Do women really loose their sex drive or do men just forget how to take time to be intimate ?

Question

seems like when your married for awhile the man forgets how to forplay and stuff they just want to get right to the point and that is the biggest turn off to me cause then I just feel like they're using my body for their own sexual relief . Am I alone here on this one ?

Answer 1

I think it's probably a combination of both for most marriages. Being a full-time wife, mother and worker is draining. And men don't always focus on the bells and whistles ahead of time if they maybe have an hour before your youngest child wakes up and starts screaming or if you both only have six hours before work. Why not try taking a vacation with your husband and try to find that spark again?

Answer 2

Men forget to be intimate.
My fiance and I had a great sex life before moving in together, we've been moved in for only 4 months and we hardly have sex. Maybe once a week or twice. I honestly love sex haha and I confronted him about it and he realized "wow we don't have much sex" and admitted that with work and finally coming home to a nice home, all he thinks about doing when he gets home is relaxing, sex is the last thing on his mind. Even though it sucks approaching him first, I usually do it or I wear something revealing which makes him approach me. It honestly has nothing personal to do with you so don't ever take it that way. Men wanting to get straight to the point isn't a bad thing either, that's how my fiance is, it means he wants you so bad that he got to have you right then. Take it as a compliment :)
I used to feel just like you but then you have to look at all sides of it and it will change anything that you worry about.

Answer 3

Probably a combination of both. Few women might admit to it, but they too get bored with the same partner over and over and over again. The trick is for the two of you to find ways to keep it fresh (maybe not the best choice of words) !

Men might rush things, but as marriage moves forward, couples often have other responsibilities / priorities such as careers, family commitments, kids, clubs / organizations, extended family, etc.... all vieing for their time and attention.

Men tend to want to rush it because they thing they have to fit in into the daily schedule. Women (over time) sometimes begin to view sex w/ their spouse as another "chore" on the to-do list. Not very romantic. This can lead to an unwilling partner. Which in turn makes the man feel like she's just not into it, so why bother "I'll get mine and I need not worry about her b/c she's not really into anyways."

Add to this the fact that MOST women complain that they would be more into sex if their husbands would just "Help out more..... Romance me more...... help w/ the kids more...... do the laundry more often..... etc......" At some point MOST (not all) women get programmed that they can only relax and be receptive to sex if everything in the house is done, perfect, put away, groceries are bought, etc.....

The man's attitude becomes an "I can't win" attitude. Again when he does get some action, most are so amazed that she actually didn't shoot him down with the "I'm too tired" excuse, that the man rushes the act before she changes her mind.

Its up to BOTH the man and the woman to make sex a priority in their relationship. Both spouses are also often guilty of placing this aspect of their relationship on the back burner because, afterall, to make it a priority is viewed as being selfish. Why would yo put the kids to bed early, or drop them off with a sitter, just to have sex? That makes you a bad parent, doesn't it? No, it doesn't - but I bet if you asked most people w/ kids, they would feel some guilt in doing this. Especially the mother. Then she can't relax and enjoy the act.

So - its a two way street. Both people need to realize the improtance of this aspect of their relationship and how NOT attending to each other's needs often leads to serious issues elsewhere in the relationship.

Answer 4

Probably more the latter than the former, but even with the most attentive and patient of lovers day-to-day pressures overwhelm couples from time to time. That's why it's important to have a more substantial basis for your connection to your partner than just a sexual one. Decreases in individual drives are possible in either gender, and barring medical factors for its cause, they're likely temporary. (For instance everyone suffers a temporary lag when there's a new baby in the house...you're more concerned with getting whatever sleep you can when the opportunity presents itself. Everything else comes in a distant second). But with understanding and patience,this phase passes too, and the couple returns to "normal" (whatever that may be). In life drives, energy, and moods naturally ebb and flow...that's what it means to be human. But love should endure through all of it; it's what makes the physical intimacy possible.

Answer 5

No and yes... Though women and men DO go through different cycles of desire levels. (And no, you're not alone!)

Marriage can cause things to get a little... boring... But like someone else suggested, spice it up a little. Surprise him! Maybe you'll inspire him to greater performances and more attention. If he doesn't catch the hint, particulalrly if he complains that "you're never interested" try explaining to him that you just need a little more time and attention to get going... And that you'll BOTH have more fun if you're really "ready to go." (You may need to be descriptive in what you'd like him to do.)
That said, my hubby's in Iraq right now and I'm thankful to be in one of those "down" cycles where I couldn't care a whit about sex. It would be really difficult to be lonely AND unsatisfied. As it is I'm just keeping very busy with my work and our 3 kids!

Answer 6

Isn't that the truth! Men do seem to forget about forplay after a while. That's why we have to remind them. You know they don't need anything but a spot to place it....lol

Answer 7

For you it's clearly an emotional/relationship issue that you have to work out with your husband, as opposed to a diminished sex drive issue. No, not all women experience those feelings, and not all men "just want to get right to the point". In fact, a lot of couples (here's a shocker) COMMUNICATE what they want regarding intimacy to each other.

Sounds like an issue for couple's councelling.

Answer 8

No, but you are mis-interpreting it. Guys don't forget how to do that stuff, it's just that a wife's sexual decline (and frequent rejections) damage a man's self esteem as much as him constantly telling her she's fat would damgage hers. So why bother when you're just going to get shot down . . . again?

Men rate their self-worth based on their jobs and their sex life. If you want to engage his romantic side, and get the foreplay and such you want, you need to do two things:

Initiate sex (not "lovemaking", but some kind of sex) yourself at least once a week.

And be engaging about sex, not defensive and hostile. We are far more likely to be in tune with our partner's emotional needs when our physical needs are being met.

Answer 9

No you're not, but that doesn't make it all his fault either.

Change the routine yourself if you are looking to add some spice. When is the last ime you reached out and stroked him or were laying in bed with him and YOU just headed south? We can only expect to get back what we are willing to put into the event.

I say shock the heck out of him and jump HIS bones tonight! lol
hugs

Answer 10

Not alone at all. Thats exactly what happens a lot. I know its not that I lost my drive bc I still think about it ( just with other men)lol. I dont know why they get that way ( neglectful) , and personally have tried to have conversations with him about it with no improvements. ohwell ugh.