Boy breaks up with girl.
Says he isn't falling in love with her. (Boy had been badly hurt by cheating ex-wife and the divorce is less than a year old).
Boy calls ex-gf a few days a week and talks for HOURS.
He calls or emails her about silly things...that really don't need discussing for any immediate reason.
He is going to a concert with her.
They hang out with other couples.
They go to church and are in a Bible study together, and are starting a band together.
Boy calls/emails girl to make sure that she is coming to his shows (that girl isn't in).
When there are things going on, they almost always come together. Sit together. Ride the double rather than the single tubes at the water park together.
But, he doesn't want to be with her? Can you see why girl is confused?
Does boy just WANT to want to be with her? Or maybe he is struggling with issues from the divorce, and just needs a break?
Actions or words? Which is a better indicator?
2007-06-20 07:15:35 · 11 answers · asked by loves2sing 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Patience by Take That is an awesome song. Thanks for the suggestion, drivingmedaft!
2007-06-20 07:25:57 · update #1
I feel ya, been the girl, done that, still hanging on. Eventually you have to learn to love yourself enough to speak up and say what YOU want and what you DON'T want. If he can't deal, then move on and learn from the relationship. It's not about the lack of "feelings", if it were, we would never break up. It's about being in the same "place" in life at the same time and wanting the same things. He just wants to chill and not have any stress or deal with heavy emotions. But in the meantime, you want clarity and you want to "define" what is going on. If he is being intimate or affectionate with you and you are having a good time together, do you HAVE to have a commitment? Maybe he will come around if you hang out long enough? I wish we all had a crystal ball - relationships suck! Sorry :(
2007-06-20 07:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Topless 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Words. He BROKE UP with you and told you "I AM NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU"
That was a statement of fact - not a lie
It's great that he still wants to be friends.
You sound like a lot of fun - he should miss you. But he doesn't love you. Why are you willing to settle for less? You deserve to be loved! You deserve to have someone as head over heels crazy about you - as you are for this guy who doesn't know what he wants.
Why would you waste your time? If friendship is all he wants - which is what he told you - why are you pineing away waiting for him to come around?
Please don't give us the "Horrible Ex" excuse. EVERYONE has a horrible ex and we all manage to find other people.
Also, if he was that traumatized by the ex he wouldn't have started dating you. He chose to break up. He told you why. Believe him!
I don't want to hurt your feelings - I don't want you to waste time questioning this guy and trying to figure out what you need to change to make him love you.
FORGET HIM. You are perfect just the way you are - some guy out there is dreaming of a girl like you! You wont see him if you are crying your eyes out over this guy who doesn't want you.
You deserve better!
2007-06-20 07:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is girl allowing this to happen?
Boy says basically "you're my back up plan and I hang with you because I have nothing better to do but I'm not in love with you"
Girl says - ok let's hang out all the time and I know you don't love me.
Why does boy need to do ANYTHING? He's got a sweet deal.
Girl needs to talk to boy and say "hey boy, I know what you SAID before, but we really seem to be behaving like a couple. I really don't want to be used so I need you to level with me"
And take it from there.
2007-06-20 07:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, Girl should know, and expect this drama from him. He just got a divorce, girl should not pressure him into a relationship. He needs to take things slow, and I thnk that's what he's doing. If the girl can't handle being a friend to him, then stop the contacts with him. All he needs is a friend right now. Not a love relationship.
2007-06-20 07:22:23 · answer #4 · answered by 0000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words -- but whether you hear what he's saying with his actions is another story. He enjoys being with you. But he's commitment-phobic.
Either you can live with that for a while or not. I sure wouldn't put all my eggs in his basket, that's for sure. Make sure you are seeing other men, too, and aren't hanging with him exclusively. His reaction to you seeing other men would be a good indicator to both him and you. I'm not saying go out and try to make him jealous. I'm just saying that if he doesn't want commitment and exclusivity, then you should honor his decision. :-)
2007-06-20 07:24:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take common jobs for my very own words and strikes continuously. yet i'm additionally very rapid to split blame -- as in, to no longer be lumped into the blame or consequence for somebody else's strikes or words.
2016-10-18 04:00:39 · answer #6 · answered by ramswaroop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI
He hurting and needs you to take time...by giving that time you'll have him completely to yourself
If got itunes listen to take that patience it sums it up really well
2007-06-20 07:20:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words...
2007-06-20 07:24:00 · answer #8 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions. I could say I love you, but to me they are just words.
2007-06-20 07:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man should do both.
2007-06-20 07:19:49 · answer #10 · answered by A L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋