porn question for people in a relationship-->?

Question

i have a huge issue with my fiancee watching porn. he promised not to watch it anymore and even gave away all his dvd's. its been almost a month and i found him sneaking it like a little kid. his defense is that hes a guy and he needs it and since im just a girl i will never understand.
am i wrong to think once you decide to get married to someone its time to put away things like beating off to some other chick????!!!
what do i do?
do i give in and say whatever and just resent him for it for the rest of my life or do i stand my ground???

are there guys out there who dont watch porn all the time??

are there guys that would give it up if their fiance asked them to?

please help.... this is driving me crazy and starting to make me rethink getting married.
the real problem is that i cant get excited because i keep thinkin of him getting off to some s.l.u.t. it turns me off and i dont want him to touch me,, what do i do?????

im not trying to control dammit! i think of this as a respect issue! when he looks at other women it is disrespectful and i personally dont like it. i feel like i have the right to aask the man im suposed to live the rest of my life with to be honest respectable and have only eyes for the woman hes about to marry and no one else. he has the right to decide which is more important but NOT to ask me to live with something i HATE!
not that its any of your business but we have a wonderful sexlife, very freaky and spicy and all of it but he says im not always around. what like he can f*ckin wait till i get home from work!!!????

i dont want to marry a f*ckin pig!

Answer 1

Porn, to me is no big problem; although my husband doesn't have a steady diet of it. I personally don't feel cheated, or violated when he wants to watch it. My advice to you is to slow down on the talk of marriage until you get this figured out. This is a big issue to you, and he should take it seriously if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Answer 2

This is a very interesting question. I personally don't see anything wrong with watching porn whether you're male or female (I personally love it and I have watched it with my husband). Why don't you watch it with him, maybe you could add a little spice to your love lives! Let me ask you this - have you ever HONESTLY fantasised about anybody else either during sex or just in general becasue if you have then surely you are (by your own standards) disrespecting the man you are with. Imagination and fantasy are very important to a thriving sex life I think and I certainly don't begrudge my husband having it in the house or watching it. I know he loves me and finds me sexy and as long as it's you he comes home to at the end of each day then I don't see what all the fuss is about. If you try and repress fantasies and urges like this then all you're doing is pushing your man away and that is, eventually, what will drive him into the arms of another - into the arms of someone he CAN explore this kind of thing with. If you love your man then let him be himself. The porn is nothing personal against you. Although some is abit tasteless there is some porn out there which is quite sexy and you can have some really good fun whilst watching it with your man. For your own sake I hope you learn to accept your man for who he is. How would you like it if he said he was re-thinking getting married to you because you liked to do masturbate? It doesn't make him a pig either, just be grateful that he was honest enough with you in the first place to share something like that with you.

Answer 3

This is actually a good question, and can be looked at from both sides. Chill out, he's a man or No way, my way or the highway. Besides how you feel about the porn (insecure and grossed out), does your fiance do a good job of letting you know you are special to him? Does he treat you well and romance you and work hard to let you know you are beautiful? Does he neglect you in anyway due to the porn? Does he seem addicted to the point that he's not doing normal everyday stuff? These are questions to consider. My husband likes to watch porn, but there was a time in our marriage where if he watched it, I knew nothing about it. He disliked hiding it and eventually we had a long talk about it. We decided that we must 'invite' the other to join us if we are looking at pics or porn, and leave it up to the other one, no hiding. I immediately felt better about it, and it hardly ever comes up as an issue. Besides, we have found ways to spice up our sex life without a whole lot of porn. Do some heavy thinking here, as you are not married yet, and this could be a lifetime of issues ahead???

Answer 4

I see that there is nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it is doing so when it is just the two of you. Watching porn for him might help some emotional or physical problems that might be going on with him and is too afraid to tell you. It beats going out and cheating. We like to go shopping and get our hair and nails done to look pretty. Men can't do that stuff so they invest their time in stuff we don't seem to care much about. As long as he is not getting hooked on it, downloading stuff over the computer or running your phone bill sky high talking to sex lines, then it is a harmless vice. If you watch it with him, it might be more exciting than you think. For me, sex is a h*ll of a lot better right after him watching porn. Think about it...what benefit could it havefor you?

Answer 5

Speaking as a man and as a man who has had this issue from relationships in the past. This is not what you want to hear, but you need to lighten up. Men are visually stimulated. That means with their eyes. When is the last time you dressed up and gave him something to look at? When is the last time you took the initiative of giving him something to think about instead of porn? By doing what he is doing, he is telling you that the visual stimulant is not there. Understand that this is not a statement of numbers on a scale. He is married to you and loves you. Give him something to look at. He WANTS to see you naked. He WANTS to have great sex with you. Yea it is a two way street, but he is going putting effort into LOOKING at something, not SLEEPING with someone other than you. Mad that he is thinking about Jessica Alba when he is with you....? Here is the important part of what I just said HE IS WITH YOU!!!!! Do you like Brad Pitt? Have you ever thought about him while...? Well GET OVER IT!!! IT IS JUST PORN!!!!
In my best Dr. Phil voice: "IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU!!!!" It is just porn.
Let's review:
#1 Give him something to look at because obviously you have not because he is looking at porn.
#2 He is f***ing you and wants to f*** you
#3 He WANTS to see you in sexy things... make it a game... play time!!! Woo Hoo! Heaven forbid you enjoy sex with your husband!!!!
#4 Porn is just something to look at because men are visually stimulated. Maybe you can go shop for porn together and find something you both like...
#5 Victoria Secret. Tomorrow. Do it. And a clue about what to buy... if you think you look "pretty" don't buy it. You don't want to look trashy, but almost. That is what your husband wants.
#6 He is your husband. You are his wife. That means that you are his everything. That includes his s.l.u.t. Try it, it is a game! He will still love you, and you can't get arrested.
#7 Relax. Take a deep breath. Now go blow your husband for no reason. He will throw out the porn tonight. I know what I am talking about.
(Whew)

Answer 6

I think HE should seriously re-think getting married to YOU.

Haven't even got down the isle yet and YOU'RE trying to CONTROL him.

News Flash - men jack off (with or without porn). We are visual creatures - its hardwired.

Better him visualizing the sluts in the DVD's or mags then to be thinking of the cute girl at the grocery check-out, or your neighbor lady in a few years. At LEAST the gals in the DVD's are unattainable.

When you go frigid in a couple years (if you last that long) and he starts to feel hard up, you don't want the women in the neighborhood to be his only fodder for his fantasies.

I agree with the woman how suggests making your own for him. Or watch it together - it will keep it spicy.

Loosen up - or you'll drive him away. He'll look or think about it as long as women have breasts, and he has a heart beat anyway.

Answer 7

I think many of us go through this!!! Is there anything about porn that you could deal with enough to please him while he watches, or would that be even worse? That way you could be involved in what he's doing. I can't tell you how to feel, but I know that biologically, men of a certain age just have the hormone craziness that makes getting off necessary, sometimes many times in one day! It's taken age and a lot of experience for me to see this, so I'm not expecting you to feel the same way I do.

Appreciate the fact that he was willing to try giving it up. I'm sorry that he still needs it in his life right now, but it has nothing to do with his love for you.

Is there any part of porn that grosses you out more than others? I mean, like I personally get disgusted by people having sex with animals, but if my husband wanted to see girl on girl sex, then I wouldn't be upset. In the same way, is there any sort of porn that wouldn't gross you out? If that's the case, I would just insist that you make him give up those that make you physically sick to your stomach.

Marriage is about compromise. Would you be better off if he watched no videos but checked out magazines or websites? You just have to go through all the possibilities and deal with that which suits both your needs. I know it's hard, but that's what relationships are all about--compromise.

And remember that if you're not at your sexual peak (usually occurs around age 30) and he is, it's going to be like this for awhile. When you get to your sexual peak, he probably won't be at his, and he might be coming here for advice! ;-)

Answer 8

this is something you two need to work out. He is a man but I am married to a man too and he doesn't watch porn. We tried to watch it together once but both ended up laughing because it is so freaky cheesey. I don't get why people get off on it anyway.. but you either need to live with it or he needs to stop if it upsets you this much. Bring it to an end BEFORE you get married. Being married will not change him

Answer 9

i understand your jealousy and insecurity but yes it is normal he is only doing just that watching porn did you think that straight men stopped watching porn looking at other women and wacking off their are probably things that he wants that you wont do or that he is scared to ask you to do and even if you do what he asks he will always have fantasies but do it anyways you might make him watch less of it its also a good way for him to ward off temptation and relieve stress but remember that he married you he loves you and you will always turn him on that's what part of me is telling you but the other part of me understands your pain and hopes that everything goes well because I would feel pissed-off turned-on like crap I would be an emotional mess knowing he was watching porn so like i said before I hope everything goes well
Question: if you knew that he watched porn why are you complaining now there are books which state that it is normal for men to do this and how couples can deal with this check it out at barns and nobles or amazon.com
good luck :)

Answer 10

Whoa - your attitude in this question says a lot. First, you 'made' him stop and then found him "sneaking it like a little kid"? That doesn't sound like the kind of relationship I would want to be in for a life time.
Um...I think you may need to reevaluate this before you get married - this is only going to get WORSE the longer you are married.
One thing - have you tried watching it with him? are you that insecure about yourself that you think he can only get excited by thinking of others?
Wow. Train wreck waiting to happen here.

Answer 11

I watch porn, yet my fiancee does not. Its no longer an dependancy in any respect. nicely, we can be married November third and specific we've had intercourse so formerly marriage. i'm 21 and he or she is 20. we've not got porn because of the fact we don't need porn.