Please take a second to read this and give me your honest advice..?

Question

Okay. So, my husband was acting funny and kind of sneaking to get on the computer all the time. He would tell me he was going to lay down, and get on the computer, or he'd come straight home from work and go straight to the bedroom and get on the computer without even acknowledging myself or our eight month old son. Well, yesterday was our second anniversary. He came home from work, walked RIGHT PAST us sitting on the couch, and came in here to the computer. He mumbled something to me, but no "Happy Anniversary", no kiss, nothing to our baby.. nothing! I was so mad, so when he got off the computer, I checked his myspace and he was sending messages to his ex's sister. There was nothing incriminating in there, he's not a cheater, trust me. BUT, I don't get why he's all sneaky and sh!t. I confronted him about ignoring us, and always getting online to check to see if she had mssged him back, and he got mad and changed all his passwords. I feel like he doesn't trust me, and I thought that

married couples were supposed to share everything. Like, I know people that even share a email acct. but my husband doesn't want me to even be able to log into his? He says he's "Private" and I have no right logging into his stuff and he's so private he'll click out of stuff when I walk in, and delete the history every time he's online. My sister in law, best friends, HIM, my mom, sister.. several people have my passwords. But my own husband doesn't want me to have his. I don't get it. It's not like I log into his stuff all the time, I told him that.. but he was acting shady, and being his wife, I felt I had the right to do a little detective work. IDK, am I wrong.

Please, no cheating comments. That's not happening. The messages were just friendly conversation.. the other girl is married with kids. BUT, why does he feel like he can't come to me and be honest?

No, no porn. He's totally not into that. Trust me. He gets irritated if I pull it up as a joke.. he's really not interested in sex much at all.. and we're only 25..

Answer 1

Hmm...similar thing happened to me.
I went to my husbands work place and asked him to show me his email. He said no initially and when I asked if he had something to hide he showed me (after I told him it was either show me or divorce). There was nothing interesting in there - one email to an ex girlfriend asking after her newborn baby. So, that taught me a lesson.

I think that we all need our space and privacy.
We like to display ourselves to others in a sometimes different way to how we do to our partners. This does not mean he is cheating - maybe he is just a little self conscious of the way he has been interacting with others. I have a private email address that my husband does not have access to and he has his work one that I dont have access to. The key to this working for us is a lot of talking and trust.

HOWEVER, the sudden sneakiness, the desire to get to the computer suggests something to me. I am not saying he is cheating - but I think that there is something that is luring him desperately to that computer and I dont think this is a good sign for your marriage. Maybe he was looking or checking something else. It would make me very uneasy.

Perhaps you need to sit down quietly and tell him that you feel insecure and worried that he feels he has to hide it from you. Also forgetting your Anniversary at such an early stage is not nice. Rather than blame him and be angry just tell him how you feel. eg. I feel rejeected and sad and unloved when you forget our aniversary.



Goodluck

Answer 2

Well this may sound or be a little brutal, but I just have to be honest with you, because that's what I feel you want. An honest unbiased observation.

The computer may just be his escape. You have an 8 month old baby and he's probably just bored with the whole "family" thing.

Personally, I don't have any kids. But it is nothing worst than to be woke up by the sounds of a baby or kids. The crying and the whining. It will change everything in a relationship. I've seen many couples that were in pure bliss. But the moment a baby was brought into the equation, their entire relationship changed. The man would start spending less and less time with the family. Rather it be not coming home or just checking out emotionally.

Sounds like to me the PC is his escape. As far as the privacy is concerned. I kind of feel him on that. I mean d*mn. NO he may not be doing anything, but it's just the principal. He probably feels like you're monitoring him like he's a child, and it probably annoyed the h*ll out him. I know that couples are suppose to share anything, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere, an apparently that's where his has been crossed.

Just let well enough alone. You seemed to be 100% for certain that he's not cheating so just let it be. It def sounds like something is there, and something has changed or else you would've never felt compelled to write about it. The BIG question is WHAT could it be? What is it that has changed, and how far is it going to go? So just be patient, wait, and watch.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I can tell this is really bothering you-not sure if you are living in denial or you just have very good trust with your husband.
You need to talk to him. Reguardless of what he is actually DOING on the PC, you need to find out WHY he is constantly ignoring you and your child. Is it possible that he may be feeling a bit trapped- all men go through those phases, ecpecially at that age. 25 is quite young these days to married with children. Is this girl he talks to in the same boat as him and relates to his situation? Or is she single and living it up and he likes talking to her because it makes him forget about all the responsibility he has.
I completely understand that you want access to his email but if he wants to keep it private, don't nag him about it - he wont change his mind. Try asking him nicely if there is anything he is hiding- perhaps ask if you can look at his emails to put your mind at ease. If there is nothing incriminating then leave it at that and let your mind rest.
Maybe get a babysitter in and take him out for an evening away from the PC. Act like you are two lovers not worry about all the problems you have. Once he is relaxed he may find it easy to open up to you. Men can suffer from PND too- there has been a lot of change for you guys recently, he may be finding it hard to deal with.
Hope you can sort things out, I am happy to help if you need any more advice

Answer 4

Hmm... Well, some people really need some private space, for example I also wouldn't be happy if anyone (whoever) read my mails (although there's nothing compromising or secret there...). Maybe you should respect your husband's decision to change the password. But try to talk to him about those emails, like ask him how's that girl doing or something... Show him that you're not angry, that you just want to know what's going on. Just talk to him and make *him* talk to you.
But I admit that it must be really strange and unpleasant when he ignores you and the kid... even on the day of your anniversary... That's bad.
Is he always writing mails to that girl when he's on the net? Or does he do something else... like playing games or just surfing...? Because he might get kinda addicted on the Internet, this kind of thing happens sometimes.
I hope it will get better soon.
Oh, and happy anniversary! :-¨)

Answer 5

Sounds you really really trust your husband.
I'm sure he's not a cheater, but why does he acting paranoid about his e-mail?
I agree that e-mail is private. but he is too much, like deleting his inbox and sneaking to the computer.
People change, one day he is a good husband, but tomorrow he can be a cheater.
Talk and tell him your feeling about being ignored and stuff, but don't force him to give u access to his e-mail, just ask for explanation.
Good luck, I wish the best for both of you & your baby

Answer 6

I know this is hard. I went through the same thing. Unfortunately, he may be looking for a mistress. If it is something as innocent as a friendly conversation, he would not be paranoid about you seeing what he is doing. I know this is not the answer you wanted, but it's obvious sweetie. If you want to deter his attention- cancel the Internet, don't allow him to get on-line and seek an intimate encounter. Well, good luck with this, and I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 7

I am probably not the best person to answer this question because my marriage is in serious trouble but i can say if i want to talk to ex es i have to do it in private because my wife gets jelouse. Some times guys need to talk to women outside their marriage and the wives dont always like it. I know i hate being checked up on so i would maybe change my password to. Sometimes married couples need time apart like the husband playing golf with his friends the wife going out with her friends maybe this his way of doing that.

Answer 8

Well, come on....He HAS to be doing something to be sneaking around! If he comes home and does not say hi to you or your baby than what do you really expect? That he plays dominoes with her? I honestly smell something foul in your air and you should really look into it....
-And I'm sure that you won't like my answer but nothing is sugar and cream. After a long day of work who says hi to his ex's sister and not to his wife? Who is more important to him? yep...

Answer 9

You are in denial. He is either cheating or looking at porn. No one is that secretive unless he is doing something that he is not supposed to be doing!!