It is called Ghost of you. It is all in the narraters point of veiw about a guy.
You've came this far.
Your ready to face your fears.
But you chose to run away.
You dont want to get hurt.
You dont want to be scared.
You turn around and walk.
Just walk.
Thought no one would notice.
But I noticed.
I saw the look on your face.
The fear in your eyes.
You started running as fast as you could.
But something came over you.
You coudnt move.
I knew what was happening.
I knew why you couldnt move any more.
You were scared.
Scared of running, scared of what may happen, scared of living in fear.
As you stoped a tear ran down your face.
I wanted to wipe it away.
But I couldnt
I couldnt because you ran away from me.
But not only me, but love.
You ran away in fear of ever loving someone,
I kew you were in pain as you stood there.
But what could I do.
I am of her.
The one you ran away from.
I am not only the ghost of her.
But I am the ghost of you
2007-06-19 16:13:46 · 16 answers · asked by Ali Marie 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
opps one line says i am of her it is suppossed to be i am the ghost of her..sorry
2007-06-20 02:42:27 · update #1
probably one of the better ones on yahoo answers I've seen today - but it's too wordy - you lost me - it was interesting so you got me reading it - but like the others you are just pouring out your feelings - POETRY ISN't Pouring out your feelings. Poetry is just like taking a photograph - instead you capture the moment using words. Like you are in the back taking a picture with a camera, but instead of using a camera you use words to capture the moment. If you can learn that you'll be a good poet. It's hard, you have to edit edit edit to get the wordiness down so that it's brief - like capturing a breath. To me it looks like a bunch of guck - gobbledy **** - but your poem has promise, you just need to clean it up and try harder to make it work. If you can quit thinking that poetry is pouring out your feelings - you'll be a better poet. Poetry is observation. It isn't this inner thing where we deal with our feelings. THat;s what therapy is for. I learned a long time ago that people didn't want to read that stuff. IT's good for me, but it isn't what other people want to read.
I had several situations where I wrote powerful poems about internsely personal situations, nobody wanted to publish them. What they wanted to publish were things where I was an observer.
try to capture the atmosphere - what was the place/scene like
try to capture emotion - what was happening to the people
try to expose any conflict - what was happening between people
think about the moments you have captured on film when you took a picture with a camera - what was special about those moments. If you can do that with your poems you are on your way to being a great poet.
This poem is too long - it started out well, but you lost my interst - I got bogged down in all the words. But like I said you have a lot of potential if you can clean it up some.
Keep trying.
2007-06-19 19:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme but it needs to hit my emotions. I think clarity of expression is important as well. I don't like to second guess what I'm reading about. I always look for what I term "poetic gems"in the text.
2016-05-20 03:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was okay, not one of your best poems though, no offense but i got cheezy. soooo, (and take no offense) but i wouldnt hav too may things happenieng at once cuz it would be better if you made it into different sets. like the first few lines "he runs away" and so on and so forth. so, it was good, but it got too sappy and cheezyish. make it more of a mystery also, i knew what was gonna happen so it wasnt very inetsting and i lost interset easily. hope athts goo advice, and dont get mad.
2007-06-20 07:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Altogether pretty good.
One comment try announcing who you (The Ghost) are a little
more gently within the poams body
Keep trying!
2007-06-19 16:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by bobalo9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. Professionally written. A+ !
2007-06-19 16:19:26 · answer #5 · answered by cowboybabeeup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is truly not very poetic but a simple freestyle paragraph of a self-conclusion. It is more personal from what i could see.
2007-06-20 01:40:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only is it good, but I can identify with that girl, so that makes it even better! Keep it up!
2007-06-19 16:44:40 · answer #7 · answered by Xotchil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg alison that
is amazing i i love
it i want it im srealing it
and putting it some wear
like if u r ok with it i love it
2007-06-19 16:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal Dead! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nope.
2007-06-19 16:15:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that was really interesting, I like it.
2007-06-19 16:40:07 · answer #10 · answered by =) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋