Hi, My husband and I travel with his job a lot overseas etc. I go along with him sometimes but also sometimes it can be a few months or so before I see him. I'm away with him now and we have had issues before in our marriage but now it seems to be going along smoothly. Except there is hardly any sex, (maybe once every 3 weeks if lucky). I don't try anymore because I don't feel he is interested and I don't want him to try if he doesn't want it. Last night he said I don't act sexy or I don't dress sexy. My underwear are not sexy, I don't know what he wants I buy expensive undergarments and they are never good enough. But he will not guide me to what he feels is sexy, for all I know it might be just plain cotton nickers lol. I miss what we used to have, it's not about the sex it's that I don't feel good about myself and I feel unwanted. Although I'm always kissing him or touching him loving way. What should I do?.
2007-06-19 20:35:51 · 6 answers · asked by angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I tryed to ask him what he likes and i tryed to get him to show me in the shop window and magazines . I myself think it is an excuse!!
2007-06-19 20:49:40 · update #1
Marriages can go through periods like this. It doesn't sound very helpful of him to tell you you are not sexy enough but then give you no clues as to what to do about it. Finding you sexy isn't all about the lingerie you wear. That's only one part of it. After all, you need to be sexy on the outside before you even get to the underwear part.
It could be a number of things. He could be stressed at work, or depressed, or perhaps he has a point about the way you look lately (have you gained weight, or changed in some way?). Or it could be that the spark has fizzled out and you need to either get marriage guidance or rethink what to do. Intimacy is important in a marriage. It can go and still be ok, as long as you know what the underlying problem is. My husband and I have been through bad patches but it's usually related to something specific - problems at work, kids, etc.
You need to find out what is really going on in his head, and if it means having a really frank discussion over this, then you have to do it, even if the outcome is hurtful. If you don't get to the bottom of this, it will never change.
My guess is that this is nothing to do with how sexy you look to him. The problem lies with him somewhere, and you need to find out what is bugging him. Be prepared for the answer, though.
2007-06-19 21:06:37 · answer #1 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are indeed a could considerate wife. Get on line and buy things with him, or take him to a Victorias secret and have him pick, like you said sexy for him could be cotton undies you dont know it could just be you naked or you in a football t-shirt. Sexiness is more an attitude and state of mind, not so much what you have on but it helps. Or you could buy a gift certificate give to him and tell him you want to see what hed get for you. So you miss intimacy more than sex? take a vacation rekindle the romance or you know what surprise him with a nice hot bath together, me and hubby dont do that often but its nice when we do and usually after leads to sex because we are so relaxed and when we soak and talk and laugh it usually leads to sex after. Also after years of marriage my husband said it would help and turn him on and make him feel better about him if i initiated it, so now i do wether it be a kiss , a whisper, a lick or touch its helped a lot for me to initiate it once in a while, plus he might not seem like he wants to but once you warm him up he'll want to or be glad he did after. PS My hubby and I have a great sex life and i couldnt be more statisfied or happy by the emotional and physical pleasure and compatibility we have- its about communicating what we want, its been 5 yrs almost 6 and we still do it 3-4 a week.
2007-06-20 03:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you do have a problem, why not take him to a underwear shop and ask him to pick the undies. let him choose a dress that he thinks is sexy then you will have an idea of what he likes if he does not like shopping for your things < then go with the cotten nickers and ask him if he thinks that is sexy GOOOOOOD LUCK
2007-06-20 03:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like you have to be sexy to you first.
It's more of a confidence issue I think...than you knickers....
How can a woman seduce someone...if she doesn't think she's sexy....
I went through the same thing.....
You have to feel beautiful....
Do whatever you have to do to get that confidence up....
For me it was the body...so I hit the ground running... I look and feel better.... and there's more confidence...
So buy a little black dress....
thongs...
a new swim suit....
a dress you look like a million bucks in....
just something that lets you know you own the room your in...and that nothing is hotter than you baby!!
Then go get your man!
nothing is sexier to a man than feeling like his woman has to have him right then and there... (remember men are all about stroking the ego...) So make him feel like a stud...and you'll be his queen :)
If you aren't confident yet...I say "fake it till you make it"...and you act as if you are the hottest woman in the world....
You are a beautiful person who loves her husband very much...I can tell by your post....
now all you have to do is see how beautiful you are :)
2007-06-20 03:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by beautiful_mind1217 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting a magazine that sells sexy lingerie (Such as Victoria Secret) in it and ask him to pick some things out that he likes. Then plan a nice romantic evening.
2007-06-20 03:44:03 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should specify advice only from people who actually have a great sex life with their spouses.
2007-06-20 03:47:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋