I am from a very rich family...my parents r spending alot for me...but, i m in love with my mom's cousine...we married secretly..he can live without me and i cant...but, its bit abnormal in society to marry mom's cousine.....i dont want to give such insults to my parents..they dont deserve it...but, i love him a lot and we r already married......am i doing wrong? people will say bed...should i sacrifice our both's life for people?? i m in very mental pressure...plz advicee me....in one side my love, another side my parents's pride..if u were in my place, what would u do?
2007-06-20 04:56:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is my mom's cousine mean's my mom's, mother's -sister's son. he is 8 years elder than me....i suffered a lot from my childhood...i had lots og money but no family life....no one never loved me, my parents didnt had time for me....that time we married..he used to love me a lot..slowly my parents got it that i m so far from them..so they started to love me again...started to give me lots of time...by this time, i m of him...i cant leave him,he is m...i cant hurt my parents also...i feel to do suiside...without him i have no life...btu, whats abt my parents?
2007-06-20 04:57:26 · update #1
You got yourself into a bit of a bind I have to say but I can also understand how you did that so you really can't be blamed for it.
There aren't any good options that I can see.
First of all marrying that cousin is not wrong, it's legal and allowed so you needn't worry about that. If anything is wrong it's how you went about getting married but that's understandable too.
It's clear that you can't live the way you are living at the moment so you will have to put an end to that and share a home with your new husband. And of course the only way to do that is to fess up and tell your parents and his too.
Oh they'll be upset and they may not understand. But in time, once they're over the shock, they'll also be practical and accept that it's been done and that there's nothing further to be gained by giving you a hard time.
At that point the two of you can make plans and finally live together.
Now about the guilt you feel, I'll make a couple of points. It wasn't your choice to be born, your parents decided to have you. In doing so they also accepted the responsiblity to raise you and take care of you. At the same time they didn't do that for nothing. They got a lot of love from you in return and it seems you're still giving them a lot of love when they do spend time with you. So the balance sheet is clean, you don't owe them anything. It would have been nice I suppose to have had them at the wedding and to have involved them in the whole thing from start to finish, but if they're not going to spend a lot of time with you, that probably wasn't possible.
So don't feel like you are betraying them, you are free to pursue your own life. They will sometimes give you advice and suggest what you should do but that's mostly because they care about you and they don't want you making mistakes they made. At the same time you also have to be allowed to make mistakes, that's how they learned and grew up and that's how you will too. So if they get a little too bossy remind them of that.
The other thing to keep in mind is that you're not going to be living with them and they're not going to be living with you. You have to be happy and if this marriage makes you happy they will simply have to accept it. I think you'll find that they will eventually once they get over the shock.
Good Luck! I know you're in for a hard time but I think it will pass a lot faster than you expect and in time things will settle down and be nice.
I hope that helps a little.
2007-06-20 05:57:42 · answer #1 · answered by Shutterbug 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's not your first cousin. These people that responded with that don't know how to read.
He's something like your second cousin...and that's legal in any country, I think...still you should check on the legality of your marriage with a lawyer, and you can afford one, I presume. Your blood lines are not too close as to that you can't have children; you can.
Then, after you know that, it's time to bring this skeleton out of the closet and tell everybody. Talk to your husband and design a plan as to how you are going to do that, or get a divorce and never tell your family that you were married. It all depends on whether the two of you are planning on making a life together or not.
2007-06-20 12:09:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honey, you have issues. re read what you wrote, you stated he can live without you but you cant without him. he took advantage of the fact that you have such low self esteem and you feel that "he loves you" . family is family and he is your cousin as well as your mom's. this is some backwoods crazy jerry springer show. U are secretly married, not living together, are u a dumbass or what!!! MOVE ON HONEY AND CUT TIES WITH THIS ONE AND LET YOUR PARENTS KNOW WHAT AN IDIOT YOU ARE!! you dont marry your cousin because you feel unloved, you wreck your parents car for that one!!
2007-06-20 12:19:45 · answer #3 · answered by lou 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't hurt yourself sweetie no problem is worth taking your life over trust me.. It sounds like you have the financial means to seek out a good mental health care professional I'm not saying your mental hon you are just overwhelmed with a few problems like the most of us this site is not the place for you to seek out help in the state you're in get professional help... best of luck sweetie i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...
2007-06-20 12:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get it annulled. I believe that this is incest on some type of level. There are lots of men out there to marry that arent related 2 u-look them up. If ur parents find out what u did b4 u fix it, there's going 2 b major problems. Go see a shrink. This is just gross.
2007-06-20 12:04:53 · answer #5 · answered by Misty D 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Then he is your first cousin, you can not have children together, your blood lines are too close. Tell your parents the truth. If they stop giving you money, that is okay anyway, because they shouldn't have to support you any longer. If it were me, I would tell them the truth and live with what ever happens.
2007-06-20 12:02:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's bizarre, you married your SECOND cousin(correction: mom's, mothers cousin)
What country are you in?
I'm not sure if that's even legal in the U.S.
Not to mention it's very unhealthy, mentally or for your potential children, they could be born with any number of disabilities from a couple that closely related.
2007-06-20 12:01:56 · answer #7 · answered by ahhgodzirra 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
How very Flowers in the Attic.... And how unfortunate the the money your parents spent on you didn't include a proper education. There is only one thing you can do......steal as much as you can from your parents, run away with your love, and find a nice little trailer park to settle down.
2007-06-20 12:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by Neka 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Since you didn't consider your parents before you married this man, why consider them now? You're a grown married woman. Start acting like one and tell your parents you are married.
2007-06-20 12:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gross, you married your mom's cousin. He's disgusting too. And who cares if your family is rich. I hope you don't have kids.
What country are you from, so I can be sure I never go there. People like you make me sick.
2007-06-20 12:01:29 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋