Financial differences with my husband?

Question

My husband and I get along well, except when it comes to spending and finances.

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant and expecting to go into labor any time now. He finds it perfectly ok to waste money on video games, musical instruments, CD's and selfish things.

Then when I ask for money to put food in the house, I get the "I don't have any money to spend on food." The problem has gotten so bad that a friend had to Western Union me $50.00 for groceries a few weeks ago.

Because I'm not working right now, I feel at a loss of what I can/can't say. Technically, it's not my money - but the food is not only for me, but for him and our child.

How can I make him understand that it is important to have things like food, cleaning supplies and sanitary items in the house? Also,
am I wrong to be absolutely pissed off about this?

It's not like he can't afford it financially.

Bronze - I'm assuming that it wasn't noticed earlier because I have always been working and financially stable.

So if anything was needed in the house, I was the one to buy these items.

Spaz - I think you misread what I wrote.

My husband did NOT Western Union me anything (we live together). My best friend was very upset after she saw a picture of my fridge and heard about this. Thus SHE SENT me money for food.

She thought I was overreacting until seeing the 1 onion, 1 clove of garlic and stick of butter that my fridge contained.

I don't think I'm overreacting because the fridge and cabinets are literally that* empty.

Answer 1

wow was he always like this or just because you no longer work? You need to start an account with only your name on it, and you need to start getting more involved in the finance part of the your home and relationship. You need to remind him why you arent working and the money you are asking for is for the benefit of the whole family, food ,shelter and clothing are a priority. I hope it works out for you, and trust me when you give birth you are going to want to stay home with your baby and wont anyone else to watch him or care for him but take a month off then get back to work, i wish you good luck, im glad that everything is good btwn the two of you and only one thing is effecting this relationship, finances, but its a big one, and thats the type of thing that can really cause long term problems and resentment, tell him how you feel and how selfish hes being, do an out line on paper on what money you two have, what will be the amount spent monthly on toiletries, dry cleaning, groceries, dvd's & miscellaneous etc nip this im the bud cause it cant get better if you dont address your concerns, it can only get worse- oh and congrats on your baby

Answer 2

I obviously have a totally diferent view to a lot of other people, but here it is anyway. I have never believed that a wife has to be "financially independant" in the day to day running of a household. I believe that if she is working, the bills should be split, not down the middle, unless she is earning the same as him. If she earns 1/2 of his salary for example, she should pay only have as much as he should. That is the wa my husband and I worked things out while I was working. I have my own account, and my "nest egg", but that was always done after the bills had been taken care of. Marriage is, in my view, an equal but fair partnership, and to us, that was a fair way of doing things. Now that you are no longer working, I think that he should be only too happy to pay for everything. After all, he has a 50% share in you being pregnant in the first place. I understand about boys and their toys, but do think that he is being a bit immature and selfish, putting them above you and the baby. Next time he tells you there is no money for food, do not give him any! Whatever money your friends and relatives give you, use for food for yourself and your baby, and tell him you have nothing for food, unless he gives it to you. Now is the time that YOU should be spoilt, not him.Every woman deserves a bit of pampering when she is carrying such a precious cargo, and should not have to go through what you are at the moment. I do hope things start looking up for you soon.

Answer 3

irritated, sure....pissed off...no.

look, life is about to severly change in the house when baby comes...if there is any time for him to be selfish, it's right now....cuz that is about to be over...

if there is one thing I've learned, having been married a very long time and with a few kids...guys need their "stuff"...you might find it trivial...but they, well, best way to describe it is that it helps them retain their masculinity...it makes them feel like thay have some control...and if you were working right now, those items wouldn't be a problem...

right now, there is no need to stress yourself out over something that really is trivial...yes he had to western union you 50 bucks...but he had it...so where is the problem....really?

You aren't NOT going to have food...you know that...you are being a bit sensative right now which is understandable...more than likely your irritation is stemming a lot from the "nesting" women do right before going into labor...

settle down, he's stressing over the new baby arrival...his purchases are a reflection of that...have a bit of patience & understanding...

Answer 4

You should not only be angry, you should be scared. I have dealt with a remarkably similar situation for many years now. When the basic bills like food, rent/mortgage, electric, heat, etc. go unpaid in favor of your husbands' personal whims, that is ABUSE. Your husband is behaving irresponsibly, and endangering you and your unborn child. Sounds like your current lack of income is a temporary situation, and that in the past you have contributed to the joint finances. So what do you do??? #1. If you have a joint account, when he gets paid go to the grocery store and use your ATM card to buy food BEFORE he can spend the money on his whims. #2. Try to talk to him and make him understand why his actions are hurtful. #3. Start eating dinner at a friends' house or with your parents, and when he comes home from work expecting dinner offer PB&J and explain there was no money for food. You'll have had a good meal, and you can chuckle while he suffers with that for dinner!! Repeat this until he buys food or gives you money to get food! #4. Examine your heart and decide if you want to put up with this, or if you'd be better off cutting your losses now and getting off the ship before he sinks it. Legal Aid may offer help. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 5

A lot of times we get into relationships where one person is a thrifty spender and the other spend frivolously. From my own personal experience some men have to mature to a certain level of accountability. It is our job to help them get there. Sometimes either the man or the woman in the relationship has been handicapped when it comes to being responsible because someone else has always "had their back". Put your husband in a place that he has no choice but to come up. Financial problems are one of the number one reasons for divorce in America. Talk with him and let him know how you feel. Maybe suggest those extra things that he likes to do as rewards when he takes care of business. I was out of work for six months and my husband was the only one working. He had no other choice but to step up or step out. It didn't happen instantly but he eventually learned to take his role! And yes when he didn't have a job I was the one working and taking care of business. Congratulations on the baby!

Answer 6

This problem should have been nipped in the bud long ago. When you are married there is no his money or her money there is only OUR money and he and she get a weekly allowance. The rest pays bills, rent, buys food and other needs and the balance gets put away for the future. The End. As he has control over the only income and is not keeping food in the house, he IS committing a crime, spousal abuse. You not informing him of the fact that you are not going to stand for it is simply enabling him. What's going to happen when formula and diapers are needed?

Answer 7

It is to your money! He is your husband and you are pregnant!You have a right to speak up.He should also be concerned that your getting enough vitamins for the baby and to sustain you through the labor.It is time for him to grow up and stop buying video games and start buying things to make your home functional.This is exactly why me and my children's father are no longer together.Seriously when you have your baby with the prices of formula he is not going to have extra money to get those stupid video games.The baby also is going to need a clean germ free home.He better get his stuff together! If he is like this while your pregnant it's only going to get worse for you when the baby gets there.

Answer 8

Well, I'm NOT suggesting you divorce... but it is a wake up call for him to know that he WILL have money for this should he be paying child support. It's taken right off the top of the paycheck.

You need to be assertive and still maintain your peace. Hopefully he will understand his role, and enjoy it. Make him a shopping list of all the things you need so he sees where the money is going -- and that you're not just asking for yourself.

Answer 9

I don't want to sound rude - but how come his ugly side didn't rear up earlier during the pregnancy or even before you got pregnant? At this stage you have to confront head on and tell him off. If he still dares to spend on trivial things after you tell him off once, try telling his parents and your parents and be direct with them as well. Tell them their son/son-in-law is squandering his money on toys. If you have friends who know both you and your husband, ask them for help talking to him.

Answer 10

Hey, you are married. His income is partly yours, especially if you are pregnant with his child. Tell him that it is time to grow up, and start supporting his family the way he is supposed to.