mother in laws !!?

Question

Me & my mother in law is in a hudge fight. My husband and I married four years ago and have a 4 month old togeather. He has 1 child and 2 stepkids from a previous marriage that are currently living with us for the summer. She promises them things and never shows up. The other day the 7 year old got mad and yelled at her calling her a liar. She never comes and sees the baby. When I got married she said she didnt want to become a grandma again and he had enough kids. She wouldnt hold my daughter in the delivert room. So I got mad when she promised to come get them and didnt. I told her to stay away from me and my daughter. I was mad. I dont want her to do that to my daughter. She talked crap about my husband ex wife and me and his ex actually get along fairly well but his mom talks to her for hours and goes up there. She always tells me when she talks to her and she makes it sound like she wishes they would get back togeather. I dont want to keep my daughter from getting to know her.

i need to know what to do about my daughter. Do I allow her to see her grandma and get hurt? Or do I keep her away. My husbands mom is jelous that I rely on my mother more than her but its my mom. Am I wrong to practically hate her?

The 2 stepkids dont know there real dad so my husband took responsibility for them and has raised them since they were little.

Answer 1

forget her ...if she wants to be a jackass let her. and i don't understand, why does your hubby have 2 stepkids from a previous marriage, if they divorced then that would not be his stepkids anymore.

Answer 2

She will always be in your life because of your child. I know its difficult but try to be the bigger person; she's the one who's missing out on the blessings of having grandchildren - she's never going to get the time back that she wasted being a bad grandmother. With that said, try not to let her make promises to the children. If she will, have her tell YOU of any plans she makes for the children and just don't tell them. If fails to follow through, the kids will be none the wiser. If she actually shows up, it'll be a nice surprise for them. As far as talking about her ex daughter-in-law, just change the subject or tell her you really don't want to talk/listen to talk about her. The bottom line is she's hurting you but more importantly she's hurting the children. You be the bigger person and do whatever you can to help the situation. Because when its all said and done, God will judge you on how you treated people - you will not be judged on how people treated you. Blessed are the peace makers. = )

I hope God blesses the situations.

Answer 3

Take a deep breath. Your roll is to protect your daughter from all physical and mental abuse. You need to ignore what his ex does with her and her children when they are together. My mother in law knew that we were done having kids, I had one and surprise we had another one 2 1/2 yrs ago and she treats him like dirt. She told me about 6 months before we got pregnant that with my daughter being 12 in no way did her son need to be tied down any more than that and she better not hear of any accident. We don't go over their ever, I will never stop her from coming to my home to visit as long as both me and my husband are home (I won't take her crap anymore) as long as she doesn't physically or emotionally abuse us. The next time she is abusive or disrespectful to me or my children that will be the end of her visits. My husband understands and supports this. It does make me look like a royal B but I really don't care because my families safety is what matters most.

My mother in law told me that she let her son know her feelings of a woman he was with 8 yrs and it fizzled out soon after and that her son would never go against his mother "wink, wink". I am not worried he is a real man. I do know that she is sick to suggest that her son should have to choose at all. Me and the kids are an addition to his life we haven't taken anything away from it. We should be an addition to hers as well and if she could be anything besides abusive, rude, two faced and lie we might be.

You had every right to be angry and maybe the next time if you could keep the kids from knowing that she is planning to come they wouldn't get hurt when she doesn't show. I know it would be hard but no child deserves that.

I understand how you feel and email me if you need or want too.

Answer 4

Not every one is cut out to be a mother or grandmother. I can understand your hurt and frustration as no one wants to see there children disappointed for no good reason. They will have enough disappointments later in life. You can not make her be something she is not. Your husband should be backing you with this and tell his mother not to make promises she is not going to keep. As far as the ex wife goes I would not go into that conversation with her as I am sure she was not very nice to the ex when she was the wife. She is looking to get under your skin. I would not take the bate.

Answer 5

Sounds like you have your hands full with this Lady! I am so sorry that you are going through this. How does your husband feel about the situation? I would sit down and talk to him about it, or invite her over and lay everything on the table..... Tell he rthat you dont want to keep your baby from her but you also dont want her around if she is going to treat your daughter different then the other kids. Its not fair to you or your daughter.... Maybe talk to your Husband's ex and see if she can talk to her since they are close. I havent been in this situation but im sure there is a solution. If you cant find one, then dont stress off of her and focus on your Marriage and baby. I wish you the best and my prayers are with you!

Answer 6

This woman is poison. Avoid her. You have to be civil to her, because she's going to be part of your life for -- hopefully! -- a long time. (What the heck was she doing in the delivery room if she didn't want to hold her granddaughter?!?!) I think you need to explain to your child and step-children that Grandma loves them, but sometimes she has trouble keeping promises and to not get too excited about any promises that she might make, like coming over, etc. Maybe she just doesn't like children . . . in that case, do her a favor and don't encourage it. She's obviously not dying to be the bake-cookies-with-grandma type, don't force her into it.

Answer 7

It's a hard situation, but sometimes you have to cut all ties. I would suggest not telling the kids when she promises to come...that way, they are not let down when she doesn't. As far as her talking to the ex and putting you down and disrespecting you by bringing it to your attention, that is totally uncalled for. She has issues and I wouldn't let it bring you down because she has problems. If she cannot accept her own granddaughter, she is messed up in the head and probably needs counseling. What ever you do, do not let her come between you and your husband. Try to keep her issues separate from your home life and from your children's lives. I know it's hard to not let the kids have a relationship with their Grandmother, but weight the odds....will it hurt them more to know her..or not know her? My guess is that it will hurt them more to know her. The kids come first!

Answer 8

i did not locate a question yet enjoyed reading it besides. that's good advice or maybe nevertheless no one asked you, thank you for writing it. As a MIL i could elect to characteristic an basic MYOB MIL. Translated potential concepts your guy or woman employer mom In regulation. to not the above author, she's cool. yet please ... MIL's .. do not supply advice once you at the instant are not asked and don't tell anybody a thank you to do something. you will possibly be very experienced at being a mom, grandmother....and so on. yet issues substitute from time to time and family individuals to family individuals. So, if all of us MOurOB anybody is happy. that's not basic to not tell a DIL she is putting the diaper on the incorrect end of the toddler yet she'll locate out quickly sufficient.

Answer 9

Wow tough situation. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Even adults act like children at times and it sounds like your mother-in-law needs to grow up. Regardless of how she might feel it's irresponsible of her to not accept the decisions her son made by marrying you and even having a child with you. This is where he needs to step up and set things straight with his mom. You are doing what most parents would do and that is protecting your child from this kind of behavior. It would be one thing if she were accepting but she's obviously not. Talk to your husband and encourage him to do the responsible thing and step in to talk to his mom.

Answer 10

Here is my advice to you. My grandma is the same way. She and my mom don't get along and my grandma does not treat me the way she treats my sisters and cousins. My advice to you is to do what my mother did. She let me get to know my grandma and after a while I started to realize what a negetive affect my grandma was having on me. Give your daughter the chance to make her own decision because if you don't then she will be mad at you. Godspeed.

Answer 11

This is between you and your mother in law not your kids and their grandma. Kids are innocent and they need their grandma in their life no matter what unless she is hurting them in some way and they are being affected by it.

Talk things over with your husband and ask him what he thinks and approach you in law in a mature manner and tell her what it is that bothers you. Let it out in the open instead of letting it bother you inside. If she doesn't like it than its okay.....you didn't marry her you married her son.