Why do I attract self-centered "know it all" type people?

Question

Please help me. A co-worker corners me at my desk and insists on telling me monotonous accounts of text messages he received from his gf, intimate situations and arguments, asks me to look at countless pictures of her on his cell phone. I have been direct with this person and told him certain things should be private.

I am happy to be a good listener, but after 30 or 45 minutes it is nice t/b able to comment or change to a more neutral subject.

We had a decent friendship, and I was supportive when they first got together. But this is exhausting.

Please give me some constructive critism on how to handle this. Thanks for listening ~

Answer 1

Yoak,
It is tough being a good listener.. people tend to take advantage of the good guys!

It seems to me you have to be more assertive with this guy, because he clearly is NOT a good listener. If you have been direct and he continues to use you like this then he really doesn't care about what you think anyway. It appears he may just be using you for an opportunity to just vent and / or brag.

If it were me, I would begin to stop him before he even starts. "Sorry Bud, but today I just don't have the energy for your sex life!!" Make a joke of it, but then be very clear with your body language.. DO NOT ENGAGE.

I have had to put the brakes on a number of friendships over the years. I believe these type of people don't hear the words, they only understand the very clear behaviour.

So, Good luck.. hope this helps.

P.S. Don't stop being a good listener, that is a quality that makes a man great.

Answer 2

I can relate to what you're saying. For some reason, I'm the kind of person that people feel they can talk "at" rather than talk "to"...if you know what I mean. I've had coworkers ramble on and on in the first person to me, never once asking a question or engaging in a real two way conversation. Chalk it up to the fact that you are a good listener and people take advantage of that, because a lot of other people would be rude and cut them off. I guess the best thing to do in a work situation is say sorry, I wish I could talk more, but there are a few things I need to get done before I leave today and I really should get back to work now.

Answer 3

It can be frustrating listening to some babble all the time. Just stop him before he starts in a good way. Like, "Dude do you have anything good to tell me today," or " I'm gonna start charging you for my advice". I honestly tell my friends not to come over to me with male problems today.