To all Poets please tell me what you think???

Question

Breakable thinning truth filled with lies,
Excuses drown actions
Smirk on face, hit angry places.
Lie in front of me, turn stab my back.
Twist and scratch at my soul
Break, break what was told…
Fatigue in eyes, tears come on …
Force to hold,
Just let go…
All but a nightmare unfold…

*by RpG
Feeling the need of an opinion... have a good day also...

Thanx to everyone with honest opinions and to those with rude ones whatever i do what i do and i write what i feel.

*Unknown You
(title of poem)

Answer 1

I liked this. Very nice imagery. Don't worry about the trolls. They have nothing better to do but be down on everyone. You did good.

Answer 2

I always wonder when people ask other poets what they think how honest they're really being. I do believe though by your comments that you are likely looking for an honest response.

In general, this reads like a bit of a complicated diary entry. I understand you "write what you feel", but quite honestly feeling is not enough. The problem with this piece for me is that it has to many vague abstractions (i.e., truth, lies, excuses, actions, etc). What your poem needs to do to move the reader is have concrete images. Consider the first word of your third line "Smirk", that is a concrete word. Your reader is given an image that conveys something. Close your eyes and say the word smirk, now try saying the word truth...do you see the difference.

I would think about what you were feeling when you wrote this. Think of a concrete scene or of firm images that would convey that feeling and attempt a rewrite.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Poetry starts with the sounds of the words the poet chooses, and their assembly becomes its rhythm. Its meaning arises first out of the way it sounds when it's read out loud.

In that regard, your poem is choppy; it twists and turns, stabs, breaks and scratches, as lies become uncomfortable truth and vice versa. I think it irritates some of the readers here not only because of its fractured style but also because its narrator is absent: we don't know who is backstabbing or being stabbed in the back, or who is reacting with fatigue and tears. Gramatically, neither can be located. Perhaps they're the same person? We can't tell.

Your poem comes at the reader in pieces, and trails off in unresolved ellipses. I detect a method in it, however, and though the feelings are unpleasant, you've effectively communicated your narrator's discomfort and distress by coming up with a voice that mimics that level of distress. Give it a title. It's a poem, and you're a poet.

Answer 4

no it sucks..be more focused on your life and maybe one day a good poem will come to you but until then dont worry be happy.

..Maybe you should write about how people hate your poems so much. Sounds like a good poem in the making. Never give up your dreams, remember that.

Answer 5

It is quite surrealistic and free without any rules emplied, but I feel you have many beautiful things to say and you have simply not found the right way to accomplish this.

Answer 6

Is kinda twisted and a little confusing, I don't quite find the sense of it, no offense, hon but you can do a little bit more.

Answer 7

I think it's overly complicated and you're trying too hard. Get more comfortable, simplify, and try again.

Answer 8

it's okay, but it doesn't flow and the last line is out of place. doesn't fit. actually, the last three lines don't make sense.

Answer 9

It is artistic. I like it.