my wife slapped me twice. what shoould i do?

Question

we were having an arguement about her spending. she earns thrice as little as i do, but she keeps swiping and pilling up bills. i sat her down to talk to her about this. the talk turned a bit loud i must admit. cos i was getting fraustrated cos she finds no fault in spending all the money i work hard to earn on silly things. i reminded her that i earn more than her and that would get a separate bank acount if she did not minimise her spending, then she just slapped me! not only once but twice on both cheeks. i was in shock and did not do anything. she apologised immediately but should i forgive her just like that?

I am writing from england where it very common to use the word thrice. I therefore find it unfair and galling to know that my choice of words would be used as a weapon to criticise me.

Answer 1

You need to tell her that physical abuse is still abuse even if the woman is the perpetrator. Ask her how she would feel if you hit her twice. Then tell her that you simply will not tolerate physical abuse.
But, let's get to the heart of the problem, shall we? Don't threaten your wife with an account she can't get to, it is insulting.
Sit down together and make a budget. Put a set pound number amount away in savings on a regular basis. Set aside money for home repair, things you want prioritized on a list, vacations, etc., each month. Agree as to when and how much credit cards are used. Then, what is left over is what you both play with, not just one of you. These discussions need to be amicable, not arguments. It is to better the future for both of you, and tell her that that is the goal.

IF she breaks these rules, then you have the right to protect yourself financially and set up a separate account, but she should be warned that this is going to happen only if she continuously breaks the spending rules and has a problem being financially responsible.

Answer 2

Slapped twice but just a thrice of what you earn?

What she did was a power thing and in some countries, where the word thrice is not really used, ever, this would be considered spousal abuse.

HOWEVER, you are the one who has the power issue here. You make "thrice" the amount of money and you have the gall to play a money power game here? My guess is that you're a stuck-up snob and that she knew that there is absolutely no reasoning with you. No doubt she's tried to reason with you more than once in the past, probably more than "thrice."

And what do you consider silly things? Maybe you're being silly by encouraging your wife to keep her low-paid job? Surely, if you supported her more and you took her seriously, as an equal, then she would not doubt go out, get a good education (if she doesn't already have one) and a job that pays "thrice" as much as yours.
You're a bit of a chauvinist, aren't ya?
Your wife shouldn't have slapped you, obviously. But really, this was probably the only way for her to get you to stop your nagging and money-pinching ways.

PS:
And please, do read my comments thrice.
Hahahaha. Where's your sense of humor?

Answer 3

Well if the roles were reversed and a man had slapped a women what do you think would happen? Often the police would be called and he'd be taken to jail. What she did is considered abuse and she could be arrested. I would sit her down at a time when you are both calm and let her know under no uncertain terms that if she EVER hits you again, you'll be making the call to the police.

The money issues are a separate issue and you might need to get some financial counseling to help her understand the value of money.

Answer 4

Yes you should forgive her. If it was a heated conversation people say and do things they do not mean. I agree there is a problem with the money. I use to be like that too but I figured out that when I was feeling down I would spend. It was a way that I used to make myself happy only it would only last for a little while. She needs to figure out why she spends like that. Maybe a marriage counselor could help. BUT just remember just because you earn more then her doesn't mean it is just your money. You are married and the two became as one. Plus when you say a phrase like you did, that sets her into defensive mode as it would anyone.

Answer 5

Oh my goodness, the answers from some of you people, are you serious?
First of all, it will take a while to forget that she slapped you but did you curse her? I know first hand what it feels like for my husband to remind me that he makes more money than I do. Its very common for a husband to make more money. If she's spending too much money on silly things then you 2 should get 2 separate account. deposit extra in her account for bills,etc, if thats the way you handle it. but i would do that until you can get her to cut back some.
As far as her hitting you, you need to let hre know how unacceptable that behavior is. dont give her as much 'attention' for a few days, that should be a good enough clue for her that you mean business. DONT jump to divorce. there are too many couples out there now that think the only answer is divorce. they forget what made them fall in love in the first place.
but you should never ever, under any circumstances remind her that you make more3 than she does and how hard to work for it. i'm sure she works just as hard as you do and its actually degrading to a woman to hear that. it drives me absolutely mad when my husband and i have the money talk, lol.
but good luck, doesn't sound like its too bad, just questionable to you.

Answer 6

You should tell her that if she EVER slaps you again, you will insist on counseling for her. That is abuse and wrong.

I will say this. In a good marriage it doesn't 'matter who earns the most. You put your money together and make a budget together and don't hold it up to her that she earns less. Threatening her is wrong, too. That's just wrong. If she is over spending your budget, ask her what she is prepared to do about it. Maybe she just needs to talk to an accountant to understand your financial situation.

Yes, forgive her THIS time. But tell her you won't tolerate it again.

Answer 7

That is spousal abuse and should not be tolerated. Everyone would be responding differently is she was saying you slapped her. I would forgive her, but tell her that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior again.

As far as the finances go I would make a budget that includes spending money for her. It is going to have to be a compromise for both of you. It also needs to be reasonable. This way she is happy knowing that she has some extra money that she can spend freely. If she can stick with the budget then you can relax and know that she is happy, but not at your bank account's expense.

Answer 8

Sorry for some of the YA's teasing. However, you should be upset, NOT ONLY IS YOUR WIFE PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR INCOME. NIP THIS IN THE BUD.

Don't threaten to get separate savings/checking accounts, JUST DO IT! The spouse who is the 'spender' of the family, has to be pulled back into reality. List the bills and cut them in half. Have that money placed in a third checking account to pay bills from. If she disagrees with this, let her know that you are no longer going to work for her excessive spending habits and you 'insist' that she gets into anger management class(es) as a criterion for you to remain with her.

IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE TO STRIKE ANYONE, FAMILY OR NOT. She is a spoiled woman, and you possibly had something to do with that, letting her get away with this for so long. TREAT HER LIKE A TEEN YOU ARE TRAINING TO HANDLE THEIR MONEY. CHECK EVERYTHING DOING WITH HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES, TO SEE IF ANY ARE OVER DUE. THEN, START THE NEW PLAN ON THE 1ST OF THE MONTH, OR WHEN MOST OF THE BILLS ARE DUE.

NO, YOU SHOULD NOT FORGET WHAT SHE DID AND YOU SHOULD NOT FORGIVE HER TILL SHE GETS HELP FOR HER ANGER.

I pray that her love is sincere and she is not with you for the SECURITY that she has with you. MAKE HER ACCOUNTABLE! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

Answer 9

You should forgive her for slapping you, as well as you aplogizing to her. Yes apologize to her. She probably felt as if you were talking down to her and she was hurt by it. There could have been a different approach then telling her that you could get seperate accounts is like telling her you do not trust her in anyway. You might not trust her too much. But in a marriage there should be. What's yours is hers and hers is yours. You need to sit down and show her the bills and let her know that the direction you 2 are going...not just her...is not going to be a pretty one if you 2 do not get your...as in both of you...under control. This a problem for both of you not just her. Just open up with her and keep the volume down. Just remeber to aplogize about the way you came about the conversation.

Answer 10

unless there is a history of violence, i would forgive her. finances are the number one reason people divorce. it's no wonder the argument got heated. try to remind her that you're talking about this because of family security. rather than attacking try helping her see that your future is in jeopardy. what will happen if you are injured and can't work? what would happen if you were laid off and all those bills were around?

pointing out that she makes less devalues her contribution to the family. sure, women earn less but if you had to pay for many of the services wives provide (laundry, cooking, cleaning, childcare, sex) you would see you're really getting a great deal. if she weren't providing all these tasks, perhaps she could be out working one or more jobs and earning more for the family.

either way, you are having problems that could lead to divorce. you feel betrayed because she keeps spending when she knows it bothers you. she feels betrayed because you make her feel like a child who contributes nothing to the relationship because she "earns less". it's not uncommon for women to shop as a way of coping "retail therapy" with their problems. you may be contributing to the problem more than you know. try to stay positive when talking with her and if it gets heated and you think either of you will lose control, just agree to discuss it at a later date.