My husband has known this boy since he was 10. This 10 year old has now moved into our house and goes to work with my husband everyday. The other day when they got home 2 hours later than ususal, they wre acting strange, like if they were hiding something from me. The proceeded to drink beer and play Playstation and my husband ignored me and acted as if i was a bother. They always hang out together and my husband will even ignore his own children and choose to spend time with this 19 year old over them. Since they have been hanging out, my husband has been making nasty comments to me and being rude and just plain mean. Everytime he does this, his friend laughs and that seems to feed my husband and he continues to do it more. When ever this kid is around my husband is mean. It doesnt matter if its on the phone with me in person.. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON?? IS THIS A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP?????? IS THIS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP???????
2007-06-20 05:40:24 · 44 answers · asked by krisaylalynnays 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i don't really know if that is normal but i also don't think there is something wrong with been friended to a child, it also depends on the kind of person the old person is and how he acts but , i also think you should try talking to your husband and explain things to him because what he is doing is totally wrong , no matter what friendship he must not give up on his family or to be rude to them . try talking to your husband if he does that again and make sure when talking to him be smooth so that he may understand your feelings and understand what you are talking about and also he should be careful of what he does around the 19 years old boy , he should also try spending more time with his family and importantly his kids to get to know them better .good luck and i wish you all the best, bye
2007-06-20 05:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Noelsco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is a healthy relationship. Your husband should ALWAYS put you and the children in front of his "friend". What I'm curious about is, why was a 30 year old hanging out with a 9 year old?
I would tell my husband to either start treating you with respect or leave with his friend. And I would tell the friend that he MUST treat you with respect (although that will be hard since your husband doesn't).
Your husband isn't acting his age. He needs to grow up but he won't until he gets some counseling or an ultimatum. He needs something to help him.
Take care of yourself and whatever you do, make sure he doesn't treat you this way in front of your children.
One more thing. Isn't it illegal for a 19 y.o. to be drinking? It is in most states. Your husband could be prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
You have your hands full. Take care of your kids and yourself first. Your husband is acting like a turd.
2007-06-20 05:48:01 · answer #2 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not normal to have a 19 year old best friend. Spending time with the "friend" rather then his own children or your is not ok. It's not right. Guys do need guy time, but with men their own age....not boys. Maybe he is having a mid-life crisis? Seems a little young though to have one of those, but you never know. The 19 year old is using him for sure for his "free-ride" of fun....he can't even legally drink and if it is going on in your home then it is now on you as well as on your husband if you let underage kids consume alcohol there. Also you need to be thinking about your children here. It isn't ok for their father to be acting like this around them.
Having a beer after work with a co-worker is ok for your husband to do, but with someone that is 21 or older.
You need to have a serious talk with your husband and set some ground rules, if for not for yourself, for your kids.
As for all the other comments about your husband being GAY, I am not sure that is something that you should jump to. Are your sexual experiences with your husband normal? That is something you need to look into before even thinking that your husband could be a pedifile or something like that.
2007-06-20 05:52:30 · answer #3 · answered by lynswil_25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you know that's not a healthy relationship...esp. if it has the pattern it does. However, if you're looking for validation, you got it! I think that it's not necessarily a bad thing for a 40 yr old to hang out with someone half his age. It IS bad if he's starting to ACT like someone half his age. Esp. at the expense of his wife and kids. You should consider talking to your husband and putting this kid out. He's not 19 anymore. He's got a family, responsibilities, and he should be the one rubbing of on the kid, not the other way around. Doesn't he feel the least bit ridiculous? I can't imagine it does much for his manhood to be like a 19 year old. He should be more concerned with being his kids' hero and not the hero of some dumb teenager who clearly has no class. Maybe your husband is going through a "midlife crisis" a few years early or something.
2007-06-20 05:48:14 · answer #4 · answered by the_ivy_vine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess would be that your husband is going through is mid-life crisis. I don't know if it's healthy, but doesn't sound like it. I wish I could better advice.
Other than hitting up side the head really hard and saying " Look you are 40 yrs old, you have a wife and kids that love you. And if you don't grow and start being the man I married. And appreciate the thing that you do have they will be gone. And for your sake I hope that 19yr old can cook, and is better in bed than me because if this keeps up I will not be here for you anymore. I will Leave. I will not watch you self destruct. And I will not let take our kids down with you!!!!!!!"
Maybe then he will listen?
2007-06-20 05:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by winterpixie_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is not necessarily ABnormal in itself, but the way the relationship is unfolding suggests that there is a problem. For one thing, that boy is underage to be drinking beer. If you are in the United States, your husband is breaking the law. (If not, then nevermind!)
In any case, the 19-year-old is irrelevant. Anything that results in a man ignoring his own children, acting mean to everyone, or making nasty comments is unhealthy. You need to discuss this behavior with him and let him know how it makes you feel and tell him that it has to stop. If that doesn't work, then you should suggest marriage counseling. If he won't go, then go yourself. If THAT doesn't work, I'd be calling my attorney if I were you. Put your foot down on this before it gets worse! You and your children do not deserve to be treated this way. Good luck!
2007-06-20 05:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah that is kind of strange!! There maybe an affair between the two of them I don't know maybe there might be something going on they might have a relationship and even if they don't why would a 40 year old man hang out with a 19 year old? Now that really doesn't make any since at all!!!! He shouldn't be living in your house either!!!!
2007-06-20 05:45:25 · answer #7 · answered by Pebbles B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!! Sorry, but your husband is gay and they are having an affair. Think about it, women have gotten busted for this same thing except it was a heterosexual/older woman/younger guy thing. Man, why would your husband be hanging out with a nineteen year old and he is 40, that means he was messing around with him when the guy was a minor and he is old enough to be his damn DAD!!! How do they even know one another?? Wow, this is NOT a normal relationship and you need to come right out and ask him if he is being poked and doing some poking in the booty. Sorry honey, RUN ....RUNNNN!!! Before you suffer the consequences of not facing reality.
2007-06-20 05:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is trying to be 19 again. Maybe his friend makes him think of the good ol' days when he was his age. As far as the strange acting between the two of them, don't know what that's about. I won't accuse him of being gay just yet, they probably took a couple of chicks to a hotel when they were out drinking that night and he felt guilty about it. What video games do they play? If they play Madden or Fight Night they most likley aren't gay. If they're playing a Barbie game then........
It is wrong that he's treating his family like that, whatever it is.
2007-06-20 05:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not usual for 40 year old married man to have a 19 year old friend that's his best buddy . So you should ask him whats going on. I think that his friend is telling him to be mean to because he doesn't like you. I also think he is up to something. You should sit down and talk with your husband and tell him that his friend needs to move out and he needs to stop hanging around him. I hope I helped. I hope everything works out.
2007-06-20 05:56:37 · answer #10 · answered by beautiful naomi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋