My husband and I just had a baby a month ago. I returned to work Monday. My baby was placed in what seems to be a very nice day care center but we dont' think we can afford it. My husband has a cousin that let's his 4 yr old dtr stay with a lady that is much cheaper. I visited her today for the first time. Her house was filled with the scent of smoke. My husband is angry because he feels that I am over reacting by not wanting my baby to stay there because he nor his cousin thinks it's bad. Am I wrong? THIS MAY CAUSE ME MY MARRIAGE IF I'M NOT. My husband say's he will not pay close to $500 a month for daycare.But I will do anything for the safety of my child and his health. Even if it means doing it by myself.
2007-06-20 08:21:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Is the smoke issue really worth ending my marriage?
2007-06-20 08:23:28 · update #1
no its not. But you sound like there are just these two choices. I am sure there are other private sitters in your area as well as there are cheaper day cares. Why not compromise. Tell him you understand the need to reduce the day care cost but that you do not feel comfortable with this particular situation. Ask him for just a little more time and then shop around to see who else is out there. Ask family and friends at work, church, the gym chances are everyone knows a day care worker or sitter. Get some numbers make some calls and find out who's charging what. If you find out that other day cares are more expensive you can take that to your husband to show that you have a really good place right now. If you come across a private sitter that is cheaper than your day care go check them out in an interview.
There are good ones out there you don't have to settle for this kind of situation for your baby. And if your husband is the father he should be he will want the best for his child as well. Second hand smoke can be VERY bad for your baby. This can cause asthma, sever allergies, and yes even lung cancer! Do some shopping!! Good luck!
2007-06-20 08:44:01 · answer #1 · answered by Nickie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some literature from your doctor's office about the dangers of second hand smoke. Tell your husband that it is not that you think his cousin is a bad person, but you really will be endangering your baby by letting him be around second hand smoke. My pediatrician even told me that people who have been smoking should not hold the baby when it is really little - the carcinogens (and smell) gets caught in their clothes, and since the baby's face is right up against their clothes, they inhale the carcinogens.
If you cannot afford the daycare center your baby is at now, look around for someone who does babysitting in their home but DOES NOT smoke.
If, when faced with medical proof about the safety of his baby, your husband is still not willing to go along with your decision, he is telling you something important. He is telling you that his personal preferences are more important than his child's health... and that is not the kind of thing you want to live with. For that, it is worth getting out of the marriage.
2007-06-20 08:30:29 · answer #2 · answered by baby_savvy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've GOT to find another solution. I don't want to say end your marriage over it, of course, but in NO WAY should you leave your child with a smoker for ANY reason.
Even secondhand smoke, and not even smoke that's directly around your baby, just smoke being in the home, can affect your child's lung development into adolecence. There are just so many reasons why you should not leave your child there!!! It sounds as though you might not have much money... can you look into state assistance with daycare?
Your husband sounds like he's being very selfish by letting his money mean more than his child's health... you need to stand up for your child, since he won't. I'm so proud of you for being willing to do what it takes for your child.
**You know, you are working, too, so it's not just "your husband paying close to $500 a month for daycare..." you are contributing towards the family finances as well. But even if you weren't working, you get a say in where the finances go, and the care of your child is one expense that you can't skimp on. You don't get to not buy diapers because they cost too much, you don't get to not be responsible for taking your child to the doctor because it costs too much, you don't get to not put your child in a carseat because it costs too much... that's ridiculus. I think that the answers that say this can't be the only issue between you two have a point. But even if it is the only issue, the wellbeing of your child needs to be your focus, (really it should be his as well, but you can't make him) if he is wanting you to do something that would endanger your child, then he is in the wrong. It would not make it okay to do something dangerous for your child just to save your marriage. Good luck, hon~
2007-06-20 08:31:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I agree with you 100 percent, I would not leave my child with a babysitter for 8-10 hours a day who smokes,... Smoking is horrible for anyone but especially for a new babies lungs!!!! I would maybe try the paper or sometimes people that babysit will put ads in the grocery etc.....
You might even be able to contact someone you know who babysits that may not have room for a reference for someone else!!!
I would maybe ask the sitter if she smokes in the house with the babies and find out about that 100percent first but, smoking is not good for a baby. My question is, what is your husband thinking? Everything you read says its bad for babies, I would try to talk to others in the area there has to be plenty of other Moms that babysit and have great references that could watch that baby!
Too bad you don't live near me, I am lookin for a few chilidren to watch
Stick to your guns!!!!!
2007-06-20 08:57:32 · answer #4 · answered by nataliiee1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so right! It is ridiculously ignorant to smoke around a newborn...it is proven to cause cot death, I would not let a child go in a house that stank of smoke for a million pounds.
I totaly understand you're attitude of "even if it costs me my marriage" I was the same when my partner kept putting my newborn down to sleep on her tummy (Also a cause of cot death)
If I were you I would ask the doctor for some written evidence like leaflets explaining the dangers of smoking around babies...or find some on a website and present them to your husband.
Take it into your own hands and find daycare for your baby elsewhere.
Best of luck!
2007-06-23 06:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the care of your child should be the MOST important thing to your husband. If it is not, you are better off without him. Let me be the first to tell you that $500 is NOT a lot to pay for day care, especially a newborn.
You are NOT overreacting - a babysitter that smokes in her home around children is SELFISH.
2007-06-20 08:27:54 · answer #6 · answered by 1lmichele 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it shouldnt be this big of a deal- i am sure there are other alternatives for day care for the kid-
i dont think a smoky atmosphere is good for a kid or anyone- u have seen the reports of why second hand smoke is bad
also at the baby's young age there is no way to tell if she is allergic to cig smoke until its too late- she could have asthma attacks or somethin in relation to it---
i will not have my baby around it
my sister in law wont let anyone even hold her baby if they have been smoking
2007-06-20 08:27:09 · answer #7 · answered by JenH-RN 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't cost you your marriage and you certainly can't be expected to place your child in a smoke filled atmosphere. Children get more health problems around smokers and that is a fact. I would arm myself with research showing how bad it would be for the baby, then show it to him. He should be made to realize the dangers of leaving her there, I hope other arrangements can be made..
2007-06-20 08:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by Maria b 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow I pay 720-900/month for childcare...500 is cheap cheap cheap!
But I'd put my childs safety ahead of my husbands thoughtless act of saving some $$$$.
How cheap is it going to be when you lose days from work because your child is sick yet again with another ear infection, bronchitus, a cold, or just plain dead from SIDS?
2007-06-20 08:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not worth losing your marriage over. I think that if you make sure that the sitter never smokes around your child then you will be ok. If that's not possible, then yes you need to find another sitter. You wouldnt want your child to develop some kind of cancer later in life because of second hand smoke.
2007-06-20 08:26:05 · answer #10 · answered by sftballfanatic 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋