how many people who have been married feel as if.........?

Question

emotionally and mentally there is nothing left and it's as if you're roommates, but legally you are still married.

just trying to see how common it is

Answer 1

No i never get emotional as for the mental side i have put her in a straightjacket and let the local kids throw tomatoes at her so reallly our marriage is still fun....for me .....

Answer 2

We actually went through that at about 6-7 years into our marriage (we're now at 14). He had deployed a lot and was unable to communicate at all (on subs), and I had spent a LOT of time totally alone... It was so bad I was worried what would happen when he got home. I didn't want a divorce (I still loved him and we had a 2 y/o son), but didn't want to feel like we were just roomies or friends either. It was a really hard struggle back to being husband and wife again, but we made it and are stronger because of it.
I miss him now (he's in Iraq), but it's an emptiness I can handle pretty well--seems to be an unconscious self-defense mechanism. I really look forward to his phone calls and emails, and I am ready for him to come home, but this deployment I've been so busy with work and our kids that I simply don't have time to mope.
If you are feeling like this, please give it time to improve--work together on it. Seek counselling. If you still can't feel that old spark, at least you'll know you both tried!

Answer 3

I imagine that it's very common. My aunt and uncle were this way for a very long time - they were married over 30 years. Being recently married myself, the fact that so many people feel this way about their spouse is very sad - and at the same time it makes me even more determined to not end up that way with my husband.

I think a lot of the problem is that people fall in love with a sweet and wonderful person who buys them flowers and takes them out on dates and writes them sappy love notes and calls them at midnight just to say "I love you", and then when they get married the notes stop, the flowers never come...and since that was the basis of the relationship, the emotion that came along with all that fades as well.

I still write my husband sappy love notes. Moreso now than I did when we were dating, in fact. To keep a marriage alive takes work, but it's worth it, definitely.

Answer 4

I don't feel like that but I do think that sometimes things do get old and you have to find ways to spice it up. Also if you've been married for awhile you sometimes forget why you got married in the first place. I think making a list of all the reasons that you married this man and all the reasons you love him might help you to get back to that moment when you first fell in love with him. Think about where you first met, your first kiss, all those special moments that when things are bad, we sometimes forget. Try and do new things together, don't give up so easy. Marriage is a life long commitment and it's not always going to be easy. It's work, but anything worth having is worth working for.

Answer 5

I have and feel it's because of the hustle bustle world of today with all the wireless everythings we have no solid connections to one another. Think about it...we don't drop a dime to call home or call him/her we just open our Motorola 5000 K speaker phone and say "call Julie" or "call home". Or we hit a few keys and text "I love you be home soon">me. If we really want to get techno we can even look online at where our "loved" one is by the GPS sender on his/her phone then question them later as to where they were today.
So why would we feel "connected" to that person it's such an effortless thing now adays and who wants to put any effort into our relationships it doesn't pay like my job. Or my favorite "it cost me more to be married than single". My friend actually has come to a point in his marriage that the program to voice call his wife is "demon" and their house is the "demons lair"..what a funny thing to see him speak into his Motorola 5000K flip phone and say "demon" and to hear her say "hello". So no wonder we feel there's nothing left we put no effort into staying connected.
Go away for the weekend or for a week with your spouse but go to a place where it's just you and your spouse and you have to rely on each other for survival like camping or if you really want to connect go mountain climbing (they have trek's for beginner's to master's). Leave all the techno crap in the car except for a non-texting emergency phone tucked away deep into your pack, you hold the phone your spouse the batteries. I did exactly this 4 years ago and was amazed at the outcome.

Good luck hope it helps and works for you

Answer 6

I have been there. It's not healthy at all. I was the one who had to break it off and though it was hard, it was necessary. We were together for 7 years and for 5 of them I was completely miserable. There were signs that I should have ended it a lot sooner but I was blind to seeing them. If you have done everything you could to try and make it work and it just isn't happening, you might want to consider other options. You are not a bad person for breaking it off and you shouldn't feel like a failure but if you are not happy and you feel like roommates, maybe you need to step away. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

I am 39 and have been married for 20 years. As you grow up your marriage should mature and grow with you. Of course if you have nothing in common that is a difficult task and most likely not very fulfilling.

I have a great marriage and look forward to the next 20 years of my sentence.

Answer 8

Lets just say that if you and your roommate hated each other most of the time that would've been my marriage. It isn't a good sign when you come home from your honeymoon and tell your sister "I've made the biggest mistake of my life." That should've been my clue that I had made a big mistake, but it drug on for 10 years anyway...
I never did get the t-shirt even though I'd been there done that!

Answer 9

Well, I myself am going thru a divorce now because of it....I have been separated now for 3 months and have my own apartment, but I just felt "left out" of the relationship and have in turn I have not been open to be more "expressive with my husband. We have $ex, but it's not intimate or we just don't "make love". It's become more of a chore than an expression of our love.

Answer 10

been there but we stuck it out been together 9 years married 5 what we did is make qt for each other doing things that we both enjoy learn to laugh together again learn that in complete silence and being comfortable is a relationship already on a different level than most i pray that u dont give up to soon