What can a woman expect who is considering divorce after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids??

Question

No job, stay at home Mom. No assets. Screwed?? Please try to be sincere and not just take shots. Thanks.

Answer 1

Don't even think about it. Forget all those that send you the line "you deserve to be happy too, don't stay in the marriage for the kids" You have one problem now (I assume your hubby) after a divorce you will have a zillion and you still will not be "happy". Find happiness within your marriage (and that does not necessarily mean with your husband) find girlfriends to hang with, take a class, get fit, get a life outside of your children's life. Once you become more exciting your husband might even perk up and try to woo you again.

Answer 2

The first thing I'd suggest you do is to look at the reasons why you are considering divorce. My values are that abuse (physical or emotional) and addictions are the only factors that make divorce a necessity. However, those are my values and not necessarily yours.

I would like you to think long and hard about divorce, and (if it is still what you want to do) consider the following.

Depending on where you live, you should be entitled to 50% of the assets acquired during the marriage. Even if you think you're broke, it is astonishing how quickly the value of our stuff piles up. That's why we think we're broke, in fact.

The fact that you are a stay-at-home mum, supported by your husband, generally means that he will be required to continue to support you. This is true in Canadian law, even if the only reason the wife has never worked is because she is too lazy.

So. I imagine that you will be looking at half the value of your famly assets, and some spousal and child support.

I suspect, however, that you are asking about more than just the financial arrangements.

I marvel at the fact that most men say that divorce laws favour the woman, and most women say that divorce laws favour the man.

If you do decide to go through with the divorce, you will need professional legal advice, not amateur stuff from answerers of your question (myself included) however kindly or sincerely intended.

Answer 3

A challenging time, however there are agencies available to help walk you through. The no job...stay at home mom part hinders you more than others.
So many questions that could help to give more insight. How old are the children? Why did you choose to be a stay at home mom...no job?
Literally, at first, the man will have to pay to have you live to the extent that you were accustomed to, however...most courts today request you to go for training to be employable, so that you will be able to 'stand on your own'. How old are you? The older or longer away from school, sometimes more of a challenge to learn, however, not impossible.
The children will be affected, but then again...what has the marriage done to or for them? Will leaving be in their best interests? If abuse has been present in their lives...that will be another point of interest to the courts. Today the welfare and safety of children are their first priority as it should be. Raising 3 children on your own is not the tea party you might think it would be. Is shared custody a possibility?
Very few men consider dating or marrying a woman with more than 1 to 2 children. So get ready to give your undivided interests totally and completely to the children, in that the other half is no longer going to be present or in the same home.
Nonetheless, women from all over the world have survived divorce and have moved on. If there is abuse...get out and get one with the divorce. Save your children. If there is no abuse and you've just gotten bored with the marriage...get a hobby that will enrich and add to your personal growth.
If there is an 'outside' interest...give it up. Real men don't mess with another man's territory. The man on the outside only plays until you are free...then it's not a game any more. You've ruined your life and the lives of others.
If you choose to stay with the marriage...get a job. Build on your personal growth...it will bring newness to you and to your relationship.

Answer 4

the beginning of a new life. Your children will always need you and you need to let them know that it isn't their fault that the divorce happened.

Think of this section of your life as a way to find out who you are as a person. Not a wife, and mother (though those are great things to be). Whatever the circumstances of your divorce you were there for ten years. You beared the children and you are their Mother.

Hopefully you have a sincere friend that can help you through this tough time. Don't think of yourself as a person that is from a ten year marriage that has ended in divorce, but a woman that is going to make changes in her life. Just remember that drinking, drugs, and a friend that wants to hook you up with the first available man IS NOT YOUR ANSWER to your change in life.

Start thinking about the things YOU like to do. Most of all, remember raising children, being in a marriage for ten years--YOU have a lot of skills that you may have never though of.

Answer 5

my friend is going through the same thing right now. and i am a house mom with kids allso. the worry about a divorce and what would i do goes through my mind all the time. i hope you have family that loves you and you can lean on because like it or not your going to need them. it is very hard to go through a divorce but its even harder with kids. the goverment does help some there are programs to help with day care costs and collecting child support and finding you a job. some even give you a hundered dollars twice a month if you keep that job. honestly your going to have to start all over again. and your going to need lots of help. because your starting with nothing and lots of little people to support. any help you can get take it. i know its hard to ask for help but if you dont your going to hurt yourself and your kids. if you have any more questions feel free to email me at [e-mail]. your going to need a lawyer to. which cost 500 dollars to much more. i would suggest a lawyer if you are planning to get child support. there are some laywers that work for less you just have to look around. and which child support there is always visitiation and court dates. a divorce can go quick or it can be along drawn out battle. so be prepared this isnt going to be easy but i know you can do it. do it for you and those 3 little angels!

Answer 6

Since your only considering, Do this first...Get an education before you get out, if you start school the judge will be more likely to allow alimony so that you can finish. Get a separate bank account and start saving some money, (but don't put the money in the account) and establish your credit in just your name(you can still use your spouse's income), and get proof of any infidelity and addictions that your spouse has had. Don't reduce any of your children's expenses like childcare or extracurricular activities.

I don't know why your considering divorce, but think long and hard.

And for your children's sake don't start acting like your thinking about divorcing until your absolutely sure. It will disrupt their lives and tip off your husband!

Good Luck...

Answer 7

FIRST - Make sure your children understand (and it would be best if both of you sat down and talked with them) that this impending divorce is in no way their fault. They are very vulnerable at this point and don't, whatever you 2 do, allow yourselves to make those children choose between you. You're both important to them.

Okay, now with that said....
You should get half of everything + alimony + child support and you should get the house and don't forget to ask for 1/2 his retirement.
Whatever the 2 of you have, you have together... working or not.
However, if you can work it out through marriage counseling and/or marriage retreats to get things back on course that would be best for all involved but if all you're going to do is argue, fight, and call each other filthy names, then get divorced !
Don't hurt the kids. What both of you do and how both of you act will effect your children for the rest of their lives.

Answer 8

It will be hard to find a job that will pay enough as you have been out of the workforce for a while. Try to find your key skills. Think of things you are good at. Try to get support for the kids from your husband because you don't want them to suffer. One good business path for you may be opening a home day care. If you can provide a safe place for children- and get good references- you can be up and going in no time. If you have a friend who is unemployed and may have some money to spare- you can be partners and start a day care venture.

Answer 9

you will likely pair up with the first anatomically correct man you can find and your self esteem will be so low you won't care that he has felonies for domestic violence, can't hold a job, and is an alcoholic. kidding. i see this alot on talk shows and it's just sad


but seriously, it's hard dating with kids and being divorced. just don't rush into the first man's arms you find. you are going to be lonely for awhile and you're going to be insecure and scared but your kids need you to stay strong and make a life for them. don't end up like some of these women who are so worried about their own unhappiness that they take in any man that will have them at the expense of their kids.

there are lots of guys who prey on women like you because single mom's so desperately want to start new relationships. women feel good about themselves when they are in relationships. work on stabilizing your life and everything will be just fine.

Answer 10

You will be forced to find a job. You do have assets, though. You are entitled to 1/2 (or more depending on the state) of what you and your husband have together no matter who earned it. You will also be awarded child support from your husband.