how do i get rid of my psycho husband?

Question

i am caught in a bad relation for 11 years and have an eight year old child. twice or thrice i tried to quit but my husband begs forgiveness and i try to mend ways with him. but he repeats his behaviour in 2 months time. he is neither leaving me nor letting me live peacefully. i am indepedent and a professional.he is highly abusive and suspicious. he claims his love for me and the child but always paints an unpleasant scene in front of him. I am really depressed.

Answer 1

Very funny! Six months back you were a 38 years old married man deeply in love with a female fed up of your stressed married life and proposed to this woman who’s very nice and loving. Your wife left you with your daughter and threatened you of criminal charges. You wanted your daughter so had to give up and bring both of them back. You ditched your girl friend that you loved dearly. You were really feeling guilty; it was initially for the daughter and now for your love. And you asked advice. Now after six months your sex changed you became female are having bad relation with a psycho husband, who is highly abusive & suspicious, he is neither leaving you nor let you live peacefully. After going through both your questions I have gone into depression. It is very difficult for me to decide which one of you are a man being harassed by the wife of a woman being torturing your psycho husband. Please I request you to clarify this first then I will be able to reply this question for you what you should do.

Answer 2

Okay, first the 8-yr-old child. He needs a peaceful loving home, and it's your job as his mother to make sure he gets it. Use his welfare to motivate you to get out of this bad situation. As long as you stay there, he's learning how to be like his father when he grows up, and that is lining him up for a series of unhappy relationships in his own life. You MUST move on for him.

You need some support before you can make a move- either a close girlfriend or a female relative, or go to a female marriage counsellor (not connected to any religion) if you don't have anyone you can confide in. It's actually worth the money to see a counsellor anyway, to make sure you really want to leave and the situation is hopeless (hard to tell from a brief question). A counsellor will help you to get prepared for the next move.

Then you must harden your heart. Write down a list of all the promises he's made and broken, and look hard at it when he AGAIN promises to change, and leave. If he's a violent man you must tell him you're going in company with someone who can protect you, or just go unannounced, and go to a women's refuge with your son until you can resettle.

Keep going to the counsellor until you feel strong enough to get your life back, and keep an eye on your son too. Even 8-yr-olds can benefit from seeing a counsellor after parents break up. MIne did! Yes, I have been there, and now I have my own happy life back.

Answer 3

I believe the reason of you being independent and a professional has got into you a SUPIRIORITY COMPLEX!! Probably you yourself could be the reason why your husband is behaving the way you mentioned and your shut mindset would not let you even think in that angle.

I do not say your husband may be all godly or a saint. Probably he too must be at fault. Would suggest you to take an external help by going to a post marital counsellor.

Its easy to break a marriage but difficult to maintain and cherish one. So would suggest you to keep aside your ego and go to a Counselling Center with your husband and find the root of the problem rather than breaking the marriage and running away.

The thought in you of breaking the marriage rather than solving the problem in your marriage without thinking by doing so you would be abusing your child's life - doesn't this make you too abusive, selfish, selfcentered, narrowminded? Breaking/Divorcing - is it not a destructive mentality, defeat, running away: is this professionalism? Depressed as what you mentioned in yoru question - is another symbol of mental instabilty.

Lady go for a counselling with your husband!! Do not break your marriage if not for anything atleast for the sake of your child's life which you and your husband are responsibly to have brought into this world!! Keep an open mindset to accept if you are at fault and correct the necessary or to help
your husband in correcting his fault if he is the cause.
Note: Its the child - your child who would bear the worst burnt should your marriage fail!!!

Answer 4

Change your mind patterns. These are the reason you have attracted such a person into your life, when you change yourself and ways of thinking, he will probably leave you!! Right now you are on some level meeting a need in each other. You must analyze yourself, change your mind and thought and action patterns. Do not engage with him at all. Just let him exist, to be, but do not get into any kind of real conversation with him. Go about your life. NO MORE ARGUMENTS. Work on yourself and change at a spiritual and existence level. He will get bored and find someone else to abuse.

If this is what you really want you will quickly be free of him.

Answer 5

I think you should make yourself an appointment with a good therapist with regard to your depression. It's hard to make major life decisions when one is depressed. A good therapist will have you see a GP for a work-up to rule out other possible medical conditions too. Then, ask your husband to participate in seeing a therapist for his abusive ways in an effort to save your marriage. But do it sincerely and not in anger. That is, you are putting the cards on the table. If you need medication for your depression, start taking it. If it is all completely due to your husband and his treatment of you, then carefully make your plans to move or to ask him to move. Open a separate bank account, make sure you have enough cash, etc. Separate for the time being.

Answer 6

Best answer right here, he doesn't think you're going to leave now, so you're going to have to give him a bad shock. Leave divorce papers somewhere where you know he's going to look. While he's reading them, you've already relocated somewhere else, but he's going to try to find you. If you decide or he decides to call you, make sure to record all the conversations (not with a cellphone it makes a beeping sound). Most likely he'll make some kind of threat and you can press charges on him or get him locked up in an institution for a bit. Follow up by interjecting police help and he'll literally be at your mercy of incarceration.

Answer 7

Hit the road Jack.. .make a new plan Stan. No need to be coy Roy... you know the song (or do you?). Get out... you're not doing your child any goody by staying there. Staying in an abusive relationship just gets more abusive. He won't grow up... you're already admitted that. Now, be independent.
If he really loves you, tell him to get some help, and if not... adios! That means...good bye.

Answer 8

If you still want to continue you can take him a GOOD COUNSELLORS(psychological counsellors) After taking counselling for three or four months, you can ask him to continue under an agreement (It is called contract in Psychological word)that he will not repeat the same mistake again. Mostly he will be okay This can be cured and I am suggesting this because he loves U and your child. Thanking you. All the best Yours VRVRAO

Answer 9

Dear Sonu,
I understand the trauma you are passing through. But life is
full of challange. If you believe in Geeta, it says-'life is a problem- face it'. It is for every one. Every one has problem of his/her own. Every one is struggling for some thing. So are you and I. Your child is prime consideration at this juncture. He is too little to understand the meaning of Geeta or reality of life. Probably you have given your best to balance in your family. But I don't understand from your informations if you have tried to treat your hubby? It is very easy to quit him and sail for a new venture, but please remember 'grass from distance is always green'. If you continue this relation, your child is infected, if you leave, then also he will search for untold story and may suffer from severe truama.
So, I request you to visit a good doctor, consult him. If possible take the openion of a 2nd doctor, give a try. He may really love you all. His mental condition may be a hurdle to all the peace in the family.
Then assess the result and take a decision with your open
soul and mind.
I wish you good luck in your crusade, may God bless you

Answer 10

Perhaps, the remedy does not lie in getting rid of but in trying to cure if the problem is curable. Getting rid though is straight by seeking legal separation. But, trying to get cured includes counselling either by a Marriage Counsellor or a Psychologist. In Delhi, both exist. The Legal Services Authority with their office in Gole Mkt appears to be doing a commendable job, and it is worth trying in case you are at Delhi.