How should my husband and I handle this email he just got?

Question

My husband and I both have a myspace account to keep in touch with friends and family. He just got this message today:
you don't remember me but we met at a bar in sherman, years back. i don't know how to say this or tell you, but i do need to talk to you and your wife. i'm not trying to start anything, i don't want anything from you. so if you will please contact here and if its ok with your wife we all need to talk.please contact me or your wife can contact me like i said i don't want anything from ya'll, but it is very important that one of yall contact me. thank you april
He says he doesn't know this woman. I have asked some friends if they know her and I found out that she was (in their opinion) a slut when she was younger and a trouble maker. The only thing that keeps popping into my head is that she is going to say that my husband got her pregnant years ago, and he is the father of her child. I don't know what to think.

I'm not really worried that it would be about a disease or something, cause we have a child together so I have already been through all those tests before. He still swears he has no idea who this woman is, and that he never slept with her. My friend who knew her warned me that she tried to pin a pregnancy on her husband back about 13 or so years ago. If this is what she is doing, how on earth could a woman get pregnant by some one night stand, which is what it would have to be or he would remember being in a relationship with her, and then wait 7-8 years later to tell the guy, AFTER he has gotten married and started a family with his wife?

I have already got ideas swimming in my head about this email. I am so upset, my head is pounding right now. He is swearing that he never slept with this woman, and doesn't even know her. We have been married for 5 years and together for longer than that, so if it were true, it would have happened about 8 years ago or so. Honestly, I love him, but I don't know if I can handle this if that is what she is going to say to us. I have always been the type to fight for my marriage, but how do you deal with something like that?

Answer 1

FRETTING WILL NOT SOLVE ANYTHING AND ASKING US WILL NOT EITHER. GO AHEAD, MAKE CONTACT AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

She cannot pin a child where the DNA does not support it. She could be dying or something and wants to see if he will take HIS child. She may be going down a list to see who the daddy is? Or, it may not have anything to do with a previous pregnancy. Stop fretting and just find out..PLEASE, I AM SO CURIOUS MYSELF, SO, IF YOU WOULD. POST WHAT SHE WANTED WHEN YOU FIND OUT. THANKS.

Answer 2

Well, I know what I would do, I would contact her! I don't think I would be able to just forget the e mail, and would need to know what is so important that she needs to contact BOTH of us. You are sure that it cannot be about any disease, so at least your mind is at rest with that. Perhaps she is trying to run a pregnancy scam. If this is the case, she can pay for a paternity test to prove that your husband is the father. If she was such a **** all those years ago, she could not possibly know for sure who the father is anyway, and would have to be able to prove it to me! What I would like to know is, if she is so sure that your husband will not remember her, why is it that she remembers him so well, and why hasn't she contacted him before?Obviously, you and your husband will have to decide between the two of you what you are going to do, but as I said, I would find out what it is that she feels is so important. Maybe phone her, and keep your number hidden. Make arrangements for the three of you to meet in a public place, and hear her story. If you don't, I get the impression that she is just going to carry on sending e mails.

Answer 3

So here's what I'd be doing hon. Have him contact the female in question---not you. You stay out of it except to support him, keep his six covered.
IF she's says " I had your baby"-----his reply should be ONLY to say this: "get a paternity test. I'll supply the DNA, no problem". THAT'S IT. No other conversation AT ALL.
If her response is "fine. Be XXXXX on XXXX day and time."
Then his only response will be: "I'll be there with bells on."

At that point, you BOTH go in together. You must provide a united front on this.
Having a paternity test done will prove that your husband did NOT have an affair, and he did NOT produce this child.


Sounds like she's fishing around for money to get for this baby/child.....a dispicable thing, not to mention shameless.


My advice to you personally: don't let this female get to you. It's a mindgame that some females play---usually for no reason or because they want money.


But first and foremost---paternity test must be done. This way you can put this behind you. :)

Answer 4

See what she wants, without divulging your home address or phone number. If she is a wacko, you don't want her to turn into a stalker or something. One thing you need to keep in mind here, because I think you are making a huge mistake. Since you have no reason to NOT trust your husband, and since you have been warned that the mystery woman might have a few loose screws, I think you need to give you husband the benefit of the doubt. Instead of giving him the third degree, why not cool it and show that you trust him? You really have absolutely no concrete reason not to so far. And keep in mind that she is claiming the time frame is "years back." Even if there is anything to it all (I have my doubts--she sounds like a nut,) it could have happened BEFORE you were married. My wife and I have a longstanding agreement that since neither of us were exactly pure as snow when we got married, that everything that went on before we got married is water under the bridge. Good luck, and don't let this person bug you so much. Chances are she's a nut.


Kent in SD

Answer 5

I would simply ignore the email. If your husband says nothing happened with this woman, then nothing happened with her. There's no way he can have any kind of disease from her, and there's no way she can have a child of his. Trust your husband on this one, ok?

Also, there are better ways to keep in touch with friends and family than a myspace page. Is there anyway you can make it private, so that only those you invite to see it can see it, and contact you from it? I'm always very wary of anything that's up and open on the internet--any fool can figure out enough to pull something like this. I'd bet my bottom dollar this is some kind of hoax--this woman is up to no good.

Answer 6

Dont respond. SOunds like there is a high liklihood she is mentally unstable and enjoys the drama of starting stuff.

The only reason that is legitimate is a) STD/disease or b) kid.

Since A) is ruled out by tests taken since your marraige, that one is eliminated.

IF it were b) let her file a paternity suit. The truth would come on then.

She might say she got pregnant and gave it up for adoption though.

But if your husband swears he never slept with her, then don't feed into her drama. Just dont contact her at all. Ignore it. And block her on myspace (assuming you can).

Answer 7

She sounds like a "Sik Puppy" to me and the first thing i thought of was she's gonna try & pin a pregnancy on your husband! I'd say ignore her but by the sounds of it she'll probably keep contacting you worse luck. I think you'll have to reply to her and ask her what it's all about but don't let whatever she says come between you & your husband cos if the 2 of you stick together you can beat her at any cruel game she throws at you. If she says she's had a child to him make her pay for the paternity test and just don't let her "con" you! Let's face it she's had past experience at trying to wreck peoples lives!
Good Luck~~~

Answer 8

Are you absolutely certain that this isn't some anon pestering random people on myspace? If not, then to be honest, I'd discuss this with the hubby and ask what history (if any) that they had with one another. Granted, most men wouldn't readily admit to something of this nature but never hurts to try. If there was nothing, I'd just block her from both of you myspaces so that she isn't able to comtact either of you that way. If it is regarding a child, there are other avenues that she take to reach you both you know? I just wouldn't jump the gun that quickly because if she is as awful as people say, she may just be trying to create a ruckus....more often than not, misery loves company.

Answer 9

Let me put your mind at ease. If your husband does not remember sleeping with her, trust him. As a guy I can tell you that if he slept with her he would have remembered.
So there is nothing to worry about. Just remember that when you put your profiles in a public forum, there are lots of demented people out there who think of a thousand ways to contact you. Yeah, she probably happened to go to your myspace page and thought: "oh yeah...I remember this guy...from way back when...I am going to send him an email..."
There is nothing to be worried about. Sometimes in life we worry about things that are very minute in retrospect but in the long run you are going to look back and realize how phoney that email must have been. So put your mind at ease and trust your husband :)
Good luck and let us know what happens.

Answer 10

Quit troubling yourself about what it could be. Contact her and see what her issue is.

If she's going to claim your husband is the father of her child, then she will need to provide proof. A DNA test will solve this problem. Further, since he didn't sign the birth certificate, then she will need to go to court to prove paternity.

I'm thinking, it could be almost anything and don't you want to find out. There's no way it could be a disease, because in 8 years, you would know if you had any STD...even HIV.

Maybe she looking for help.

Find out what it is. You'd be surprised what you can handle. You need to find out what the truth is.

Answer 11

The best thing to do is first ask your husband if there is anything that you should know that he has not yet told you. If he does not have anything to hide than he would be fine in getting into contact with this particular woman. What ever you do, do not stir up random ideas in your head as to what it might be concerning. This will only cause more stress.