I was expecting twins and went for my 16 week scan and was told that neither of my babies had a heartbeat?

Question

This was 3 months ago and I blame myself, my partner won't talk to me about it and everytime I see a baby or a pregnant woman I break down. What can I do? I dont want to see a councellor. I feel like the only way to cure the pain is to fall pregnant again

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know why you are blaming yourself, as you don't say why, but you have to get past that somehow, in order to start healing. Somehow, you have to try to get your partner to talk to you about everything but it won't happen until he's ready. If you can't talk to your partner anytime soon, then talk to an adult female that you feel comfy with. You need to get your feelings out in the open. Wait until you get to feeling better & stronger, before you try again for a child. This is something you need to talk to your doctor about. He may think it's best for you to wait a while.

Answer 2

I went thru this same thing and I blamed myself for a long time too. You are always wondering if maybe you did or didn't do something that caused it. Everything you are going thru is totally normal. I used to get almost mad when I saw a pregnant woman b/c it wasn't me. It definitely goes away with time but you will always be sad about it. Mine happened 6 years ago and it took a long time to get over but I am pregnant again and feeling great. If you and your partner are ready to try again, go for it. I think b/c men are sort of powerless in these positions, it just makes it hard for them and he probably doesn't want to upset you more. Men just want to protect and when they can't, they feel like they've failed. Most of the time, you miscarry b/c there is something wrong with the fetus. I am sure it had nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. Its kind of God's way of taking care of things before the baby suffers more. Sometimes, things just don't develop properly and there's nothing you can do about it. The good thing is that once you miscarry once, your chances of miscarrying again are really small. You would think they would be higher, but they're really not. Also, something around 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so you are not alone. When you become pregnant again, you're going to be really nervous and anxious so I would recommend that around 10 weeks you order a doppler ultrasound machine. They cost about $20 a month (www.babybeat.com) and they allow you to hear the heartbeat at home whenever you want. I got one and it has allowed me to feel alot more relaxed.

Answer 3

Three months may not be a long enough time to mourn and your partner likely mourns a different way. Men don't want to talk about it, generally. If this was a planned pregnancy, go ahead and try again. A lot of women do after a miscarriage and don't regret it. If not a councellor, try finding a miscarriage support group. Shared misfortune can sometimes help.

If it helps any, the frequency of losing twins is much higher than in singletons. You don't have to do anything wrong. It's just nature.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost 4 pregnancy's and it is never easy. You guys will eventually have to talk about it. After the 2nd loss I kept everything inside and I got really sick and depressed. I kept crying and I dropped to 108 lbs. The hospital gave me books on miscarriage and also some numbers for support groups. I didn't go but it was nice to know they were there if I needed them. Nothing will cure the pain. Time will make it easier to bear. Getting pregnant again should be done for the right reasons and not just to replace your loss. Bless you hon. Try calling your local hospital to see if there are any resources to help you. I hope you guys get through this ok. And please do not blame yourself. It will do nothing but cause you more heartache. These things unfortunatley happen and it's nobody's fault.

Answer 5

You are probably suffering from depression. You are not to blame for this. There are so many things that can go wrong in a pregnancy and twice as many in a multiple pregnancy. I had twins and I was always worrying about their health while I was pregnant. You should probably go see a couselor even if you don't want to and whatever you do, don't get pregnant again to replace the ones you lost, it will only make things harder on you all emotionally.

Answer 6

I am so sorry, you have to let yourself mourn the lost of your children
even if you get pregnant now you will still remember those babies
i have 3 miscarriages it is not easy to get over them
and getting pregnant again was not an answer for me
I am pregnant at the moment although I am OK but I am still remembering the lost and i am taking this pregnancy one day at the time, sad to say that I am waiting for a miscarriage
I just can't beleive that I am 9wks
Take care

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you lost the babies. Do not blame yourself it is in no way your fault!! God has a unique way of getting rid of a unhealthy baby. I think your reaction to other pregnant people is normal for you now but you need to learn how to get over it. First you must break the barrier with your husband. Leave him a card explaining exactly how you feel and how you need him for support. Then try to talk to him to see how he feels about trying for another one right now. You may be surprised that he just may be afraid to try because of disappointing you. But you definitely need to communicate. Good Luck!! Best of wishes,

Answer 8

oh dear, I'm so sorry for ur loss that sounds just awful. but cheer up and don't let it overcome u. I can imagine how hard it is but please don't worry too much, just tell urself that it was god's wish that they die inside of u and that is way better than having a still birth when u carried them the whole 9 months. You need to talk to someone about it!!! it will help u
I wish u good luck and maybe u should really get pregnant again. try to be optimistic
I will pray for u honey

Answer 9

Why don't you want to see a counselor? Your partner won't talk to you, and you need someone to talk with. Before you even begin to think about another pregnancy, you need to resolve the issues you have now. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Oh, that is so sad!!! I am sorry for your loss, I am sure it is unbearable at times. Another pregnancy might help ease the loss, but it won't ever go away. Don't rush into anything, and make sure you are doing what is best for you and your partner. Good Luck!!