I am 25 yrs of age and my fiance is 19 and we have a one month old. She is from a small town. I just got out of the military. I live in a state where the jobs are scarce. I have exhausted all of my efforts in finding a decent paying job. (Most around here want to pay you $10 an hr). I have told my fiance that I have to start looking out of state for a job. She does not want to move but she says she will if we have to. I come to find out that her mother has been trying to talk her out of marrying me. While I would never force her to do anything, what ever happend to the notion that when you get married you end a life with your parents and begin one with your spouce? What should I do? Is our relationship doomed?
2007-06-20 04:50:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually if you read your own question you have your answer within it.
You said that your fiance has agreed to move if needed and this is already with her family making negative noise about moving.
She has already drawn that line with you and not with her parents.
2007-06-20 04:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship isn't doomed. I also live in a state where jobs are scarce. You could move or take up a job in the trucking industry. My husband has been driving professionally for years. Lots of trucking companies will pay for the schooling needed to get a Class A CDL. Your fiance is 19, she is capable of making her own decisions. Talk to her about your feelings , communcation is very important. Her mother does need to mind her own business. If you & your fiance don't put your foot down (mom) , she'll always try to cause problems. Good luck !
2007-06-20 12:10:34 · answer #2 · answered by redneckcowgirlmo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage has it's ups and downs, it is what you make it and it take a lot of hard work from both persons involved. If it is ment to be it will be. Just ask her to make her own decisions with out being influenced by her parents, fight not with the in-laws, they only want to be a part of their grandchildes life. She will do what is right for herself and her family when she comes to terms with it and gets over her fears. It is frightening to be so young and a parent at that age, now marriage and now move out of state!!! This is a bit fast and it seems as though it is all happening at once- these are major changes and she is not used to change at all. Just tell her it's for the best for you and her and your family, now you two have a family of your own and you want to be sure you do all you can to support all whom are involved the baby, her and you !The other family members have to take a back seat now... Be understanding be patience. All will be well!
2007-06-20 12:29:35 · answer #3 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not doomed. I don't think marriage means cutting off your relationship with your parents, though. I think it's more about joining two families together....not separating anyone. Your future mother-in-law is likely concerned about your fiance marrying so young and to someone considerably older, who likely has more life experience than she. My advice would be to sit down with your fiance's parents and explain sincerely that your intentions are genuine. That might put their minds at ease. Think of your one month old in the same situation...as a father, wouldn't you be concerned too?
2007-06-20 11:56:59 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ur not doomed, ur just w/ someone who's a lot younger than u. She's not ready 2 leave the "safety" of her mom. If she truly loves u, she will do what's right 4 u and ur baby. Explain 2 her what ur lives can b outside of the small town living on the verge of poverty, things'll b great. If she doesn't want 2 go or marry u, I say move on and take financial responsibility 4 ur child. Good luck.
2007-06-20 11:56:04 · answer #5 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage does not end the life with the parents, it BLENDS the families. If you are expecting her to forget about her family once you are married then yes your relationship is doomed. Make up a schedule of times she might be able to visit her family if you do have to move. Or even make up a schedule of when they can visit her. But don't expect her to give up her family all together, that will only cause trouble.
2007-06-20 15:08:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance is old enough to make her own decision. You are right...when you get married your life is with your spouse. You obviously can't make your fiance marry you. She will do what she think is best. If she loves you she will want to make a life with you and do what is necessary for your family to have a good life. Her mother needs to keep her nose out of your two's business.
2007-06-20 11:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If handled right the relationship could work. Talk to mom and take time to find out what her fears and concerns are about her daughter. Answer her questions honestly. Assure her that you are not taking her daughter away from her, but want to become her son also. Treat her with dignity and respect. She reared the lady you love!!!!!
I'm speaking from experience. I have 4 son-in-laws. Your relationship with the rest of the family will depend on your relationship with mom-in-law. Win her over.
2007-06-20 11:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by ransomschoice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your wife to tell her mom to stay out of it. If jobs are so bad, why don't you re-enlist, depending on your MOS of course. Let your wife know that now you two are your own family now. Never tell her to leave her alone, just tell her to step away from the marriage. It's not like you're an abusive person are ya???
2007-06-20 11:57:11 · answer #9 · answered by The Gooch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be if she is very close to her mother and listens to everything her mother tells her. Best thing to do is move out of town.......far away, and if she comes with you, get married and she will eventually stop listening to her mom.
2007-06-20 11:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋