Does the cheating always include another person?I feel cheated when my husband puts work or school before me.He gets angry when I try to get him to spend time with me.We have talked the issue to death..He graduates in like 4 months..I guess what I'm saying is that I am no where near a priority to him, and I feel neglected.He wont hug me or kiss me anymore,but he will let me hug and kiss him most of the time.I want to be a good wife and a godly woman, but it hurts. I feel like if I was gone he wouldn't notice. To vent some of my frustration, I talked to a close friend about leaving him. The friend, trying to help, told him, and made things even worse. I wasn't going to actually leave, I just thought it would hurt less than this.I really don't know what to do now... and now his feelings are hurt and he no longer wants to have sex or even touch me.What should I do? I love my husband, MORE THAN LIFE, and I want things to get better,but I feel that he gave up on us a long time ago.
2007-06-20 14:06:03 · 11 answers · asked by Jen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To answer chicago's question, i recently lost 15 lbs, and I look pretty good. I feel good about myself.. His school is a computer school. the only woman in his class is 45. I know he wouldnt cheat... he doesn't have the time or energy, and plus, no matter if he loves me or hates me, he wouldnt hurt me like that... He is a good man, he works hard, and i tell him all the time that i appreciate him. I am just trying to be a godly woman and a good wife, and its hard. I just dont know where the line is, where i start to worry about myself instead of him.
2007-06-20 14:28:09 · update #1
Also, I dont know if this matters, I'm only 21, and he's 24. We've been married 3 years.
2007-06-20 14:30:10 · update #2
you better sit him down NOW for a heart to heart talk about what he really wants. at the current rate, he will move into a job and live there instead of school - to YOUR detriment. either this situations changes or you should move on and take care of yourself. can you really envision years and years of this? don't allow it.
2007-06-20 14:22:39 · answer #1 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did not say how long the two of you have been married that is very important. He is just being a man,look at his family do they show love to each other and if not then he doesn't no how.If he lets you show him then what is the problem just show him and teach him.It's hard for guys to show there feelings because they think if they do you will take advantage of them. As far as him not touching you now he will get over it,you just hurt his feelings.He really does not understand why you feel the way you do,he married you after all is what he is thinking.Remember he can not read your mind and you can't read his mind. If you love him like you say you do then give it time you both are still getting to no each other.What ever you do don't go behind his back and talk to someone about your marriage.If you threaten to leave him he
just might beat you to the punch so be very careful with that one .Guys don't like that they will leave you if they think they can beat you to it. I no because my husband did it to me.
2007-06-20 14:44:42 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for how you feel. I can relate. MY last girlfriend was such a control freak....that and her massive pride and ego cost our relationship. She had a holier than thou attitude, but in reality I saw that she was severely insecure, and unfortunately no amount of pampering or love/understanding/tolerance/affection/etc can fix that affliction.
So I had to sit and watch her get worse and worse, and more mean and hostile, knowing that I was right in what was happening, but trying to talk to a personality like this yields nothing but confrontation and conflict.....which she loves.
Interesting problem tho......the person with the (main) problem has an affliction which is in direct opposition to the very act of trying to deal with it.....talking, discussion, etc.
Anyway......it's not cheating per se as you mentioned. You just feel 'cheated' in a sense. Hard to gauge this. As long as you aren't a demanding or otherwise needy partner, where you require so much from him that he shuts down because of it.....this is also how that relationship was I was just telling you about.
If you have talked to him, and understanding him just falls on deaf ears....how about anger? Have you gotten angry at him?
You may have to resort to counseling. I'd suggest you go actually. This sounds like a pretty sticky situation to me.
Best of luck and blessings to you that this works out!
2007-06-20 14:25:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need out of the relationship it's drying up. Sometimes this happens, people grow apart from each other when there interests are no longer similar. This is just my opinion but I would leave now and find happiness play the field and explore life some more. Maybe you both settled to soon. I know it's pain full but the longer you wait the more pain you'll have. i could b wrong so good luck..
2007-06-20 14:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by buttercup30 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey I am so sorry...I have no answer for you....but I am going through the exact same thing....I tell myself I don't love him anymore cuz it hurts less than accepting the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with me....he's always busy too...
So i can't offer an answer but if you need support I'm here 4 ya
2007-06-20 14:10:51 · answer #5 · answered by beautiful_mind1217 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look..this is a hard spot...because in his mind..he is trying to support the family and PROBABLY..no promises...probably.things will improve after he gets out of school...but if it doesn't then you NEED to talk..and maybe talk prior to so that he is aware that the "gig" is up and that come the end of the year...you won't tolerate the crap anymore..
simply stated...if you don not respect me or take care of me and think you can continually neglect me...you've got another thing comin...and if you do NOT treat me like I deserve..then I'll walk..simple as that...you decide...I love to you pieces but this will not work and if you planned this to work this way..then your idea isn't working either!
2007-06-20 14:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are rather selfish. your hubby put work and education is partly because he wants both of you to have better life, did he do wrong?! and there you are only thinking about yourself. no wonder he is hurt and won't touch you. he thinks that you don't share his view (which you should, to be a good wife) and not being as supportive. if you really love your hubby more than your life, help him achieve and support him in his work and school unless he is working on something illegal.
2007-06-20 14:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by Bront L 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry for what you are going through. Work and school shouldn't be more important to him than you. Work and school should be important but not more than you. Maybe you guys should go to a marriage therapist and see what they say. Good luck.
2007-06-20 14:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by Mommyof2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi! pray for him, pray for yourself too, ask God what you need to change, God loves you and does not want you to live in pain, give God your whole heart, and trust in Him, He loves your husband more than you can love him, trust God with your life, things will change.....may God bless you.....good luck
2007-06-20 14:25:54 · answer #9 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you expect your husband to love YOU when you don't even LOVE YOURSELF????? You're trying too hard and he is not trying at all. And that is all because you love him "MORE THAN LIFE" and he knows it! He has to want to change. You can't change him. He will only resent you for trying.
2007-06-20 14:10:48 · answer #10 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋