I've never been really affectionate with anyone but its gotten worse since I had my baby last month. My husband says I give him mixed signals and when he wants to hold hands when he's driving it freaks me out and I get mad. I just don't feel comfortable with kissing or anything else. What can I do? is there a book or something I can do to be more affectionate? Its really ticking him off.
2007-06-20 06:49:12 · 9 answers · asked by KelBean 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is a book called Go Away, Come Closer: When What You Need the Most Is What You Fear the Most, a Book About Intimacy by Terry Hershey.
Read it.
2007-06-20 07:02:47 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby is a major thing for you emotionally and physically. Your body probably just hasn't healed completely yet and your emotions are all caught up in the mommy thing. Give yourself some time and let Mr Daddy know that it takes time to get over this type of thing. A month isn't long enough. Take things slow, cuddling and snuggling are fun too. Guys tend to think that having a kid isn't a big deal and us gals should be able to just squat down and have it and go back to picking rice in the rice paddy or something. there is an old joke that goes if men and women had to take turns having babies and the woman was the first one then all families would only have a maxium three children. Putting all this pressure on you isn't helping and if he thinks that making veiled threats that he may go somewhere else will help I feel sorry for him. He really needs to grow up. It's adult time now and he needs to step up and be a man and a daddy. Good Luck to you.
2007-06-20 14:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Practice, practice,practice. It may be really hard at first but try thinking about how much he wants to be close to you. Think of how warm his hand is. Could it be you were not cuddled or comforted much as a child? Maybe you didn't see much affection in your household as a child? Everyone has a different comfort level. Give it time and tell him how you feel. Did you cuddle and hand hold when you first met? If so try to remember how you felt then. Keep trying to be affectionate and try to think about how it feels to be that close to your husband. Your husband needs affection. You need to try for him. Keep working on it. I'm sure he will be excited that you are trying for him. Good Luck
2007-06-20 14:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunping his leg is out of the question...oh wait, unless its his third leg.
Sorry couldn't resist.
Try snuggling with him on the couch?
Take the baby for a stroll and walk hand in hand?
Sometimes when you're running around the house trying to clean, watch the kid, pay bills, cook-JUST STOP! walk over and give him a hug, look into his eyes and say "I Love you" then a little peck on the lips. then go back to what you were doing. This works with the kids as well. Its feeding your soul as well as his. And if he never does this to you...he should.
Take time together or as a family.
2007-06-20 13:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh C'mon. If your not going to be affectionate with your husband, then he's going to have to find it somewhere else! Any man loves to be affectionate with the woman they love. Do you love him? If you do, you should automatically want to be affectionate with him. If not, your headed for trouble.
You have to show him that you love him and how much you love him. That makes any man happy. You were suppose to have been married, because you love him and naturally you would do anything to make him happy. He should have married for the same reasons. Now enjoying each other with your new baby you created.
Kiss him, hug him, tell him what you want to do to him in bed later, tell him you love him and make him feel special. You will be very happy you did, so will your child.
2007-06-20 14:02:18 · answer #5 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes that does happen it has happened to several women I know & my wife. I can hurt the marriage, as you are finding out. I would look for a book & talk to your hubby. I may pass but it may last a very long time. It could even be medical, I would research it online & look for some good books.
Good Luck
2007-06-20 14:03:52 · answer #6 · answered by BTP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a product of your upbringing....you have identified something which makes you uncomfortable but is very normal to the majority of the population. You will have to go outside of your comfort zone and grow and learn. Dr. Phil has a book out called love smart. I think it will help you find what you are looking for. goodluck=)
2007-06-20 14:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by ramon s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the bookstore and look in the self help section but it sounds like you may be slightly post pardum and could benefit from professional help. Stress from a new baby intensifies feelings and behaviors.
2007-06-20 13:55:56 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Practice, practice, practice.
It is human nature to be physically demonstrative. Set aside a regular smooch break after dinner. Start small, say 10 minutes, and work your way up. Masturbate. Learn what you like so you can teach him.
See a therapist. It sounds like you might have had a rough early life. Come to terms with it.
2007-06-20 14:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by fulminouscherub 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋