My husband does not under stand me..he criticizes everything i do..?

Question

My husband just does not understand me.. I told him before we got married i came from a screwed up family..and they are, But as a christian i try to forgive them. I tried to tell him to think twice before marryin.He was raised in church with a devoted mother and father. I raised myself. My father died of cancer when i was 7 yrs. My mother is and was a whore not to metion CRAZY!! My mother left the town when i was 12yrs my older brother took me and raised me the best he could he was only 18 at the time. He was killed in a car wreck when i was 16 and i took care of myself. later i found out our daddy wasn't even our real father, but my husband to be a christian(?) is so self centered. He talks terrible to me and critizes everything i do. He wants everything done a certain way but does not want to do it himself. I recently went back to college with a GED ( i had to quit in the 7th grade) and all i have heard is that i'm stupid and can not do it Although the lowest grade i have made is a C

I am going to school with a two yr old and four yr old.We have had so many problems i can't even to begin to describe. But i want my kids to have the family life i did not have.

Answer 1

Good for you! Do what you can to give your children the life you never had. You had a very sad, sorry childhood. I'm surprised you aren't permanently down and depressed. You are a STRONG woman. Good again!!! Is it possible for you to put up a "wall" when hubby starts in on you? If you can, it will work. I learned how to put up my walls and tune him out. You start believing them after they constantly drum crap into your head about how bad you are, and what kind of a disappointment you are to him. Your never good enough, cant clean or cook good enough, aren't a good mother, etc, although hubby and the children are big and strong because of all the home made dinners and clean dishes. Put the wall up and tune him out. This is how I survived for years. I wish you all the luck in the world babe. You are a rare one. God Bless

Answer 2

Good for you going back to school you are not stupid for wanting to better yourself. My husband acts the same way about me even though I took the test and passed he said I wouldn't of been able to do it if I were a man he doesn't have a GED or diploma I went to college and he said the same thing I clean the house and it's not good enough the kids playing with their toys makes him crazy I just wanted to tell you to not worry about what he says you can do it prove him wrong

Answer 3

Your husband is an abuser. Abusers are drawn to people with traumatic pasts because they are generally easier to manipulate and control. And adults who were traumatized as kids frequently and unconsciously recreate traumatic or abusive situations.

The constant put-downs are not a lack of understanding. He understands how to control you, or at least he did. When you show some independence, it's very threatening to his ego, so he very likely responds by increasing the emotional abuse to show that he still has power. It's a dangerous situation, and I don't think it's going to get better if he doesn't get treatment. Paying him back in kind will only escalate the situation.

Answer 4

Not having had a stable life, I'd guess you chose the wrong man to be with. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of, you sound like you are learning from your past and working really hard to make a positive life for yourself and your children.

Most people are self-centered and being religious does not absolve them of that trait. You should talk to him and possibly seek counseling to work on the marriage. If he doesnt see it as being important, then you need to figure out how you want to live your life.

But it sounds like you are a survivor and I have faith you'll accomplish your goals and eventually be happy. Best of luck.

Answer 5

Ok first i have to ask how old r u? And good for u about going back to school. It sounds like your hubby is older than u is that true? If so then he's only acting as ur father sorry to say...he is dominating u becuz of ur lack of family support....Believe me if u were abled to have ur dad around he would think twice abou mistreating u. Dont let the lack of family make u depend on him.......grow up and be honest and open and true to urself first...then him

Answer 6

You wrote an essay about your family, not your marriage - that should tell you something. What does it have to do with him critisizing you - you are shifting from the problem to something you can blame. I dont get it, I dont have to. You do.

Maybe you should focus less on the first one and more on the second one if you want to keep it.

Just because your family is screwed up doesnt mean you have to act that way - you didnt sign a contract.

Just a couple of ideas

Answer 7

I think he is crazy for putting you down after everything you have fought through to make it this far you should be commended and have a good backing especially from your husband. Sounds to me like he is taking you for granted and has to put you down to make himself feel better. You are better then that and you deserve greatness, don't waste your life being put down. Strive for more and make yourself want more then what he can offer you.

Answer 8

Your husband sounds like a control freak, and is using insults to keep your self-esteem rock bottom. He's probably upset that your trying to better yourself by going to school. He doesn't want what is best for you...

he's twisted and mean....you deserve better than that. And you don't have to believe the ugly things he is saying...he wants you to...but you don't have to.

Keep doing what your doing to help yourself....

Answer 9

Patience and prayers, will give you strength and luck to tide over the present problems: everything will be ok, in good time, in due course! Good luck!

Answer 10

Your husband is a REAL JERK. A REAL MAN DOES NOT PUT DOWN HIS WOMAN EVER. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. HE NEEDS TO CHECK HIS SELF.