Freud's theory of dating people like your fathers?

Question

So just throwing this question out there to see what you people think about it..
is it true? is it just a lie and it's not part of our human nature?

but what if it's a subconscious thing that even though the girl may think they've found someone "different" from their father that the guy actually isn't? and that deep down in the girl's subconsciousness she chose the guy because he actually is like her father but isn't conscious of it?

this might just end up being a debate of some sort but still interested in what you people think!!

Answer 1

You have to be careful of what is sometimes referred to as the 'Barnum Effect'. This suggests that if you make a broad enough comparison, you can make anything seem true. Think about all the different characteristics, likes, and dislikes any one person has. It is almost inconcievable that you could EVER meet a person that is so completely unlike you father not to share SOME characteristic ("I KNEW it! He puts on his pants one leg at a time! Just like Dad!").

I know I've had relationships with people who I thought were like everyone else I liked while the relationship was good, but thought that they were like everyone I didn't like when the relationship was going bad. It's not likely that the PERSON dramatically changed... just how I THOUGHT of that person.

Having said that, I would say that it's more plausible that you tend to be attracted to someone like your father NOT because he's the first man you know and you secretly lust after your father (as Freud would say) but instead because your MOTHER is in many ways your example of what it is to be a woman. And since your mother likes your father (presumably), the rest tends to follow...

Most of Freud's conclusions were drawn from analyzing very, very sick people, or just cribbed from other psychologists. I would think that applying any of his theories to an actual healthy person would be prone to egregious error. But that's me.

Peace.

Answer 2

i think to some extent its true. Because in most girls' lives, the father is the first male they come into contact with. its the their first impression of what a guy IS and should be like. then of course as they grow older, depending on each individual and their family/ social situation they meet other guys (maybe fathers of other friends, step fathers, etc) and slowly they realize the different "variety" that is availible to them. yet, that first impression is still there.... so i think that somehow plays into girl dating people like their fathers....or unlike them if there is something a girl absolutely DOES NOT like about her father.

edit: oooh. i dont have a rebuttle. i think girls might to that subconciously just because dads have a strong impact in a girls lives as they are the first male...wait. i already said that.

anyways, i wonder if this applies to boys. you know...like them dating women like there mother...? probably not...

Answer 3

How true it is. My father left us when I was still a teenager and I promised myself to never be with a man like him. And here I am almost 15 years later marrying someone that I recently noticed is very much like him.