Thoughts on this philosophical poem??

Question

It's actually just the 1st part of a longer poem I wrote...

to the unborn eye, all is seen
to the unborn mind, none is known
through the born child’s eye
the mind will grow
for seeing is knowing
and knowing is growing.

thank you hello goodbye for understanding my philosophical 1st line(or at least enjoying it).. ha.

and next person: I wrote this before Snow just so you know i havent stolen their lyrics. Incredible song though.

thats alright artflood. A poetry teacher (with a PhD in poetry) i had last year requested that it be published in the school's Student Writing Publication. That was the full poem though.

Continue with your type of poetry writing, I'll stick to mine.

Answer 1

i think it is a beautiful poem. it really got my mind stirring haha. i especially like "to the unborn eye, all is seen." genius! and i agree with "seeing is knowing and knowing is growing."

Answer 2

it is an absolutely terrible poem - the thought and intention is good, but it's too wordy - a poem is NOT an outpouring of whatever you feel - here's what a poem is - it's a SNAPSHOT - but instead of using a camera to take a photograph -you are using words to make the picture. IT's like capturing a breath.
A lot of people won't tell you this - and you can spend many years studying poetry before you learn this simple truth. I didn't want to insult your poem, but it's terrible, and there's no othe way around it.
I'm sorry.

Answer 3

Oh yes darling one has to agree with Art_flood. It is quite impossible to write or appreciate poetry without having first spent the greater part of ones life attending the appropriate univesity lectures and studying endless volumes of pompous reruns of Humpty Dumpty. How else would one ever gain the life experience to pen appropriately pompous prose? So sorry to have to tell it like it is, but it`s for your own good that expert critics like myself and Art_flood grace your forum. I would also like to take this opportunity to furnish you with an appropriately 2 dimensional analogy of what poetry is all about:

rite a poem make it rime
if it sounds like biron it will be fine
if its not the same as wot I`ve herd
it must be a steaming turd

Answer 4

You know how this is, Kennyk. Continue writing, just how you made it in College, studying your physics, getting being expertised in the field. Be constant and don't mind, the first ones will be horrible, and the seconds too, even the thirds will be awful, but someday, after struggling with the words and the feels, you will be a great poet. Remember Leo Da Vinci.

Answer 5

I see your poem as quite metaphysical, reminiscent of my own philosophical orientation.

The entity (aka soul) has greater awareness than the individual in a physical incarnation. That awareness is typically held in abeyance when the child is born into a particular physical existence.

We choose our lifetimes for the lessons we need to learn from them.
§

Answer 6

I don't get the first line. what do you mean by the unborn eye seeing?

Also, this poem doesn't seem too philosophical.

Answer 7

hi Sam, TY for the seem see invite. i think of you provided this nicely, I examine one line i could substitute slightly, yet no biggie, in easy terms a concept-approximately mine. In a manner I kinda ask your self too as Neon could, in case you experience serenity is interior of your carry close, or is being spoken of with a bit of luck, or if that is considered as idyllic, yet remarkable? the line i could substitute some is L 3. "searching for a feeling of readability" merely sayin. stable write in spite of everything.

Answer 8

I don't know what you're trying to express through your poem, but I felt good reading it. Keep up the good work man.

Answer 9

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go... hey oh

you just reminded me of that song and I can't think now about another answer...

Answer 10

The first two lines are unusual. The rest gets better. Keep at it.