My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and have been broken up for about 2 years.It was my decision to end things. In that time I met my husband and we were married 3 months ago.I love my husband very much and I am very happy with him. I don't want to be with my ex but sometimes I miss him alot. A lot of times I will have random dreams about my ex and alot of times its about becoming friends again. Sometimes there are dreams where we just hug, and in my dream I am still aware and in love with my husband, but I am also happy to have made ammends with my ex. He pretty much hates me and wont talk to me so how do I get over wanting to make friends with him? I don't know how to forget about him.
2007-06-20 04:46:32 · 14 answers · asked by missmae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clear something up I don't think about my ex all the time. Its not that way at all, just randomly I will have a dream about him and its usually when I have bumped into him around town. I can go months without him crossing my mind but when I see him is when I have issues. As for my husband, I talk with him about my issues with my ex, he is very aware of my problems forgeting about him and is also very supportive. He knows that I do not harbor any sort of wish to be with my ex only that I am struggling with closure on the issue. Thanks to all of you who have answered but the way, its been a big help.
2007-06-20 05:28:00 · update #1
sometimes i view my dreams and thoughts as a way my mind/heart proccess things before i settle the issues and put them behind. at least that's how i feel my heart/mind works. i understand your situation because i kinda have been through there myself....according to your description, i think what you feel and dream is a way your emotion is settling things. you're happily married and your heart is content so you have the leisure time to trying to mend things in the past. in a way, you've been sorry for how you end things with your ex and you know it hurts him. you can't change how he feels about you right now...but maybe you can wait a little longer till you feel he can accept your apology and you two can live without regrets and hurt (if not friendship). there isn't much you can do right now, except pray for his forgiveness and continue live happily with your hubby. or if you can't wait, you can send him a little note expressing how you feel and telling him you will wait till he can forgive and/or forget. do tell him that you're happily married now (not to get him jealous and/or mislead him you want him back) but your happiness is built on the wonderful experience you shared with him and learned from him. good luck!
2007-06-20 05:02:54 · answer #1 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what ur going thru. I still think about my x and it's been over for 4 years now and I've been married for 3. He was an important part of ur life and eventually the memories will fade. I just concentrate on what I have now and am happy 2 have found the man I married. If the Lord wanted me 2 b w/ my x, I still would b. He wasn't in the plan-my husband is and boy is it great.
2007-06-20 04:52:11 · answer #2 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my personal experience with this I would advise that you are romanticizing the relationship you had with your ex. You need to let go of those thoughts and the desire to rekindle a friendship. You are wasting precious time with your husband thinking about another man.
Consider how you would feel if your husband was occupied with thoughts of his ex.
It will not be simple, but you should first try not to focus so much on that other man. If he pops into your head, don't fantasize about meeting him, talking to him, hugging him, etc., push the thoughts away. Think of your husband instead.
Keep focused on your marriage, be happy with your life now. Don't live in the past. Good luck!
2007-06-20 04:55:46 · answer #3 · answered by leysarob 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are times I have thought back to those from my past but I 'choose' not to "stay in the past" and think about the person all the time, instead I concentrate on my husband and what I can do to make him happy.
You are going to ruin a loving relationship if you don't learn to get ahold of yourself and stop living in the past. You aren't giving 100% of yourself to your marriage if you are constantly thinking of your ex ~ no wonder you dream about him all the time.
Give up any thoughts of wanting to be friends and even if you do meet up with him, keep it casual but a bit distant so you don't start getting tempted again.
We all train ourselves to have good habits and we train ourselves to have bad habits. If you truly love your husband, you will start dreaming about him when he isn't there, think of things you can do to make him smile or laugh or those special moments you share alone.
You are being very immature right now ~ you made a committment to someone so stick with it and do the honorable thing and leave the past in the past where it belongs.
And think about this. How would you feel if you learned that your husband was doing this behind your back? Start studying your Bible and go to church and get a handle on God's word to keep yourself on the right path.
God bless
2007-06-20 05:10:18 · answer #4 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel guilty about ending your relationship with him for hurting him to a point that made him hate you. You comfort your guilty feeling by dreaming about being friendly with him.
Listen, let it go and move on in your life with your husband. There is nothing left to salvage your relationship with your ex. You are confusing being friendly with being forgiven. It kills you to know that he hates you and you want him to forgive you.
Why would he be friends with you? You dumped him and got married, what is in it for him if he becomes your friend? What benefit will you friendship provide him? It will only make him more jealous and miserable watching you with your husband. So quit playing with his broken heart and hurt soul.
If you have an ounce of sense in you, you will move on and forget about evening entertaining the thought about being friends with your ex. You if don't stop you are bound to ruin your married life.
2007-06-20 04:58:48 · answer #5 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are carrying around some guilt about the ex and would like for him to forgive you for whatever it is you think you did that hurt him. Talk to a close, trusted friend about your thoughts/feelings about the ex and if afterwards, you still feel the need to apologize to him, then perhaps you should send a note stating you are sorry for whatever it is you are sorry for. Then forgive yourself and move on. We have all been hurt and we have all hurt others.
Time to deal with the issue so you can move forward. You can do it - good luck.
2007-06-20 04:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will never forget a love that lasted for 3 years.
You also may never be able to be friends with your ex.
If you have done something to hurt your ex then apologize and let it go. You can not make him like you again and in reality he may be "hating" you because it is easier for him to deal with that emotion than a "missing you" one.
Love your husband, enjoy him and accept that you can not control your ex's actions or emotions.
2007-06-20 04:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well most likely it iwll take time. You and him did spent alot of time (3 yrs) together so that will take time to overcome. Just focus on ur husband and spend extra time with him. As time goes on you will make memories with your hubby and you will finally forget your ex.
2007-06-20 04:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by humble servant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to make friends with you ex. You obviously hurt him and I can't say that I blame him for not liking you. Stop thinking about him and concentrate on your husband. Remember your wedding vows.
2007-06-20 05:17:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop focusing on removing your ex from your mind, work on focusing on your husband and how to escalate your relationship with him.
By trying to forget about your ex you are focusing on him.
2007-06-20 04:57:28 · answer #10 · answered by ahhgodzirra 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋