I have a boyfriend and his mother bothers me b/c she always telling him what to do. I've been with my bf for 4 years and his mother lives 2 hours away from us and is always wanting us to go visit her all the time. She always tells him what to do for example to buy a two family house so she can live in the other. What bothers me most is she lives 2 hours up north from us and she wants us to drive up there to pick her up and drive to Jersey. We live in the city and it sucks going up there and driving back it takes too much time and it cost money. We both work and we never get weekends off b/c we are always up there. I feel bad that she lives alone but we never get a chance to hang out alone ever. She always asking for him to take her places and that means picking her up and dropping her back off. It sucks b/c we only have fri-sun off to relax.
2007-06-20 05:55:38 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell him that spending every weekend with her is too much for you, and you would be much happier if it was only every OTHER weekend, so that you two can spend some time together.
2007-06-20 06:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by Marie Jane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face it. You are in love with a mama's boy. I am one myself, although I have my affliction under control. What I recommend is that you DON'T tell your boyfriend that his mother bothers you. Don't make it a you versus the mother thing at all. Instead, argue against the arguments. If the mother tells him to do something that does not make sense or is harmful to your relationship, tell him THAT. Buying a two family house so she can live with you is a bad idea. Going to visit her all the time takes away from your personal together time. If he is not willing to take your side once in awhile, then I'm afraid you're with the wrong man. The problem is NOT the mother. She can't make him do anything. The problem is the SON.
2007-06-20 06:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he feel the same as you? if not this could be trouble. If he does and is afraid to tell her no, it says she'll eventually be ruling you roost (home). I am guessing he's an only child? You are going to have to talk to him as kindly yet firmly as possible and tell him her constant presence on your weekends is making you resent her because she is keeping the two of you from having any time of your own. A relationship needs to have a chance to bond between the two people in it. A time where the two of you can for at least a while forget the rest of the world even exists. If something isn't fixed the resentment you are beginning to feel toward her will transfer to him as well and then the chances of recovery will be slim.
2007-06-20 06:02:56 · answer #3 · answered by ersof59 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if u guys have been together for 4 years I'm sure u guys understand each others needs and are open to each other and i don't think he would mind that much if u just told him what u wrote on her that u want to spend time with him etc.. and that even tho his mom lives alone that doesn't mean he should completely forget about u and should try to make time for just you and him. just tell him in a relaxed tone and make sure its at a time when hes relaxed as well since u are going to talk about him mom...
2007-06-20 06:03:56 · answer #4 · answered by mrzooyork 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to tell him. If you guys weren't serious, I'd say keep it to yourself, but this is a long term relationship. It's affecting you, and he needs to know. Maybe you could look into helping her move CLOSER, but make sure you let him know that you're not comfortable with spending all your free time listening to her boss him around, even if she is lonely. You need your own time for unwinding, and the stress here isn't necessary. Maybe make some suggestions--like only going up every other week, or having the mother help with the cost. Maybe he's looking for a reason to say no himself. Anyhow, communication is good for every relationship.
2007-06-20 06:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by the_ivy_vine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well 4 years is enough time into the relationship to be able to tell your boyfriend that he needs to set boundaries with his mother. It is putting a strain on your relationship and your time together. His mother is a big girl and she can handle a few boundaries, and your boyfriend is a big boy too and he can handle saying no to his mother for the sake of his relationship. Good luck.
2007-06-20 06:00:19 · answer #6 · answered by Robyn H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen. Find a new boyfriend! This problem will drag on, and on, and on, and on, for decades maybe! Make things right for yourself, or you'll be sorry that you didn't. You CANNOT fix this problem, and you should just accept this and move on. There are other men out there. Have some spine and just get out of this situation! Once you are out, then you will take a deep breath and you will feel stronger.
2007-06-20 06:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe talk to him and ask if you can make the trip once a month so that you two can do some of the things together like you used to. If he isn't willing to compromise on this point it will only get worse and you will always be the 2nd class citizen in your home and relationship.
2007-06-20 06:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by carpathian mage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u cannot stand this situation, in future when u get marry, the problem will even more bigger....use your brain and make her know that what is best of you!!!! same way as pleasing your boyfriend!!!
usually accept the fact, mother will get jealous especially when her son spend too much attention on other female in stead of her!!!
2007-06-20 06:01:20 · answer #9 · answered by harijanti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him, what do you think he's going to do? Get a new mother? It sounds like you're on the verge of making this a "me vs. her" game, and he's only got one mother, so you can never win.
If you want to address the situation with him, do it delicately and do not make any personal attacks on his mother. Just explain the situation logically, much like you did in your question.
2007-06-20 06:00:10 · answer #10 · answered by Scott 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋