Please help?...?

Question

I'm 17 years old and everything in my life is f*cked up.

When I was 14 I was in a car crash and I was told I would never walk again. I can walk but I have permanent injuries and I can't go and do anything I enjoy or play any sports anymore.

When I was 15 I was sexually abuse and raped by a friend of mine. Then 6months later I was sexually abused again by a family friend.

I've moved around so much and been to so many different schools. I only have one true friend and i'm pushing him away.

My parents were divorced when I was 3 and my mum told my Dad he wasn't allowed to see my brother or I again. My mother re-married and abusive gambler/alcoholic and my mum now emotionally abuses me.

I do really well at school, that's all I have. Everyone thinks I can handle my life fine but I can't.

I've lost many friends to suicide and not been there to say goodbye.

I have all these secrets and no one to tell them to. My family have such high expectations of me too.

What can I do?

I am all out of options. I've tried counselling and anti-depressants and i've had no results. I'm 17 and still at high school not at university yet. My mother is emotionally abusive, I do have a laptop because my father has a trust fund for me and my brother. I live in New Zealand. Last year 13teenagers killed themselves between October and January. Two teenagers from my city killed themselves last weekend.

Obviously you don't suffer from any disabilities or any form of abuse. It isn't that easy just to simply forget it.

Answer 1

Wabby my friend I think the first thing you should do is give yourself enormous credit (not just token credit) for getting to where you are now.

Yes we are a product of that which happens to us but also, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I suppose you know I am involved in the human services field so I see a lot of people in similar situations to that you have described.

So rule number one is that you're not a victim you are a survivor. Sexual predators are everywhere Wabby, friends, uncles, scout leaders, police ... and on it goes. They do what they do for their own reasons. You have already defeated those people trying to hurt you because you are (for a start!) courageous enough to talk about it. Predators don't enjoy those they have attacked drawing positive energy from their deeds. The most powerful thing I ever saw was a rape trial where the victim stared at her attacker all through the trial. In the end he blubbered and cried in the witness box and the big judgey-wudgey to make the nasty lady stop staring at him. Hee hee.

Pick yourself up Wabby (there! I just sent you a huge virtual hug!!!) Look adversity right in the eye, beat your chest and scream out that you're here, you're alive, and people’s piddly attempts to crush your spirit have failed and in fact made you strong, very strong.

You have so much to offer, you have a deep understanding of structural disadvantage, you know what it means to be humiliated then get back up and start slugging it out again.

You're a hero Wabby and if you give yourself a chance you will eventually achieve like a hero. Keep at it, yeah!

Answer 2

Uumm, I give you my opinion about this message first. . I don't mean to be rude and hope you don't mind but I will be frank.Firstly, you seem to be very brave to write this out for the public to see. Either that or you are doing your psychology homework. Secondly you come from a abusive family and you have a internet connection with a computer. Did you type this in school? Thirdly, how come so many of your friends are commiting sucide. Did you come from Sri Lanka or something where suicide rates are high or did you make friends at a place where people have a lot of negative feelings.

Okay, assume all this is true, here is my advice. Let's talk about your disability. Perhaps you should change what you enjoy and do something else. Sports is one way of fun, there are many other ways, even through work.

About you being sexually abused. Its done, hate the person, then get on with life. Its one of those bitter lessons that everyone will get except that it comes in different forms. Think through what could have been avoided and get precautions in case the incident is attempted by someone else again.

For your friend, try intiating a hi to him instead of him to you first. Its at least the 1st step you are trying to accept him and he will know it. You could tell him your secrets.

Now for your family life. Try expressing your feelings IN WORDS FIRST and if it does not work try again and again until you are tired, then stop.

For your sucidal friends, talk to them and try to give them something worthwhile in life.

Is your mother emotionally abusing you through high expectations. Remember, no one can make you sad except yourself.

Something else I read in a motivational poster.( the rough phrasing)"You may think whether it can be done or not. Either way, you will always be right."

Gd luck. : )

Answer 3

Hi,

First of all I want to say that I'm really sorry these things happened to you in such a small space of time. I can imagine this is all very difficult to deal with. My only advise is to talk to a professional like a psychologist or a school counsellor. I know you live in NZ too, just to let you know ACC can cover counselling for sexual abuse so it wouldn't cost you anything.

I hope that helps. All the best

Answer 4

It's great that you are doing so well in school. I believe you are sort of person who can acheive any goal in life. I have had a some how silmilar life except for the sexual affair. my parents were divorced when I was 8 and my mom had to work outside. I was grwon under the emotional cruelty of my grandmom and uncles (and i always felt sexually threatened). It was so bad that it makes me nervous when I think about it again now at the age of 26.
One day I decided that I have the ability to overcome evertything that goes in my life. I kept as far away as possible from grandmom and uncles, and just sticked to my courses. studied as hard as possible. I always was the best student in town.(total average 19.80 out of 20). now I am independent, working as a computer software engineer and I'm getting my MSc while teaching in a university as a university instructor.

My darling, as you mentioned, people are not reliable, don't seek for friends, try to be as independent as possible. you need yourself and your own helping hands and kind caring heart. I believe every person has got the ability to make their lives better. just set your goals of life, get the desire and go for them.straight and decisive!
I'm definitely sure you will succeed.
If you believe in God, seek help, trust Him and go thru the life.
Good luck my very self!

Answer 5

What better way is to write them on a piece of paper. Ever little detail of what happened to you and what you want to forget. Then tear it up or burn it and with that, release yourself from the emotions that you felt towards it. You can shout if you want.

I think you feel so fed up with everything that you have experienced and with people thinking you're okay, you are left with the option to repress it in you. I felt that way too, months ago. The pressure was too intense, I would find myself crying over a funny movie.

Let yourself free from stress by putting it all behind you. The sexual thing? I experienced that too, many times anybody can imagine but then I placed it behind me and I decided not to let it define me.

Pursue the things you are good at, but make sure you like it too. Enjoy life and appreciate things. You can do it.

I believe in you!

if you need someone to talk to, chat with me

ym: coolblueacid

God Bless!

Answer 6

I hope talking about it here is of some help, each of us have our own view on how to help you.
It may be a sentence from one person, and a sentence from another that will help you to move through life.
At only 17 you have got a lot of life ahead, so you need to put it behind you. I know that must be hard just now, but you seem to like school work, so focus there.

Answer 7

Consider, writing a novel based on your experiences. It could be written in the third person, from the point of view of the central character, i.e., a character base on you. It would be an opportunity, to record your emotions and thoughts in a detached sort of way. It would be a creative form of journalling, allowing you to step back, and look at your life. It would be a way, for you to be your own counselor.

Answer 8

I think you are doing the right thing with your life right now.
Education is is the most important thing in your life right now so continue to do your best.
I was emotionally upset as a young man but nothing like your going through, I'm so sorry.
All the best and as my old girl would say "be strong".

Answer 9

well you know you have to be your self and talk to your mother bout it. or some one in your family.i mean we are out of school now so why dont you call up your dad and talk to your mom and ask her to let you stay with your dad.or stay at a friends house so you can think and get your facts right where you want them

Answer 10

Tell somebody you trust... aka your one true friend. You'll feel a lot better after you open up. Keep on surviving, cause you know when life gives you lemons.............