Am I a bad person?

Question

This "friend" has always had the habit of saying whatever she has on her mind, good or bad. *you don't exactly want to hear you're a whore just because you kissed a guy do you?* I let it all slide though, 'cause there were a few qualities about her that were nice.
But she started saying bad things about my family. I couldn't take that. I mean, when she wasn't there they were, ok? So... I told her, I really didn't want to be friends anymore. We have different lifestyles, morals, families, veiws... I'm afraid if we tried to be friends any longer we would only end up huring oursleves.
I guess I never realized how much she really liked me though *well, it's not like she ever really showed it often*, but later, I realized from other people's reports, that she's been sulking a lot more than usual.
I never ment to be a *****, I was just tired of beinmg insulted all the time. But I don't want her to totally mean. I feel bad. What should I do? Am I a bad person?

Answer 1

You are not a bad person. You have certain needs (to be liked, respected, and valued for who you are), and your former friend does not fulfill these needs. More to the point, you have made the judgement call that her good qualities do not outweigh her negative ones, which is a skill all adults must develop at some point. Sometimes people really do grow apart.

We all have to learn to communicate in ways that benefit the people around us. Your former friend isn't there yet, and hopefully she will learn from this experience and become a better, more sensitive person.

Depending on how long she has been behaving like this, give her a few months to reflect on her behavior and its results. Then, provided she treats you with dignity and respect, you can offer to be her friend again (if that is what YOU want). After that, if it is still a hopeless situation, wish her well, and go your separate ways. You will have done everything you reasonably could to salvage the relationship, and so, will have absolutely no cause for feeling bad.

Answer 2

I don't think you're a bad person - though I myself would have sat down an explained how you were feeling and what she was doing that was making you feel that way. Perhaps she could have changed her ways. You might want to say to her you didn't want to hurt her feelings, but you were straight up tired of letting her talk about your family like that.If you do decide to talk to her, don't pity her and don't be sympathetic. Be honest and talk to her like an adult, not like she's a child. Use 'I' sentances. Beginning a sentance with 'you' can make it seem like you are accusing her of something and can lead to arguments, sometimes turned physical. If you don't want to talk things through, I wouldn't blame you. Remember though - Don't treat her like she never did something wrong or that what she said was appropriate or she'll begin to think she can act like that to everyone and they'll never take it offensive. However, you should at least tell her what she did wrong so she can stop, unless you already did than, congrats! She needs to stop acting like a baby and grow up then. If you explained why you don't want to be friends, maybe she wouldn't, A, take it so personal, or B, stop. If you were dissing her family, she wouldn't want to hang around you very much either I assume, so she should realize it's the same way with you.

Answer 3

Have you told her how you feel about what she says? Ever?
You should have done that first.
You should have talked to her and told her that some of the things she says are hurtful.
She sounds like a real friend and I think you should approach her once more. Try to rekindle the relationship.
You made a choice based on what you thought was best and that doesn't make you a terrible person.
Like I said, you should really talk to her and let her know exactly how you feel. If you become friends again, then you two need to work out a system where if she says something that insults you, you tell her immediately what you think.
It's lack of communication that can destroy any relationship.

Answer 4

No you are not a bad person.If she was your true friend then she wouldn't say bad things about your family...and insult you all the time.Don't feel bad.There are always other friends out there that will treat you good and be there for you.I mean some people just never change.And if you really want to be friends with her again then just sit down with her face to face privately and tell her how you feel...if she doesn't listen then just forget about her.I no how you feel I am going through kinda the same thing with one of my friends.Well I hope this helps.Don't let someone ever bring you down.I hope you and your "friend" can work things out soon.

Answer 5

No, I don't think you are a bad person, however, have you spoken to your friend bout how much it hurts you to hear her put you and your family down? How much does this person mean to you? If you really like her except for the nasty comments than I would speak to her about it and give her limits, Tell her right out what is off limits when she is with you. That should stop her in her tracks if she values your friendship. Now, how much do you value her friendship?? Do not allow anyone, and I do mean anyone, to hurt you or make you feel bad about who you are. A true friend loves you just as you are. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable you do not need that person in your life. Life has enough ups and downs we do not need anyone in our life to help make us feel worse. So it is up to you, think about it. How long have you two been friends??? Is she a good friend or just an acquaintance??? Pick your friends wisely. A friend who trashes you and your family is not a friend at all. A true friend will not hurt you.. All they will ever do is love you and make you feel happy !!!!! Think about it for a while and do not worry about her feelings it sounds as tho she isn't worried about yours.... Good luck. I hope my advice helps you make the best decision for you not her..:) Chin Up !!!!!!!

Answer 6

Actually I think you showed a lot of restraint. People can say a bad word about me occasionally and I'll eat it. I'm not perfect after all. But say something about my wife or son and it's over!!!
She's sulking? Let me tell you you did her a favor. If you were to start doing the same to her do you think she'd like it? No. She'd probaly blow up. Some times the only way for someone to grow up is to get smacked upside their head.
One sign of an adult is treating others with respect. Till she learns that the both of you (especially you) are better off apart.

Answer 7

Your not a bad person at all. You were defending yourself and your family, it's what you should do. For example: My sister had this friend, whom she invited to a family dinner at my grandparents house. You know, grandma cooks and makes a big deal about it? Well my grandma made a family recipe that is really good. My sister's friend took one look at it and say 'What the heck is that? I looks so gross!' My grandma was standing right there. To be honest it wasn't gross, she just didn't want Tuna Casserole. People being rude and insulting others doesn't make them good friends. Your friend probably feels bad because she now realizes exactly how she lost you as a friend and it's not your fault...it's hers. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Answer 8

Your not a bad person. Everyone just has their limits. If you know the way your friend likes to express herself why hold it against her when she did what she always does? What I am trying to say is problems are solved talking about things not cutting that person out of your life. If she didnt mean much to you or you didnt think the friendship was worth it you wouldnt feel bad. Do you inderstand what I am trying to say?

Answer 9

You're not a bad person. If you liked her enough, and she didn't mean to be badmouthing your family, then try being friends again. Just be up front with her, and explain that your family is important to you. Tell her you don't appreciate her talking bad about them, andf quit calling you a whore. If she can't do that, then forget her.

Answer 10

No you are not a bad person. you maybe should have talked to her first and given her a few chances, but we all make mistakes. And it's ok to tell her that you might have made a mistake by not giving her the chance to change. But now that you have told her, tell her you would like to try again. It will be hard, but what do you have to loose?
And girl there are worse people in the world then you lol!