cant decide between gf of 6 years and new woman who has more to offer?

Question

im 30, gf is 27. we are best friends and do everything together, same hobbies and get along great. however there is no passion and sex is barely ok. its like we are friends who have sex. we live together and she would have no where to go if we did break up. new woman is 37 w/ 2 kids, we have been friends for 6 months, kissing for 2. we havent had sex but have heavy makeout sessions. we have some things in comon but we have incredable passion, passion like i wouldnt believe existed if you told me about it. what my gf lacks in maturity and independance the new woman has. gf went back to college and we moved in to my moms house so we could afford school and rest of bills. i am bored and dont know if gf will make me happy in marrage, espically if I have already kinda cheated. gf and i quit smoking pot a year ago and since then our relationship has become a routine. i know the grass is always greener on the other side but am i crazy to want to leave gf for this new woman?

Answer 1

You owe it to your long term gf to talk to her about your doubts and fears without bringing the now woman into it. You sound extremely immature for a 30 year old. You moved backin with your parents??? It sounds to me like you should move out on your own and pay bills like a grown up for awhile before you think about any kind of relationship with anyone.

Answer 2

Brother, I hope you read this in time!!!!!!! if you trust ONE thing you read today..make it this: I did this and I want to be back SO badly right now to where everything was rightest (because NO relationship is PERFECT). You may think that the intrigue of the person and the passion, passion, passion is something that won't just become the same as you have it now with your current gf, but it WILL even quicker! You will understand what you have that is so RARE with your current gf once it is gone! I AM SO HOPING THIS IS SINKING INTO YOU before you let this continue! Picture this and picture it hard: The new lady has been meeting with someone else on the side, too, and you would NEVER EVER believe that possible. She dumps you bad. You go where? To your ex. GUESS WHAT?! You took your best friend in the world and you took a crap on them! You will NEVER redeem yourself and , worse, you'll see her walking sitting at a park one day just sitting on the lap and adoringly hugging some guy and you will be completely WIPED OUT! If you made it through 6 years together, you made it through times that most people do not. You HAVE the recipe for marriage if you want it; you PROVED your commitments to each other! DO NOT LEAVE HER FOR WHAT YOUR D*CK IS WANTING RIGHT NOW! The sex always tapers off. If you can talk with someone and be there for them like their life is your own...and know they'll do the same for you...you have the a bowlful of diamonds in your hand. If you spill em, sometimes you don't even get to keep the bowl.

Answer 3

Well if you ask me I think you should definitely break up with your gf. Whether you get with the new girl or not you should break up with your gf. If you've been cheating on her for this long, you clearly aren't in love with her anymore. You might love her, but it doesn't sound like your 'in love' with her anymore.
Maybe you should be with the older woman. You have to consider a few things first.
1. You will definitely miss your current gf if you break up with her, its something that is normal. Will your new gf be able to cope with this? After all, your not just losing a gf, your losing a best friend you've had for 6 years.
2. Do you want to take on the responsibility of 2 kids? And now that she has had 2 kids, will she want to have more? If you plan to have kids in your future, will she be too old by then, will she want to?
3. It may have been fun sneaking around on your gf with the new girl but will it be as fun when its not necessarily sneaking around?

Consider these things, think long and hard and make a decision. Good luck, I hope Ive helped!

Answer 4

Well, the grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to mow.

Things with the other woman may be passionate right now, but if she's got two kids, believe me, the passion will fizzle when you two get into a serious relationship and the routine starts in. Have you considered the fact that being in a relationship with the other woman also means having a relationship with and some responsibility for her kids? I'm not saying that that's a bad things, I'm just pointing out that if you're lacking excitement NOW, you should consider how much excitement you'll really be getting with Door #2.

As for your current situation - set the poor girl free. She'll find a place to go, and you'll both be happier.

Answer 5

Do your girlfriend a favor -- grow a spine and end your relationship with her now. She's 27, you're 30, you've been dating for SIX years and you still can't decide if you want to marry her? Here's a clue, buddy: You DON'T. You've just been using her for convenient sex, and because she's comfortable to be around. Plus, believe me, she doesn't want to be married to you six years from now when you get "bored" again, and you obviously have no interest in making HER happy in marriage.

Basically, you guys have been playing at marriage for the last six years, and you're running into something that all married couples run into -- after a while, some things can become routine if you let them -- even sex. All marriages go through ups and downs, and it depends on the commitment of the couple as to whether or not they are going to put in the effort to keep that "spark" alive or if they are just going to let it die from neglect. And you flunked the test -- when you got bored, you started looking for action elsewhere, instead of trying to fix it.

IF you were truly commited to your girlfriend, instead of spending time with this other woman, you'd be spending it trying to improve your relationship with your girlfriend. Just consider this: Part of what is feeding your passion for this other woman is the feeling that it is something you shouldn't be doing. It will get routine with her, too -- faster, even, if she has two kids. Kids need routine :-)

Answer 6

If you are that unhappy then you need to leave. You shouldn't stay with her just because she has no place to go. If I moved out of my bf place if we broke up then I would find somewhere to live....I am 24 and raised to be independent...it all depends on how a person was raised and how they act as an adult....My sisters and I are used to being on our own. We all moved out at 18 or 19...my middle sister at 17....not the point. No you shouldn't have cheated because that is never ok....but if you don't love your gf and don't think she will make you happy in marriage then you shouldn't be together. You need to be with someone who makes you happy....someone who is willing to go out and do anything on a wimb. Do keep in mind she does have 2 kids and that takes a lot of time and effort on your part....if you are with her then you are with her kids as well. Life is too short to be unhappy...but you need to end the relationship with your gf before this thing with the other woman goes any further.

Answer 7

Admit you have been cheating and see what happens. I can't just leave it at that. You might want to ask yourself what have you done to foster a loving relationship between you and your wife? When was the last time you put in the same amount of effort into your marriage as you have with this new girlfriend? When was the last time you made any effort to spend quality time with your wife? Last time you surprised her with a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant AND made the babysitting arrangements? Last time you vacuumed the house to give her a little break? A girlfriend who I personally feel is like yourself morally flawed for being part of this love triangle. No great catch to begin with. Saying it is wrong does not make it forgivable. The whole reason for marriage is a promise to stay faithful during the lulls. To provide a stable home for the children the two of you chose to bring into this world. Pulling the suicide card does not relinquish your responsibility for causing this mess. You weren't too depressed to bed a sexier, exciting mistress, now were you. But it is your responsibility to seek professional help for your depression. There is little less destructive to a child then having a parent kill themsleves. As if you haven't already done enough. 1-800-SUICIDE So you asked and my thoughts are that you are a jerk, selfish, lying and overly dramatic ***. Poor you wife won't have sex with you, the husband who was open to cheating. Who continues to lie to his wife even after she suspects. SHAME ON YOU. Like I said tell your wife that you have been cheating. She deserves to know - I do hope she leaves you.

Answer 8

You have no idea what kind of problems this new chick is bringing into the relationship. What you have to do is talk to your current girlfriend and work on what you already have. If it's worked for 6 years, there's no reason it can't keep on being fun.

This new chick might be crazy. Sure, you have that new flame of passion, since it's a different woman, but she's got kids and I'm sure she's not the perfect person you think she is. You'll break up with your current chick, see this new chick, and find all the things wrong with her. What happens when she's crazy, and the sex gets boring? You'll want to go back to your girl, but you can't, since she's gone.

Don't be a dumbass, and stop making out with someone who's not your girlfriend. You do that, I promise to stop making out with your girlfriend. We get pretty passionate, but we haven't had sex yet. She's thinking about leaving you, too.

Not fun to think about, is it?

Answer 9

Do yourself and your girlfriend a favor and do not marry her. This do everything together, have the same hobbies, etc. is not enough on which to base a marriage.
And let me explain something to you. Having heavy makeout sessions with the new woman is not just "kinda" cheating. It's cheating.
You have a huge practical problem to solve before you can make your next move. It sounds like you and your girlfriend have gotten into debt together, and now you need to live rent-free with your mom in order to pay these debts.
The first thing you need to do is come clean with your girlfriend about how you are losing interest in your relationship (you don't need to rub salt into the wound by mentioning the new woman). If it is joint debt, i.e., in both of your names, you need to discuss how to restructure the debt so that you each can personally have half, or whatever is fair, of the debt. Perhaps you can each get a loan, and pay off credit cards. You may have to sell a car and buy a less expensive car or something like that. You may need to go to a debt counseling service to help you figure it all out. If you do, be sure and go to one that is a true nonprofit, like Lutheran Social Services, rather than one which is technically a nonprofit but actually takes advantage of the debtors.
Your girlfriend is going to want to move out of your mother's home as soon as possible, and you owe it to her to help her accomplish this.
Good luck.

Answer 10

You've actually answered your own question, and it's obviously, time to move on. Something is definitely lacking in your current relationship, and you're not fully satisfied with it. After 6 years, you should be in a place of satisfaction, and happiness. Move on; sounds like the grass would be greener on the other side. There's no shame in breaking up, only shame if you stay in an unfulfilled relationship! Good luck!