My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We are both christian and we have three little children together. We seperated and I met someone new. And fell very quickly. This other guy says that he is in love with me. (We knew eachother through work for over a year now) Now husband wants me back and is trying really hard. He said that I am his whole world and he is depressed without me. I feel stuck. I love my husband. But we have had alot of problems in the past, with his video game addiction, abuse, and lack of attention. (I was far from perfect too!) the other guy has a couple of bad habits too but we have lot more in common and we get along great and he is more motivated than hubby. Now I am so confused....because I am afraid to give up my family because I know it is best for children to have both parents. And I am also afraid to give up the new guy because what if I am giving up soemthing good and hubby turns back to his old ways. If you were in my situation what would you do?
2007-06-20 15:41:28 · 16 answers · asked by Confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You mentioned three problems w/you husband, one was abuse, the other addiction. IF he hasn't resolved his addiction, it w/STILL exist & you'll still be dealing w/that. You also mentioned abuse. I don't know if it was physical or mental, BUT if that too isn't addressed or resolved either, you're still going to have that to deal with. Do you really want these things back in your life again, regardless of the children or not? I'm sure he is depressed, he knows what he did that ended the marriage in the first place. IF he is really depressed, he CAN get medication for that one. But the two other situations are what concern me. What is wrong w/you enjoying someone who treats you w/respect & you both enjoy one another. I honestly say to keep up w/the present relationship. You could find that he actually IS the one you were meant to be with in the first place. You deserve to be happy & also do the children. If it's a happy home life, the children w/be more of a success & have less stress on their young lives. I say to give yourself a chance w/the one you're with. Just tell your husband you aren't ready yet & don't know IF you w/be. Just be honest w/him w/o telling him as much as you have to. It's none of his business now. Best of luck to you & I hope you can find your answer sooner than later & w/know for sure.
2007-06-20 15:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sue C 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetheart I know exactly how you feel, except for my situation wasn't complicated by children. The reasons you gave for leaving your husband are difficult but are not things that you cannot overcome. I know everyone says "go to counseling" but seriously, if you haven't tried that, you at least owe your marriage that much. You have to keep reminding yourself that this other relationship is new and exciting - which is something that is not going to last. You and the new guy will have issues to deal with and you may regret not giving your husband a chance. You have to think about what it will be like if you divorce your husband and he remarries - how will you feel about another woman being involved with your children? How will you feel if you husband has more children with another woman. Believe me, it's HARD dealing with ex husbands and the children. You will have alot more problems than if you just stayed with your husband. Also, it will be very difficult for the new guy to try and parent your children. Sometimes the children resent the new person - believe me - been there... I think that when you lay it all out, the best choice is to reconcile with your husband - but definately start seeing a Christian counselor. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-06-20 15:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by Be me 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally do not think you need to be dating anyone right now, not even your husband. You need time to figure yourself out with out any others in the picture. You also need to figure out what you want and see if your husband really will change. Your focus should be placed on you and your children. I would not go back to him until I really saw a change and saw it for a while. This other guy sounds great because you just met him and are in the rebound and honeymoon phase right now. It seems like fun compared to where you have been. But you need to be by yourself for a while so as much as I know you will hate to hear this, I have to say it, let him go and figure out everything else first. If this new guy and you are meant to be you will find each other again one day but not now. Good luck.
2007-06-20 15:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by caligal68 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you don't deal with the problems that led to the breakup of your first marriage, they will undoubtedly repeat themselves. Don't let your ex manipulate you into returning to that relationship. If it is really what you both want, you both need to be willing to work and work hard on what went wrong. Things will not change or be different in the long run if you don't. If you decide to stay separated from your husband, my best "advice" is to focus on YOU for a while. Heal and grow for yourself so you will be able to have a healthy and loving relationship when you are ready. I really hope you haven't exposed your kids to this going back and forth mess.
2007-06-20 15:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by angelfish 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
So he has a job in yet another state that he did no longer refer to you approximately previously... and then visits...yet does no longer something to help yet toss funds your thank you to pay off debt? No ask your self you're having this way of hard time with this. He needs to be a husband... which he won't be in a position to be while he's faraway from you lots of the time. sit down and have a real communicate with him and tell him he needs to be with you - no longer in yet another city. it is not honest to the two of you on your marriage... and thoroughly lacks any problem on your emotions approximately important judgements. He needs to make the alternative to paintings on the marriage and be there for you. or perhaps it's time to throw interior the towel for you!
2016-09-28 05:11:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to your husband. If you go with this other guy, you are committing adultery. Stay far away from this other guy. Quit your job if he still works with you. Tell him you are staying with your husband. If you are a Christian, you should already know what to do. Read the Bible, get a New Living translation and read it.
2007-06-20 15:54:41 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Raisiong your kids in an abusive enviroment even just his abuse to you affects them . You are taeching them that that is normal by them seeing that everyday .so if you want to go back to that then so be it ....my parents used to argue and fight at times so badi i wish they had seperated because its hard on kids growing up with that around too..
Whether you live with your husband or stbx he is still their father and they still have 2 parents just 2 house holds .
It sound sliek you jumped from one relationship to the next without time to just be yourself , learn to be ok withbeing alone kinda time ..
mabey you should take a cool out time from both of them to get your thoughts straight ..
i'd also say if it really was bad enoughto get out and you go back sometime in the future it will go back to same old ways if you go back again..i've seen it happen wayyy to many times.
well good luck hope it works out for you
2007-06-20 16:04:20 · answer #7 · answered by silkbutterfly1973 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in your situation minus the children. I am currently going through the most identical situation you are. All I can say is trust your feelings and follow your heart. Do what is best for YOU and your children first then look at the men involved. Good Luck to you.
2007-06-20 15:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by i_b_winkn_at_u 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
ooh that is confusing but you made a promise to your husband through sickness and health. If you can't be with him its ok to get a divorce. He can still visit the children. Get joint custody. You deserve to be happy. but you got to make some major decisions.
2007-06-20 15:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
by dating, you're just introducing a new problem into an already troubled marriage. either commit to fix your marriage and stick w/it or end it, but don't be dating while you're married! You're just going from one problem to another...get some professional help so you can figure out what the problem is....ok?
2007-06-20 15:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by Forever 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋