How can I get my husband interested in sex?

Question

We have been married for seven years. We are young(30).
I am pretty (he tells me all the time). I'm not fat. Although is affecting my self-esteem because I don't feel wanted. I know he is not cheating I know what he does 24/7. I know he loves me. He takes good care of me in everysingle way except in bed. We probably have sex like once a month. He gets offended when I have mention he should go to a doctor, or he should try Viagra. Please help.

Answer 1

first find out whether his disinterest in sex is a result of some other problem. depression hits hard and a lot of people cover it well - especially proud men (the kind who get offended when you suggest they see a doctor).

if he's all good that way, i'd say you need to start making sex enjoyable for him. initiate it, make it all about him, give give give and don't ask for anything in return. remind him how much he needs you in the bedroom. once you've done that, you'll get yours eventually. hate to put it so bluntly, but you need to make sex worth the effort for him.

Answer 2

After 12 years of marriage I understand how hurtful this problem can be. It's devastating since this is a very personal facet of yourself and your relationship, so when they turn you down it's very painful.

The first thing I wonder is how he acts during the once-a-month'ers? Does he seem to enjoy it or act like it's his duty? Do you kiss any more? It's important!

Assuming he enjoys it thoroughly, consider that every guy is different, and he may have a generally lower libido (you'd know based on the history of your marriage). He may be tired all of the time, which happens sometimes to guys who are overworked. Other guys I know say they feel sex too much work since foreplay is kind of a chore to the unenlightened (smart guys know foreplay pays off!). If he's a heavy drinker, smokes a lot or does drugs, this will also affect libido. He might also be bored with a routine, or same scenario (like if you always give the same signals when you're interested).

If he's a conservative or repressed kind of man, in my opinion a porno flick or too strong of a seduction will probably turn him off. I'd start by seeing if he would go out with you somewhere. Hopefully you find social drinking okay, since a little alcohol will help to release his inhibitions. Plus, having him around new people often helps loosen everyone up since it breaks the monotony. I would also watch to see if he notices other women. All men notice (some gawk more than others), so if he doesn't look at all, that would raise a big, red flag to me.

Think back to dating... if you pass him anything - mac and cheese, or a beer if you're out, let him see cleavage. Put perfume in your hair. Touch him any time you can. Look at him slowly, work your way up, and smile. If serious (but no-pressure) flirting doesn't work, talk about it. Explain that you're lonely physically and that you miss this part of your relationship. Tell him you want to help work through it and don't be defensive if he tells you things you don't want to hear.

Try a few ideas, but if the home remedies don't work, I'd call a therapist and I wouldn't waste time. There are too many good and willing men around, and (if it were me) the marriage would be in jeopardy or at least I'd be fighting serious temptation. Marriages need physical intimacy. Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 3

Well, there could be a couple things going on here. If he used to be frequently interested in sex and suddenly isn't, then he should indeed see a doctor. There could be a number of things from depression to a lower level of testosterone that could lead to his lack of libido. Btw, Viagra will not be the answer...while it can help those with erection problems, it does not affect libido -- in other words it can make him able to have sex if he physically can't, but it won't change whether he wants it or not.
On the other hand, if this disinterest in sex has been going on pretty much for your whole relationship, it may be that he could have a medical issue, but it is also very possible that you just have very different sex drives. It's not unheard of for men to just 'not be interested'. If this is the case, you need to communicate with him, be honest about how you both feel and find compromises that you can both live with.

Answer 4

Everybody has different sex drives.
First check the computer and make sure that he isn't a porn addict.
If it's just low sex drive...try direct stimulation softly when he's lying naked in bed at night or in the morning.
I don't think too many guys will turn a woman down once they begin to get aroused.
He doesn't need viagra unless he has erectile disfunction. Viagra does not increase sexual desire, just makes it possible to be sexual for guys who have problems.
He's probably the more romantic type of guy that needs to feel closer to you to get aroused, much like women do.
Hopefully you can increase it at least to once a week...
and be glad that you don't have guy that ONLY thinks with that smaller brain...you could be far worse off with someone with a higher sex drive you know.

Answer 5

Perhaps trying something new and exiting may get the mood started*
Put on some sexy dancing music, wear sexy lingerie...give him a lil show before candle lit supper and strawberry dessert*..
have a shower together, or seduce him in a different place of the house* Something exciting and unexpected*

If this doesn't work...you'll need to sit him down and ask him is something bothering him , work, at home?, you've tried everything and you now feel it's affecting how you feel about yourself. Tell him you need him to be honest so you both can work through this. Sometimes if men are taking medication for anything..this can affect their sex drive also* But at 30 he should still be raring to go*
GoodLuck*

Answer 6

First, never mention he should see a doctor. That is bad for the ego.

Second, have you talked to him about interests. What would he like you to do.

I have been married for 11 years and there has been dry spells. Maybe you two are hitting a dry spell. If you dont mention it then it will pass

Answer 7

once a month is not normal.

He is letting his ego be more important than his relationship. If he truly values you and the relationship, then he will have to swallow his pride and get started on dealing with this problem.

Be very very patient. Men are taught that THEY are the ones sexually in charge and it's sometimes a real pain to get them to understand that it's a two-way street.

If things get really bad, I suggest sleeping seperately. Or maybe even a trial seperation. He's going to have to decide whether his pride is more important or his marriage.

Answer 8

Come and see me, i'll fix you up :p

j/k

I think you probably need to go see a sex therapist yourself first, to ask for a way to approach this. You dont want to keep pestering him about it, or about attending therapy. See what they suggest first, then take it from there.

They say variety is the spice of life... and by that i dont mean variety of men! i mean variety in your sex life WITH him.

Answer 9

That sucks.

Maybe try lingerie, throw on a porn, talk dirty to him on the phone, ask him his fantasies. If that doesn't work and he won't go see the doctor, I don't know what to tell ya. Just don't cheat. Is he on any medication that lowers his drive?

Answer 10

i think that you need to be agressive and spice things up!!

some ideas: you need to start teasing him. massaging each other is a great way to get the sensations flowing. you could also dance for him, dress up for him. wearing skirts and bending over for him. play hard to get also.. milk it. sometimes the best part of sex is the anticipation of it so build up the drama.



he will love it!