divorce/ counselling not an option. I feel so lonely and let down most of the time. there are compatiblity issues that keep hurting me. how do i make myself happy and strong inspite of this?
2007-06-20 09:32:13 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
open marriage
2007-06-20 09:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you insist on staying in this situation, and I respect that you have your reasons, maybe the best thing to do is treat it more like a roommate situation instead of a marriage. Divide up responsibilities around the house, split the bills, etc. Develop outside interests that bring you happiness that will take you out of the house and give you something else to focus on once in awhile, spend time with friends. Try to be as cordial & respectful of one another as you can, avoid arguments whenever possible. Sounds cold to speak of a marriage in these terms, but not sure what other choice you have beyond counseling and/or divorce.
2007-06-20 09:44:45 · answer #2 · answered by harlowtoo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely not suggest divorce, but am curious why counseling is not an option? None the less, it sounds like you need to build your self worth and self esteem and find things in your life that do bring your joy. If that means joining a gym, social group, spending more time with family/friends, sports, church or whatever else is enjoyable to you. I think the most unattractive quality for most is our inability to be confident in who we are and live an independent life even when married, while sharing oneness with our spouse. I think you'll find the happier you are with yourself - the happier your spouse will be with you.
Honesty, I would recommend counseling for the two of you to work through those compatibility issues ~ but maybe that will need to be something that is agreed upon in the future.
Also, a good daily tool is to wake up and look around and be grateful for what you have. Whether it be your job, a house, your health, your children... or the simple things -- like your ability to walk with both of your legs, or your vision... and thank whomever you believe blessed you with these "things" -- as small as they may be.
2007-06-20 09:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by nicbenson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you make yourself happy when you don t feel compatible? Well thats tough but since divorce is not an option then why not count your blessings some of the good things about your partner. You may not be living your ideal but there must be some good things as well. Once you have done that, then try to explore your own abilities and talents. Create joy that radiates from within.
2007-06-20 09:36:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the counseling is not an option for you both then you can get some on your own. It really helps to have someone to tell how you feel and they can also give you suggestions on what to do to feel better. Good luck
2007-06-20 09:37:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds bad. I don't know if you have kids or not but may I suggest that they are the only reason for considering divorce to not be an option. If you are that unhappy and you don't have to worry about kids then get the heck out.
2007-06-20 09:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by Alan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way. Maybe you should seek personal counseling (just for you). Although you don't want to get a divorce, that just might be the best thing for you both.
2007-06-20 09:36:41 · answer #7 · answered by Meg...Out of Hybernation 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop focusing on the marriage and what makes you unhappy and find some new interests/hobbies to focus on. Join some social groups. Get out and do something without your spouse - find people you are compatible with.
Why stay if you are unhappy though?
2007-06-22 07:20:07 · answer #8 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize that how you feel is your business and how he feels is his business.
If he's upset don't empathize with him because that will bring you down. He can only effect how you feel if you let him.
Your feelings are your own so do what you enjoy doing. Try a new hobby. If your time with stuff you want to do. Realize that your happiness is yours to accept.
2007-06-20 10:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree....divorce is ALWAYS an option.....you cannot be "decently happy" in an unhappy marriage; if it isn't meant to be, it just won't be....I wish you luck hon...but ya gotta quit lying to yourself...cuz if YOU ain't happy, then noone else will be either
2007-06-20 09:39:49 · answer #10 · answered by red_heded_rebel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just treat him like you want to be treated and hopefully he will follow your lead and all will work out fine, maybe even a little bit of happily ever after. Best Wishes.
2007-06-20 09:35:49 · answer #11 · answered by juggalizzle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋