why cant i feel better?

Question

why cant i feel loved? why cant i feel like i deserve it? iam married, we have our problems but i cant seem to get out of this hole i feel like iam....why do i care so much? wish just for one day i could put me first and not him!

my hubby treats me like crap (i feel ) and yet i still do everything for this man....why!!! anyone been there? please help?

Answer 1

It boils down to self-respect.
Start thinking of yourself as a person who deserves love. Make a list of all your good qualities. Do something wonderful and loving for yourself (get a massage or a facial or something) just because you deserve it.
If you cant' see yourself as deserving of love, noone else will either.
understand that perfection doesn't exist. You don't need to be perfect you just need to be good enough. and you are good enough. You are no better and no worse than anyone else and everyone deserves love and happiness.

Answer 2

Honey I know the feeling been there done that. I finally got on Zoloft got a job ( was a stay at home mom) and a life of my own and funny thing is now he busts his balls trying to make things work out but it's too late now I am still angry with him for how he treated me but it's at the point I don't hate him anymore I just live for me and my kids. I don't bend over backwards to make sure the house is always perfect ( not a pig here but hey does the bathroom have clothes the kids left on the floor this morning yup I will get it when I get home) and his dinner is on the table as soon as he walks in the door or his clothes are layed out for him or do everything for the kids( he did help make them he can help take care of them). You need to love youself first and not always put his needs before yours. The only people in my life I put before my own needs or wants are my children and even so I have learned that I at time have to say OK Mom I need help can you take the kids for a day so I can have some me time, that me time allows me to be a better Mom and person.

Answer 3

I would suggest that you go see a doctor. You might be suffering from depression and need the help of a doctor or a support group. Ruling that out I'd say that you need some self esteem boosting. The first thing you can do for yourself is take time to see that you are eating right and getting some exercises. It will make you feel better. Then you need to take some time out for yourself. Meditate, go shopping, just visit some friends or go to the library. Do something just for you. I have been where you are. No one else is going to take care of you but yourself. You are as important as anyone else in your life. Please remember that no matter what. Please see a doctor first. Good Luck and take care.

Answer 4

Sounds like you weren't loved as a child, or at least, didn't feel loved and accepted for who you were and as such, have lived your life trying to please others to gain their attention and/or affection. However, if someone does something nice just for you or buys you a gift, it is hard for you to accept it because you don't think you deserve it. It's called co-dependency. Help can be found by getting some therapy. And you are worth the time and effort so please get an appointment scheduled and get started on feeling better.

Answer 5

You have low self esteem. You are the only one who can change that. You can stop doing things for your husband if you so choose. If he treats you badly, don't do anything for him. You have to power to change what you are doing. You have let him help put you in your hole. You can climb out. You know you are a valuable person. You are a unique creation of God. Stop listening to him put you down. When you get up in the morning look in the mirror and tell yourself I am ok today just like I am.

He sounds like a controller. He puts you down and puts his thumb on your head to keep you down. Counseling may help you to start standing up for yourself. You need to arm yourself with knowledge, find a family councilor or marriage councilor go by yourself, cause he most likely won't go.

What he is doing to you is called emotional abuse.
You could go on line and find a lot of info that would help you.
Don't lay down and take it anymore. Find out how you can change what you are doing. Go for it, I hope the best for you. You also need God in your life.

Answer 6

I know the feeling. It is a conscious effort everyday to think about everything you do and put yourself ahead of him. Somewhere in you, you may feel that if you cater to him and give him everything he wants he will finally be happy and not abandon you. In actuality, the opposite is true.....He will pay more attention to you and treat you better once he sees you doing it for yourself. By putting him first you are telling him you are less worthy. Give yourself the bigger steak.....take a nice bath instead of washing his clothes.....tell him his dinner is just a take-out menu away. I am working on that myself and it feels pretty damn good to tell you the truth LOL

Answer 7

I think both of you definitely need some healthy counseling help from professional counselors. It really does help figuring out the root cause of these differences between you two and also an effective skills that you'd need to apply to resolve such differences in future. Now all you've gotta do is just convince him to walk along with you to the counselor's office. It definitely works.

Answer 8

Get a medical checkup to see if you are suffering from depression. Develop some outside interests and widen your horizons; you are an indivicual and not a slave or live in maid. Treat your husband as he treats you; life is a 50/50 proposition and neither of you is the ruler of the other.

Answer 9

You can't help how you feel. Your feelings just are. What you can help is what you do with those feelings. So the first step is to not feel guilty for feeling what you feel. You can't help it. Those feelings are real and you are entitled to feel the way you do.

The next step is to figure out why you feel the way you do. What is it that is causing yourself to feel bad about yourself? You do deserve to feel loved - everyone does. Why do you feel like you don't?

The next step is to figure out what kind of changes or things you need to do to help the thing that is making you feel bad. Does it involve your husband? Is there a need to talk to him or pursue joint counseling?

Is it stress at work and is there a need to look at changing your job situation?

Is it genuine depression and maybe it is time to make an appointment with your doctor?

I have no idea why you feel the way you do - you hold the answers to those questions. But I believe that everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone has the right to look at their lives, identify what is causing them unhappiness and take the steps to make the changes necessary to be happy.

Sometimes we have to put ourselves first. When we do, we can better take care of those people in our lives who we put ahead of ourselves.

You can do it. You just have to decide it is what you want.

Answer 10

Not knowing much about your situation, it's difficult to determine why you have such a low opinion of yourself, but judging from your negativity, you should look into a self help course to determine your strengths and build upon those. Your spouse will notice these changes if you truly try to change you attitude and gain a healthier mental state. Good luck. You are worth it!!