Is it still cheating? We have been best friends for 13yrs. I've been married to an abusive drug addict for 11ys at the age of 18. my soon to be ex and I have two young sons. He is 2yrs older than myself, married to a woman 14 yrs his senior...they have no kids..they have been married 7 years. We did not leave our spouses for eachother..but for problems in our marriages. We have played around a bit, but I refuse to sleep with him until he has made a solid decision that his marriage is over, because if he choses to stay I don't want to get hurt. We both agree that we should have been together 13yrs ago. So is the playing around part still cheating..even though there is no sex involved. I have never asked him to leave his wife for me or put him in the position to make a choice...because if he does, I want to know it is because he is as fed up with his marriage and wants out as badly as I do mine. I have filed for divorce...but he hasn't yet.
2007-06-19 20:00:08 · 10 answers · asked by Destiny 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think "Is it sensible?" is the right question.
It sounds to me as if you are trying to be sensible. But if you both agree you should have been together for the last 13 years - why hasn't he filed for divorce? If he wants to marry you, surely filing for divorce is a no-brainer? Doesn't sound like he's made that "solid decision". Maybe the problems in his marriage are not terminal after all. I don't think YOU are cheating, with a divorce in progress; but HE clearly is cheating, since he hasn't even decided for sure to end his marriage. Think of a relatively happy period during your married life. If at that time, you'd discovered your husband behaving with another woman the way your friend is behaving with you - wouldn't you have called that cheating?
If you intend to wait for his divorce, watch the "playing around". When passions run high, that can easily move on to the next stage.
Best wishes to you both!
2007-06-20 06:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by Husker41 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignorance of ones transgressions is not always bliss. Lying by omission is still lying and often comes back to haunt you. Honesty is the best solution to all problems in a marriage. But, if both husband and wife are Christians then the outcome "should be" total repentance on the part of the adulterer and total forgiveness by his/her spouse. Mat 6: (14) For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. It can be a long difficult struggle to reach that outcome, but hopefully not too long, because we are not guaranteed even one more day before judgment.
2016-04-01 06:47:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, good luck to you whichever way you choose to go. be sure your relationship is about you two. Not rebounding, you deserve to be loved for who you are, not because your better than someone else. Since you have been good to yourself so far, keep up the good work. your children will learn from your decision, how they should treat relationships. the commitment to yourself and your children is commendable. Hard to find in todays society. Being true to your heart is not cheating. Addiction, Abuse or Adultry are just cause for divorce. You are Justified, being fed up with other behavior weighs on his committment. If none of the above are present in his relationship, how long till he is fed up again. Be good to you first.
2007-06-19 20:28:58 · answer #3 · answered by sllyjo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion if the marriage is not over then yes it is cheating. If this is against your morals then let him know and see what happens. If he has any intentions of ending his marriage he needs to just go ahead and do it; so everyone can get on with thier lives. Once again ... opinion only. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-06-19 20:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by ladylupus1965 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I'm sorry to tell you this, but he won't ever leave his wife. So yes, you are playing a part in his adultery. All he wants from you is sex, even though you haven't had sex yet. As soon as you do, if you do, he will become very hard to find. My advice is to move on, find a man who really loves you.
2007-06-19 20:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sorry to say but yep that still cheating and even though he isnt leaving her for you he dont sound like he has made his mind up because otherwise he would be gone from her there is something holding him there money love something so be careful cause just as you had him to talk to because you marriage wasnt great he has you and her and sometimes its not always what they say so be careful
2007-06-19 20:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by PAM d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are very wise not to sleep with him until he actually does file for divorce and everything is out in the open. Stick at it and don't get hurt.
The mistake women often make is give in to secrecy waiting for him to make up his mind.
Don't do that.
Trust me - I did the same and wouldn't sleep with my man (now my husband) until he divorced. If he really wants you he will work fast at this.
Good luck!
2007-06-19 20:09:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is still cheating, until the BOTH of you have final decrees of divorce you are BOTH still married and you are cheating on those marriage.
2007-06-19 20:27:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when my boyfriend and I got together we were both still married but had been seperated for years him because he had no clue where his ex was and me because I was raising my daughter alone and couldn't afford it I feel if your divorced in your heart then it's ok to start a new life.
2007-06-19 20:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a smart lady, keep waiting until you are both divorced.
Doc
2007-06-19 20:17:53 · answer #10 · answered by Doc Hudson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋