There's a group of us that have been friends for over 20 yrs. (we're all about 34).1 guy (married 3 yrs.) has just recently found out that his wife had a really serious 5 month affair.She ended it 2 months ago & talked to the other guy up until 4 wks ago.She also said she loved the other guy up until 4 wks ago. She was ready to leave husband but decided at the last minute to try & save their marriage.They're both in counseling but not in counseling together.She got an apartment in Dec. & hasn't technically moved back in to their house.As his friends,we're trying to be supportive but don't trust her at all.He makes a ton of money.We're also trying to look out for his best interest. He has begun to say that he's not sure that he wants this.We,as hs friends, have reserved our opinion that he should end it & find someone who will really love him. What he doesn't know is that she has been unfaithful to him 3 times,in varying degrees (including this). Do you think he should end this?
2007-06-20 07:35:11 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You had me until the end where you say, "What he doesn't know is that she has been unfaithful to him 3 times, in varying degrees (including this).
You know he has been cheated on 3 times in 3 years and you haven't told him? And you claim to be his friend? It is up to him whether or not he ends the marriage. But his friends need to be honest with him.
2007-06-20 07:42:42 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is tough, especially when you (the friends) are on the outside looking in. It's easy for you to see that he should end this. However, he's the one in the marriage and needs to figure out what he really wants, which isn't always easy. Maybe suggest to him that he make a list of all the pros and cons of staying w/her and all the positive and negative things about their marriage. Was he totally blinsided by this by chance? I feel counseling is a start but they will need to go together--sooner than later. Continue to be supportive, and try not to judge (I know it's hard not too). Best wishes to your friend!
2007-06-20 12:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by IceIt71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to stop the heartbreak. This will be a life long drama for him.
I will say that all of the other friends need to stay out of this one. It's for them to work out on their own. Opinions from other people will just complicate an already difficult situation.
Let them both know that you are supporting them and let it unfold.
I would tell the woman that she should be honest about the other affairs. I will likely end her mariage, but it might be the beginning of her new "honest" life.
2007-06-20 08:02:19 · answer #3 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he deserves better. He may or may not know about her indescretions and, of course, as his friends you only want what's best for him. I know it's very difficult not to get involved. But if he's in therapy right now, he may get the tools he needs to make the right decision. Ultimately, the decision is his. But whatever he decides, be sure to be a supportive friend and give little advice and give it when it's requested. Good luck.
2007-06-20 07:44:33 · answer #4 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is just with him for the loot and she only ended things with her jump-off cuz she got caught. She's a bird and he needs to let her do her. Its really easy to get caught up and give excuses for someone and that 's what he's doing by allowing her to stay in his life after cheating 3 other times. Either yo homie is a punk or he really loved her and wanted it to be. You can't force something that doesn't fit....and she just doesn't fit!!!
2007-06-20 07:42:44 · answer #5 · answered by Chen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude, i'm all for working things out but lets be honest that relationship died a while ago. if you really are his friend you'll pray for him that he's strong enough to go through it unscathed, because she's most likely not to be faithful or even want him. it seems that she never really loved him from the start and sometimes its cheaper to keep them (goes both ways) but is it worth it in the miserable longrun? he needs to see the truth his wife is another man's girl point blank. better to see now and be hurt than deny what you all know and lose your mind when the whole scherade is no longer fun for her to display.DIVORCE HER!!!!
2007-06-20 07:52:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's only for him to decide...he's the one who has to actually live the decisions he makes.
I would leave but that's just me...no wait no I wouldn't but there would be an understanding your cheating so I will to if I want to. But then again I would be married again in the first place.
None the less, no matter what he decides its your job as his friends to be there for him...whether it be to celebrate his success or to lend him a shoulder when its failure. That's what friends do...sympathize and support...love you when you're high and when you're low.
2007-06-20 07:47:11 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here'a the one certain thing that will come out of this. When it's all said and done either you four guys are going to be completely out of the oicture or the cheating ho wife.
There can be no going back after sides have been chosen and words have been passed.
2007-06-20 07:46:06 · answer #8 · answered by bettercockster1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been faithful I'd said yes. If he has skeletons also then I don't know. It's good that you are just being supportive and reserving your opinions. Stick around, he is going to need support. Ultimately, he has to decide when he has had enough. Sounds like he is going to make that choice.
2007-06-20 07:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course you should tell him about the other 2 times and he should toss this dirty tramp to the curb.she has had 3 different affairs in 3 years? it sounds like the only part of their marriage that she might miss is the money he makes.Tell him about her other 2 affairs,give him evidence and get him out of this game she is playing on him before the marriage is too far in and he ends up losing half his assets to her.
2007-06-20 08:19:35 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. Bling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋