My husband and I have been having problems in the bedroom lately. Actually, it's been for about 2 years now. We only have sex about once a week (and we usually take the week of my period off too). So, that's like 3 times a month, and we are only 24! Also, I've complained to him that even when we have sex, I feel like he's just going through the motions. He just wants to get me to orgasm as quickly as possible and get it over with. I've been feeling like he doesn't really want to be there.
Anyway, he told me he thinks maybe he's just been watching too much porn and masturbating too much. He said he was going to stop watching porn and come to me when he felt like being sexual. Remember, he told me this, I didn't suggest ANY of this. Well, for the past 3 weeks he says he hasn't watched any porn, but to make a long story short, I know he has. I found it by accident (really I did), and now I don't know what to do.
2007-06-20 08:03:11 · 32 answers · asked by Jilliebean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not so much the porn that bothers me, as that I feel like he's not willing to try to make me feel better. He even admitted to me once that he usually turns to masturbation just because it's less time consuming and less physical exertion than actual sex. We are still young and healthy, and he's already complaining about it being tiring?! How much more worse is this going to get?
2007-06-20 08:06:04 · update #1
What a dummy...I long for the days when my wife liked sex more than I....Good luck
2007-06-20 08:13:13 · answer #1 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a little more time. Porn Desensitization is not uncommon, and when it affects a relationship it can take a month or two for it to come back. Tell him you understand and you want to help him, then prod him for the things he likes to see when he watches. He'll be a little embarassed, but most likely there are some things he likes that you aren't doing, and he's too afraid to ask because he fears your rejection. Even look at porn together -- make a habit of it. You pick a flick for one night, and then he does. After a while, the barriers will melt down a bit and you can have a more regular and much happier sex life.
2007-06-20 08:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by terry m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of porn is he watching? When does he watch it? I don't quite understand why he would want to masturbate when he has a wife more than willing to play with him. That just doesn't make sense. Is it possible he has a fetish of some sort, like watching porn, that gets him going? I don't want to say you're not attractive because I've never seen you, but maybe he's gotten to a point where only certain things turn him on. I'd let him know that unless you start getting more lovin'...and good lovin' at that, then you'll just have to kick his butt out the door. You shouldn't have to compete with his hand and I don't think you'd want to.
2007-06-20 09:24:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least your husband can admit that he may be watching too much porn. Mine doesn't see it as a problem. We don't have sex as much and he has trouble getting off. I think it's because he is watching porn so much that it has become his only way to get off. It is very frustrating. My husband says that it is just a guy thing that it has nothing to do with me. But if it's affecting our sex life and our marriage then it does have something to do with me. I can't get him to stop, he won't. I've asked him to please not do it when I am there, and he doesn't. I wish that I could change this but I can't so I just have to deal with it. It's been okay for the past month or two. I just try not to think about it so much and try not to take it personal. I
2007-06-20 08:28:58 · answer #4 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't too good. But I do feel that he deserves some credit for being honest and talking to you about it. If it doesn't bother you that he does this, with the porn, why not watch it together? This is just a suggestion, but I think a healthier approach would be some therapy... you are right, this issue is going to get bigger and bigger. If he is that into it, and doesn't take the time YOU need, this is going to get ugly. I hate to say it, but it works, go to a therapist. Sounds like your husband will be willing to talk, you guys definately need to get this out and figure something out.
2007-06-20 08:11:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn can be additive and if he is putting your love life in jeopardy he has a problem.
If I were you I would take every single one of his porn tapes, etc. and put them in the trunk of your car to see what his reaction would be to this. If he resorts to the internet you know that there is a problem or if he acts totally mad about the removal of the items from the home.
I would tell him that when he starts putting you first you will give him the option of watching a porn with you once a week and slowly start giving back tape after tape for good behavior.
I know this sounds childish but hey whatever works.
2007-06-20 08:11:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn has nothing to do with how sexual your husband is with you. Maybe you should be his porn movie. Maybe you should masturbate in front of him. Turn him on like the movies he watches and he'll use his excitement to your benefit. Try something new. Do you always wait for him to initiate or do you take the lead? You have to explore all options.
2007-06-20 08:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by ycharmin33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 24, I hadn't met my husband yet and with 3 children now, I can say that I'm not in the bed nearly enough just to sleep. I am sure that it is frustrating to you that he is finding sexual gratification elsewhere and there will probably come a time when you are fed up with it and will either get into couples couseling to save your marriage or end it and find someone who appreciates being with you in every way.
2007-06-20 08:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem here is not that you want sex so much, it's that he has so little desire to help you or to work to come to a reasonable agreement. My g/f only has sex with me once a week also, and I wish for more too. But, I know that we have an amazing relationship and she does SO MUCH more for me than that. There has to be a balance somewhere, somehow.
2007-06-20 08:09:26 · answer #9 · answered by I hate Comcast 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talking about it with him is certainly the first step, so good work. He may just be under a lot of stress lately. You should try to talk about it more. Tell him that you are not having your needs satisfied, and he should want to fix that.
Worst case scenario is that he is no longer attracted to you physically. But even that is something that you guys could work through.
I think that the two of you might want to consider couples counseling.
2007-06-20 08:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Brian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know, some people are just addicted to porn. they can't live without it. obviously, there is something about it that turns him on. so why don't you try being a little porn star for him next time. go out and buy the biggest, nastiest vibrator you can find with all the functions on it. then, lay in bed and start using it...you'll either get him so worked up that he'll join in, or you'll enjoy the hell out of it on your own and he'll have to sit there miserable. buy one that has the rabbit ears on it...chicks love em'
2007-06-20 08:08:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋