My wife and I separated around last August. She treated me badly, and I moved out.
Now, she realized what she's done. She's made some changes in her character and wants to make me happy.
We've been hanging out one or two days a week; and agreed to move back in together.
But I'm scared to let my guard down, repeat the same bad treatment from before, and move out again.
I feel that I'm not eager to move in with her.
Part of me got used being on my own again. And I like it.
Why do I feel this way?
I know that if I lost her forever, I'd regret it.
Do I need to just move in and re-connect with her?
2007-06-20 06:48:37 · 17 answers · asked by hershey highway road thug 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She recently explained that she feels like she's in limbo and doesn't want to wait anymore.
I know I can't keep her waiting forever.
2007-06-20 07:24:38 · update #1
No, actually she never gave me butt sex.
2007-06-20 08:03:20 · update #2
Did she seek professional help to make these so-called changes, or did she just wake up one day and realize being a divorced woman wasn't all it's cracked up to be? Get some marriage counseling before you move back in.
2007-06-20 07:03:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're still a little shaky on returning, why don't you try spending weekends there, and bring some things...partially move back in. Toothbrush, some clothes, you know. Then you will have some trial time back together for over 2 days at a time, and you can increase that as you feel comfortable....or decrease it too. You can get used to that feeling of sharing chores and that type of thing again instead of just dating...hanging out two days a week is more like dating, and that's no representation of what it is like to share a life with somebody.
"lost her forever, I'd regret it"
So give it a slow try...
2007-06-20 14:01:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went throughthte same situation. My husband and I were separated for 1 month because he was treating me badly. He tried sending me flowers after about 3 weeks and we even sat down one day and talked, but I could tell he wasn't sincere and I left instead. (there was something in his eyes and voice that wasn't clicking). He also texted saying that he knew I had moved on and that it was the last time he would bother me. (he was acting real strange) Finally one day, we did talk and he did realize that he had lost a part of me he'll never get back. To make a long story short, I gave him another chance to prove himself but I put my foot down and told him I wasn not gonna take anymore of his $#!+. If he likes it good and if he didn't then fine we would go our sepatare ways and devorce. He agreed and it has been a little hard but so far we are doing ok. He realizes he can't treat me as he wishes and get away with it. I say you talk to your wife and let her know how you feel when she treats you badly, tell her fi she would like to be treated the same way. You're her husband not some idiot she picked up off the streets. She can't be trating you that way and if she wants to get back together she'll have to make soem changes in her attitude and not only her but you aswell. You have to work on your marriage (that's if you still want to be married) Let her know you need your space to hang out by youself and do your things. Set a time where both of you communicate your fellings about issues that are bothering you and find a way to resolve them. Not by screaming at eachother but by talking and understanding what's going on.
I've tried that with my husband and it's working so far. Although I do get frustrated sometimes but at least we communicate and i let it out peacefully.
Good Luck and keep us posted!
2007-06-20 14:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by Hot Mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why hurry to move back in with her? Why can't you just continue seeing each other the way you have? Set a time limit in your mind for a reconciliation...say 3 months, and continue to see her while keeping separate residences. After the 3 months, make a decision. There's no rush. Also, some people will make temporary changes to prove a point, only to fall back into their old habits down the road. Take your time and be sure.
2007-06-20 13:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure really how to answer this, but I can see how your own space can be attracting to you after having problems in the past and things seem to be going well now. I don't know how to answer this because about a month ago my husband told me he wanted to move out cause he needed his own space and I'm sure I probably was getting under his nerves in some way or why would he want to go and all I could think was how much he was breaking my heart. Now he never moved out on me, but I can tell you from my thought on the whole thing that if my husband would have moved out and I made all these changes in myself for him and he still didn't want to move back in with me then I would start thinking his feelings are not what they use to be for me and maybe they never would be again. And if you didn't move back in I would probably consider the fact that maybe I should move on to someone who does want to totally be there for me and not stay with someone who only wants to be there for themself. I hope this helps just giving you a woman's point of view on it all.
2007-06-20 14:01:12 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are leaving some details out.Howz the sex ?If you ask me ride it out a little bit longer to get more concessions.Find a way to get her to buy into the fact that you want to start all over from the day you met her, take her out on dates and recover your youth.You know how our ladies dig that mushy stuff.Mean while start counting the days till she brings the deputies and hauls you back to the jail.Enjoy your freedom while it lasts.Ohhh freedom,what a fleeting thing.Ultimately go back home it will be better than the first time.
2007-06-20 14:13:53 · answer #6 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got a question for you were you seeing other people while you were separated ? if so you got a taste of the single life again and you don't wanna go back to the ole ball and chain I would not move in right away tell her you need to hang out with her a little more and if she really loves you she'll let you move in on you terms not hers
2007-06-20 14:00:35 · answer #7 · answered by wrongedincali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your feelings are normal. When trust is lost, it is hard to rebuild. With that will always come so form of apprehension. Also, you have new found freedom. I would suggest that if you want to get back with her, that you two continue dating while you are separated and see if you can build a new relationship with each other. If you can re-connect great, if not, then at least you can say you tried.
2007-06-20 13:59:38 · answer #8 · answered by itsjustme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't try will you regret it? Maybe she has changed, but still keep your guard up somewhat so that when you see what was going on before starting again you can tell her this isn't working. Plus, people can change if they want to bad enough, so she might have wanted too.
2007-06-20 14:11:48 · answer #9 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be fully ready before you move back in. If you're having doubts about it, don't do it yet. Go to a marriage counselor and talk about your fears. It's great that she wants to change but you need to make sure it's for real before recommitting.
What you're feeling is totally normal.
2007-06-20 14:04:49 · answer #10 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋