He's 36, never been married and no children?

Question

So I thought I was very lucky but when I told my 15 yr old daughter this, she asked "what's wrong w/him and why's he with you" ? I was shocked by her response. I 'm divorced and have 2 kids. I wanted to keep an open relationship w/her so I told her about him. I have to admit she hurt my feelings. She also has a problem w/him being Italian. She says we should date our own race! W'e're Puerto Rican. I know this is her father talking. I told her I married a Puerto Rican 17 yrs ago (her dad) and look at us now. She responded - so it didn't work out date another Latin man. The conversation got ugly. Not the way I planned it. I'd like to tak to her again, when I calm down. Any suggestions?

I'm 38

Answer 1

Hi, I'm a teen myself, and I'm going to give you advice from a teen's perspective. Your daughter is upset because you happen to be interested in another man who is not her father. Sometimes we teens, just want our parents love. Its hard for any teen who is growing up with two divorced parents instead of married parents. He is italian and you two are latino right? Well she's adjusted to the latino lifestyle. Lets say he speaks italian and invites his family to your home. Your daughter might feel left out since she's not adjusted to an italian lifestyle and probably doesnt know italian, am I right? From what I can see, she is upset and she's judging this man because he is not her father. She is judging him cruelly by saying he's never been married and has no children. We teens do this sometimes, when we are upset. I know I would find it hard if my mom dated another man who was not from the same ethnicity and was not my father. Try talking to your daughter about this, and tell her.

[Name] Im sorry this is not your father and that he is not latino but I need to move on and I really like this man. I hope you can understand that me and your dad are no longer married and we both need to move on.


She is not going to be happy when you tell her but it will take time. And eventually, Time will pass, and if this italian man is a good man, She will realize he's a very good man and she'll respect your wishes with him. I wish you the best of luck, ma'am. If you need any more advice from a teen about your daughter, you can email me. Nice Talking To You. :)

Answer 2

so what if he is 36 with no kids? That is great for you. I married an Italian, and let me tell you, a more loving and family oriented man I have never met. She is 16, she is going to give you a hard time no matter what you do. That is what teenagers do, all of them. You have already shown her a lot of respect by informing her of your decision to date, but you really do not need her approval. She will have issues with whomever you date. Even if you had found another Puerto Rican, she probably wouldn't have liked his job, or his hair, or his clothes or anything else she could possibly think of. If he is a good man, and you two have real chemistry, take it slow and follow your heart, she may come around eventually but she will spend another 2 years with you and then start her own life and you will be left alone. That is just how it works.

Answer 3

I married and Italian, and at first it was okay now it's getting worse the abuse that I've endured has been pretty tough to take, it hasn't gotten physical yet, but it won't be long, I'm not saying don't go out with an Italian but just be careful.
That Italian has left a bad taste in my mouth forever. i will never date or marry another.
On the verge of a divorce.
They can be very controlling, from what to wear to what and when and how much to eat.
you daughter doesn't run your life, and i understand i have a daughter too but, kids do play a part in this also, wouldn't you want your kids to like who you date so you all get along.

Answer 4

Not being married at 36 is unusual, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with him. Perhaps he was just waiting for the right woman.

Using her father as an example of what is wrong with Puerto Rican men was probably not the best idea. I would suggest citing some of the similarities between the two cultures. And remember, she is your daughter and not your mother. She does not have to agree with what you are doing, and she is entitled to her opinion. On this issue, it may be best for the two of you to agree to disagree.

Answer 5

Don't be shocked or hurt by your daughter's response---she may be wise beyond her years. Just because someone is older and has never been married with children does not mean it will be smooth sailing. This is something your daughter obviously is aware of. It's great to not have the baggage of an ex-wife and children, but there are problems with these supposed "special" men as well. I married a 44 year-old man who had never been married and had no children. I thought I was lucky, too. Boy, was I ever disappointed (at times). First, he is a big-time momma's boy. Secondly, he seems to become easily infatuted and excited by other women (makes me wonder if he played the field enough). These are the two biggest issues, but these are issues you may never have to address.

My point: Don't be too hard on your daughter. She's giving her honest opinon, and she's right, there may be something wrong with him.

Answer 6

celibate for 12years? what happened? it seems to me you are a bit out of tune(no offence intended here) i think you have been overprotective of yourself for all these 12years and probably start looking with suspicion at everyone who comes around you...my best sugestion is that you keep an open mind and ignore the urge to look out for ill intentions from your suitors. with an open mind it will be easier to see the good side of these people and believe me you will naturally find the right man,there are still a lot of nice men out there,try changing your approach and stay natural. i can see you are an emotional person thats why you protect yourself so much or may have had a bad experience at some point in your life... dont worry dear you will not become an old maid without kids,i think you are very nice inside..you just need to open up a little more,be natural about it (its not easy) but i know you will find 'him' soon. goodluck!!!

Answer 7

I think at this time, you need to realize that you are the parent and she is the child. I admire you for wanting to be open and honest with her about your relationship, However, she seems to be a bit bitter towards the breakup of you and her father. Every child to an extent has "dreams" of their parents one day getting back together. This may or may not be the case in this situation. she also may have a hard time with the acceptance that perhaps one day it won't just be the two of you and she will have to share you. Personally, I want my father to find someone (my mother passed 2 years ago), as life is too short in which to spend alone. Best of luck!

Answer 8

Alexa, Let me tell you about my ex-sister in law. She is 40 and has 3 grown children, 20, 19, and 18. She also tied her tubes so she can't have any more children. Now she is engaged to a 35 yr.old, who has never been married and has no children. I heard that he has asked woman for marriage and they said no. She said yes because he was the only one available in my book. I don't think she is doing the right thing. He needs a young woman who can give him children in the future and she needs a man whom is divorced and has had his children. I mean do you see this picture.... I hear italian men are pretty strict like the cuban, mexican men. Seems to me that the women didn't stick around and good for them...I'd be very careful......something smells fishy...

Answer 9

Let her know that you are sharing with her so that she is aware of what is going on in your life now that you are single but that you will continue to make your own decisions.

As far as your boyfriend - he may have decided to never get married - who knows? But, there isn't anything wrong with him just because he's 36 and never been married and this isn't serious, anyway, is it? Your daughter is angry that you are divorced and is expressing that anger about your man because if you get involved with him, then how are you ever going to get back with her Dad?

Time will heal the wounds - give her and yourself some time. And, unless a relationship gets serious, I wouldn't mention it to her anymore - talk to your girlfriends.

Answer 10

Start off the conversation with "I'm open minded and a mans race is not relevant to me. I know I can find a good guy who is not Latin". Then you explain to her that if she feels compelled to judge people based on their race she'll severely limit her love life and potential friends. You can also explain to her that nothing has to be wrong with him, he's simply decided he'll wait for the right woman and since she hadn't come along yet he never rushed into marriage or having children.