i hate my school, i hate my mum?

Question

everytime i use the laptop (whether for work or surfing internet), my mum always forces me to turn the laptop so that she can see the screen. it's such a pain when she chooses to sit in one direction then turn to another direction. and she forces me to shift as well.
i can understnad if she wants to see if im playing games on the sly. but thing is, she also reads my msn messages and emails over my shoulder. and questions me about anything i say. total disregard for my privacy.

in school, i am treated as invisible, someone not worth listening to. this could partly be due to my softspokenness and painful lack of sociability.

i am very tired of being treated like this, and lonely. at home it isnt much different.

im 19 this year.. and also.. i hv tried to be outgg but nobody sees my efforts, and i get very very tired of this.. moody even..

this is my last year (im into semester one) of this phase of school life.. i still have one more stage of schooling if i choose to..
i had 3 years in this stage.. and since year one i'v been trying without success to make good friends. the classmates im with are veyr opposite from me, noisy (which sometimes i cant stand, cos i like to have quiet times too, not always noise) that would say quite alot why i choose not to go too close to them..

and our wavelengths (ie what we like to talk about) is veyr different. i have tried changing to their wavelength so that i'd be on their channel, but from my way of talking they can tell tt im finding trouble..

Answer 1

First of all, your mum is doing what any good mum should do. As long as you're living under her roof, she feels a responsibility to protect you, even when you feel it's micromanagement of your affairs. If you don't want her telling you what to do and looking at your mail, then move out. Until then, live with the fact that it's her responsibility to do what she does, especially if she loves you.
Regarding a need for friends: understand that since you're in school, you don't have the ability to go out and find others who share the same interests you do. Do not feel compelled to have friends just to have friends. Friends that don't see the world as you do, or that use you in return for you being able to say they're your "friends", are the worst kind of friends and you're better off without them. If you have to be anyone other than yourself, you're associating with the wrong group. Don't worry though, because you'll get out of school and find yourself in a very big ocean from which you'll find many friends who share your likes and dislikes. There is no reason to change your personality to fit others desires, just be yourself and you'll see that many are ready to accept you for who and what you really are. If you're lonely right now, focus on your studies. If you suffer from low self asteem, realize that most of the people you think are so sure of themselves have some of the most fragile egos and low self asteem issues of anyone you know...they just hide it behind activities and empty headed conversations. Be a good listener, there is nothing wrong with waiting until someone asks you for an opinion to speak. Many men love women who don't feel a need to fill a silence with chatter. Give it time.

Answer 2

I'm sure your mom's intentions are right. I tell my 4 daughters, I may not DO the right thing but I WANT the right thing. It is sometimes very scary for parents to let their kids on the net because of all the the children we see hurt because of bad decisions.

At this age though you should be trusted. She should trust in the raising you've received already. Are you being trustworthy? If so, remind her.

As for school: It will get easier. You won't be in school forever and can then choose the people you're around. I know that doesn't help right now. I just don't think you should have to change who you are to fit in. One true friend is worth a thousand fair-weather friends.

I hope it works out for you and you feel better soon.

Answer 3

Contrary to what others have said, you DON'T need to see a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, or any sort of therapist. What you are experiencing is normal, and you sound stable and mature enough to deal with it.

First, the issue with your mom. You have to understand where she is coming from - she is concerned for your welfare. There are a lot of perverts out there, and she wants to make sure that you are safe. The best approach is to talk to her honestly about it, and work out some compromise. For example, let her install parental controls on the computer. But, explain that she needs to trust you, and show her that the trust is mutual by sharing things with her and not keeping many secrets. It will take time, but the situation can be improved.

Next, the issue at your school. Believe me, you are not alone. It's perfectly Ok to be softspoken, and antisocial. But you can't be alone all the time, so work on finding a few friends with whom you can share your interests, thoughts, and feelings, and who think the same way as you do. You don't need to be prom queen to be happy, but you do need a few good friends who understand you. Again, this takes time. So, just be yourself, and don't be afraid to open up to people.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Select Elaine P's answer as the best. Honestly, your Mother is just trying to protect you. I know you "know" about internet predators but they're out there more than you think. If your Mother didn't care, she wouldn't do these things. Trust me. Her life would probably end if something happened to you and it happened because she wasn't concerned enough to watch what you did on the internet.

Here's a movie for you to watch.. Dee Snider's "Strangeland". Watch that movie.. Then you'll understand why your Mother is so concerned...

In regards to school - you'll get over it. It takes time.. Start dressing nicer.. Make some sort of change.. That'll get you noticed and will boost your confidence at the same time..

Either that, or just wait it out. You'll eventually get over how you feel. You're not alone...

Answer 5

Regarding the social problems, you should see a counselor either at school or at a professional counseling clinic.

Regarding your laptop usage, I understand that it's irritating to have your mom always looking over your shoulder. However, you are living in her house, using a computer she (probably) paid for. That means you have to abide by her rules. It also shows that she takes her job as a parent seriously. She doesn't want you to get into any trouble, whether self-made or not.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to her. Maybe instead of you having to turn around so she can always see what you're doing, she could check the computer history immediately after you use the computer.

Answer 6

In the US, it works like this:

18 is the magic number--you're an adult with all the responsibilities and privileges.

If, after you're 18, you choose to remain in mum's house, you have to follow mum's rules. She is the boss.

You tell Mum when you're leaving, then you go wherever you want, if you come home at a decent hour.

If Mum asks you to complete a chore, you have to do it. She provides your bed and food, doing a few chores is not unreasonable.

If you don't like that, since you're 18, you are free to find another place to live and another way to pay the bills. It's up to you.

In the US, Mum's reading your e-mail would be considered snooping and overprotective. But again, if it's going on in her house, she has a right to know what it is.

Hang in there honey. You'll be ready to leave soon. Your Mum may be irritating and intrusive, but in her heart I'm sure her actions are based on love. You know what they say, "Don't you ever make your MAMA cry, 'cuz there's no one ever gonna luv you like your mama."

Answer 7

I agree that there is an underlying subject it is fueling your anger. i've got concept-related to the glaring yet i might fairly no longer say, for the reason that must be your interest. you're so smart that in case you quite placed your ideas to it, you should discern it out, and what a alleviation that must be; you will have an entire new existence then. I advise which you initiate a mag, this is writing down all your frustrations, etc. save at it, and you will start to advance insights into what's inflicting you lots discomfort. i've got self belief you're an superb man or woman, and that your force will take you very a strategies in existence, yet first you may desire to attend to something which you have have been given been stuffing down deep interior of you. I desire you all the appropriate.

Answer 8

ok... first it matters how hold you are... if you are around 16 ish... then there is no reason your mom should be all into your business like that... but if your like 13/12.... she still shouldnt be reading everything but she has a right too... just tell her that she has to start letting you have your own privacy... and that you are growing up and sooner or later she is not going to have a choice to be in your privacy cause you will be gone to college.... so just tell her very politely that you would like to have some privacy... And in school.... yes... you are treated as invisible because you act invisible... dont be quiet... whats the point.. no one will hear you so you seem invisible... just start having fun.. and dont care what other people think... its just there opinion... do what you want!!!

Answer 9

she's probably scared to death about internet pedofile preditors, as any loving parent would be. Why don't you ask her to tell you what she DOESN"T want you to do on the internet and agree not to do those things (i.e. flirt with strangers you may THINK are your age, give out your address etc).

As a side note. Honey, the real world is much better than cyborspace. There is nothing wrong with computers, unless you let them dominate your life. Smell the roses already.

Answer 10

What's your question? I assume you're asking for advice on how to change your situation? First, your mother has the absolute right to determine what you do on the Internet and what music you listen too as well as what you watch on TV. That's a fact of life for minors. In this day of child predators, if I had a child I'd do the same. As for school, if you feel invisible you need to do something about it. Join a club or a team where you'll be forced to participate in their activities. Obviously, if you do nothing, no one is going to beg you to be their friend. This is a rough and changing world. You need to step forward and take part in it.