If your married or in a serious relationship and having an affair what is the common or appropriate thing to do, tell the person while the affair is happening or after the affair is done?
Additionally, are some lies in a marraige necessary?
2007-06-20 16:19:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Reason for telling during would be to maintain full honesty.
after is ovious because then you can both decide if you want to make it work.
2007-06-20 16:20:34 · update #1
FYI: I am not having an affair. He is having an affair but he told me about it when it started, i dont want advice on our situation i just want to know if its best to discole affairs from the start or only when over
2007-06-20 16:29:59 · update #2
Keep silent.
2007-06-20 16:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by Cheyennesmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had an affair and now it is over, I think you should just keep it to yourself. It does no good to tell the other person. Sure you will feel that the burden of the secret is lifted off you and now your husband will have to decide what to do. If you love him and want to continue in the marriage, you NEVER let it happen again EVER! Be a good wife, mother, person and friend to your husband. If he ever finds out, it may be 20 years down the road and you can apologize then. There is nothing appropriate in confessing to cheating. You have a decision to make here. Either you tell yourself that you will never let it happen again or you divorce your husband and sleep around as much as you want. Two options.
2007-06-20 16:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think people usually tell about an affair once they get caught.
and that the "appropriate" thing to do is not start an affair in the first place. not meaning to sound sarcastic, but i can't think of anything appropriate to do when having an affair.
i suppose once you're in it, you should stop and tell both the "lover" and spouse and hope for forgiveness and a new start.
i don't believe lies are EVER "necessary".
2007-06-20 16:28:31 · answer #3 · answered by shyanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no proper time to tell the person you are having an affair. If you are having an affair then something is wrong in the marriage and you need to either fix it or get out. You need to talk to them and tell them know about it, end the affair and fix yourself.
2007-06-20 16:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by caligal68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long after the affair started did it finish??
its good that he told you about it, but at the same time if he told you about it, and felt anything other than sadness and embarrassed...theres really no point in telling you. 'oh yeah babe..by the way...im uh, gonna sleep over a kathys house tonight okay? yeah im having an affair. we just started it.'
thats sounds kindof skewed to me :/
i think that the only lies in marriage that are neccessary are 'no baby, you dont look like youve gained weight to me'
2007-06-20 16:45:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not going to maintain anything if you tell him. Be prepared to lose everything. We get guilty when we do stupid things, it makes us feel better to confess. But it hurts the other person.
Unless you are prepared to lose this person, take the secret to the grave and end the other relationship now.
2007-06-20 16:24:42 · answer #6 · answered by No one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you're ready to leave him/her for the object of your affection. Simple rule of thumb regarding affairs: Don't have them, but if you do, KYBMS (Keep your big mouth shut)! Sure, you'll ease your own guilt, but to what end? Your spouse will never forget, and he/she will never forgive you for ruining his/her blissful ignorance with something he/she didn't need to know.
2007-06-20 16:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by Judgie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no good time to disclose an affair.
what it depends on is if both of you want to work it out or end it....
best to you both...
2007-06-20 16:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get it out in the open and deal with it ASAP*... It makes no sense to prolong it*...
2007-06-21 01:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋