcoholic, out of our home after living together for 7 years and being married so far for 3 years. We have no children together but have six kids from previous marriages, three lived with us, my children and his children live with his ex-wife. Anyway, since I made him leave he has done nothing but blame me for everything from the things the kids do, to money issues, to his drinking, to you name it. I am getting to the point that I am so depressed that I am losing weight rapidly, I have so far lost 20 something pounds and still losing. To feeling ashamed to being near other people especially men, and even just downright depressed about everyday issues. How can I make this stop or at least make myself feel better. I am attending church full-time and he attends the same church. We both were attending marriage counseling until he decided to stop when the counselor let me speak my mind about the marriage. Please help.
2007-06-20 20:28:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom was the same way you need to know none of his problems or the things your kids do is your fault. Everyone has a mind of their own and so we make our own decisions and his being an alcoholic is his fault money is no ones fault things happen so that's not your fault. Your kids I don't know their ages but as I said before they make their own decisions I'm 13 and my mom know as a teen now I'm supposed to make mistakes that's how you learn and grow so you grow to be a good parent too. You say you are losing weight rapidly don't punish yourself for being a good person you did the right thing kicking him out so now wait maybe a while before you talk to him and be reasonable..
2007-06-20 20:45:22 · answer #1 · answered by Taylor R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him blame you for his alcoholism. Everyone has "free will", what they choose to do with it is THEIR CHOICE and they are the ones who should be held accountable for their actions. It sounds to me like your husband doesn't know how to hold himself accountable for anything! I only know what I'm reading, and my opinion is that you need to leave this guy. He needs help for his drinking problem and it doesn't sound like that's going to be resolved any time soon. Is this the type of man you want around your children? Do you want your children to see you depressed and miserable? What kind of mother are you being to allow your children to endure all of this? I'm not calling you a bad mom, I'm just simply stating that if you take him back you are putting your kids in a bad situation. Mommy is suppose to protect her children and do what's best for them. What's best for them and you is you leaving this man behind. You deserve better and the kids deserve a positive environment with a positive mother. I would suggest you keep him out of the house. Keep going to church, but don't be counceled by anyone at church. My parents are VERY religous and it always seems like no matter what the hell the husband/wife does wrong,,,divorce is WRONG. That's STUPID and NOT my opinion. I think that if someone is making the other persons life a living hell, and isn't willing or trying to change, it's time to saddle up and move on. I mean how much longer are you willing to do this? Your health is also being affected by this. Take care of you and take care of the kids first. I'm sure your self esteem has taken a nice healthy a.s.s. kicking too. You deserve better. Don't be a hopeaholic in thinking things will get better. Pretty soon, we'll be into next year and you will be telling someone else this same story.
I wish you the best!
AGAIN I CANNOT EMPHASIZE IT ENOUGH...DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING AT CHURCH. They will try to suck you up into...Give your problems to Jesus, ask him to change your husband....have faith that your marriage will heal...BLAH BLAH....I'm sorry but I've heard it all and speaking from experience it's all b.s. Sure, in Gods time all prayers are answered, but we're in the REAL world and not running on Gods time. I hate to sound bitter about religion but this crap has been shoved down my throat for too long.
2007-06-21 03:39:07 · answer #2 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand something.
The guy has a drinking problem and he’s no different than a drug addicted. He knows he messed but refuses to take reasonability for his own actions.
He finds it easier to blame others, you. Then to blame himself. It’s typical behavior.
The guy has issues and need to resolve them, until then he’s going to be pure hell to be around.
IMO, since you don’t have kids together, move on.
No one should have to go through life fighting with someone who supposedly loves them.
Life is about having fun, finding love and enjoyment. Not fighting, not bad mouthing…
Some people get lost along the way in life. Some find the road back some don’t. You can find that road again! With out him.
2007-06-21 03:42:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI,
Please sit with the Pastors for councelling explain your problems. If you have faith on God and if he wishes to unite both of you or he wants go give a new life its god's Choice. BEfore that you call your Hubby and sit for a family council, Pray for him definately you will get the result possitively. Prayer is the Best Solution for you dont tell this to every one tell the things toGod Lord Jesus Christ Will here your Cry and give the solutions if you have faith on him.
2007-06-21 03:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by vijaya s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time will heal all wounds. If seeking inspiration to help yourself feel better, try reading "Mans Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankle...you may ralize then that life isn't that bad...If you need a firend that can relate...feel free to get ahold of me on messenger
2007-06-21 03:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think that you'd be better off with someone new. It seems to me that you're trying it all to work things out while he has just given up on bettering himself for the sake of your marriage. You have one life to live, why waste your happiness on someone like that?
2007-06-21 03:32:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you financially dependent on him? If not, you'll get over him very soon and find yourself back. He's not worth your depression. It's good to lose weight though. You feel sexier.
2007-06-21 03:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by kongkong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should continue going to church and praying. But you first have to be able to help yourself. You should tell your husband to go to an AA meetingand encourage him to stop drinking. And to try to stop drinking all together. And please please please please dont fight in front of any of the kids. I would sit down with him when he is SOBER and talk to him about everything. You should also ask him to go couples counseling again!!! I really hope everything works out God Bless!!! = ]
2007-06-21 03:40:42 · answer #8 · answered by Via 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing to kick him out, now divorce him.
2007-06-21 09:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO to ur attorney ....... and file a suit on mental trauma nd character assasination
2007-06-21 03:31:59 · answer #10 · answered by Narut() 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋